Confessions of a Bibliophile

English major|she/her|21|crazy cat lady|study blogger?

[onmybookshelfsonmymind]

Tuesdays are the most brutal Mondays. After what feels like a whole week off I really don’t want to go back to school. But it’s the final push! Only two weeks left!

But I’m at the cabin and we’re celebrating a birthday today and it feels like a holiday so why do shit? I’ve just sat at my computer for like an hour moving things around and writing stuff down but not actually doing anything productive. Whooooo

[onmybookshelfsonmymind]

To Dooo this fine long weekend

Practicum video observation

House on Mango Street Discussion 

Working in Schools reading 

some art shit as a Working in Schools response 

Motivation is 0. Don’t want to be doing any of this. I’m at the cabin and everything is pretty and I just want to be out on the water sorry bye

[onmybookshelfsonmymind]

[onmybookshelfsonmymind]

I KNOW that imposter syndrome is a thing. I KNOW that I would experience it at some point. I just didn’t realize how hard it was to talk myself out of it. I didn’t realize how real it would sound in my ear. I’m not even in the Master’s program yet and it’s hitting SO HARD. Every time I turn an assignment in I second guess myself. I feel like I don’t understand expectations and like there’s this secret prompt somewhere hidden in the black hole also known as Canvas that I’m just entirely overlooking. 

[suhaylah]

details of untitled/green landscape (2018) find prints of this painting in my shop: suhaylah.bigcartel.com instagram: @suhaylah.h

[women-loving-art]

Adrienne Rich, from Twenty-One Love Poems (VIII)

[women-loving-art]

Edna St. Vincent Millay, from Departure

[eyeheartfarms]

.

[onmybookshelfsonmymind]

All I want in life

[onmybookshelfsonmymind]

I did so many things today and none of them were registering for classes.

Here’s my to do list:

Clean out darkroom

Laundry

Register for classes you fool

Get a haircut

Find employment

[onmybookshelfsonmymind]

[onmybookshelfsonmymind]

I GOT INTO GRAD SCHOOL

This is not a drill.

[onmybookshelfsonmymind]

Back to my old self and back to my old bullshit!

I’ve felt so adrift this last year after graduating college. Deciding to go back to school has given Be direction and I finally feel back to myself.

I’m also back to my old bullshit. I spent the entire morning restless procrastinating: not doing what I want to do but not doing what I need to do. I watched a half hour of a WWII documentary and did most of the dishes. It’s almost 2 and I’m finally at a coffee shop!

[onmybookshelfsonmymind]

Today I met with an English advisor who was impressed with my coursework in Literature but said I still needed to take three classes before I can start my grad program.

I proceeded to chill at the veggie grill by the university(big universities are wild) and press buttons on my laptop in some seblace of productivity.

Still have get my personal statement to a point where I can show it to other humans

Still have to study for the nes b

feeling like it’s a the end of the week because I’m so tired when it’s only a Tuesday

[onmybookshelfsonmymind]

Another day, another table.

[onmybookshelfsonmymind]

Photo from my coffee shop and scattered mind this morning.

[onmybookshelfsonmymind]

To Do To Day:

Slowly conquering my to do list but mainly sitting in a coffee shop staring out the window and browsing tumblr. I hate how I’m so incapacitated by all the things I have to do that I feel like I can do none of them. 

Here’s whats on the list today:

-go to career center appointment to work on personal statement 

-Work on personal statement

-Call University’s English department

-clean your bathroom

[onmybookshelfsonmymind]