Open-hearted Ramblings

she/her The ramblings of a girl who hasn't quite figured life out yet, but is trying real hard to

[open-heartedrambling]

If you ever think you're bad at picking up on hints, I assure you I am worse. My friend messaged me saying he wanted to hang out and catch up so I invited him to my flat. When he got here I was sat in the corridor chatting with my flatmates so he joined us and proceeded to sit through hours of conversation and senseless giggling. Turns out? This man has been flirting with me for weeks. Turns out this man thought he was coming for a DATE. He came to see me. And instead he comes and sits on the floor in my corridor and chats to my flatmates. FOR 3 AND A HALF HOURS.

[open-heartedrambling]

18 holds so much sadness

[open-heartedrambling]

I just wanna show my best friend everything that is beautiful in the world because surely it must all be for her. Nothing makes sense to me more than beauty existing in the world because her soul must be reflected in it.

[open-heartedrambling]

So life is really just showing people little pieces of your soul and hoping they don't crush it over and over again huh

[open-heartedrambling]

My friend reads me his poetry and I catch a glimpse of his soul. It is beautiful <3

[open-heartedrambling]

I am nostalgic for a time I can't even remember. I miss the people I no longer care for. I want to go back to the days I hated. You ask me why?

Because I never want to end up hating these days now that I love. Perhaps if I can treasure those that are past, these days shall eventually too be treasured.

[open-heartedrambling]

I once off handedly told my sister that I was sad all the girls in my dressing room got sent flowers and I didn't when I was younger, and since then without fail she turns up to watch my shows with a bouquet in hand. Every. Single. Time. And that's what love is.

[open-heartedrambling]

How can I hold so much love in my heart for someone I do not know? How can I miss you so fiercely when we've never even met?

[open-heartedrambling]

I used to cry because I was sad. Tears slowly dripping onto the pillow as I drifted to an uneasy sleep. Then I cried because I was scared. It was all too much too fast and I wasn't ready. Then I cried because I was hurt. Hurt by so many things for so very long, but I restrained my suffering to the quiet and the darkness as any self respecting person falling apart would. And for a long time, I didn't cry at all.

But now? Now I cry because I'm lost. The sad girl and the scared girl and the hurt girl all knew who they were. This lost girl doesn't.

[open-heartedrambling]

At dinner last night my dance teacher called pizza "cheese on toast pretending to be something it's not" and like y'all?? Most bizarre take I've ever heard.

[open-heartedrambling]

13 days

13 days is all it took for You to coax my heart from my chest

13 days is all it took for You to crush it into dust

You made me laugh and before i knew it i was grinning like an idiot and kicking my feet on the bed or giggling in the middle of the street

Before i knew it i was falling hard because You were funny and smart and spoke to me about life and literature and

i told You my darkest secrets and You told me Yours and

You were so goddamn cute

And before i knew it i was falling for You.

And i don't understand why You couldn't have just told me that i annoyed You, that You wanted me to leave You alone. Because now

i'm breaking and i don't know what to do

And i miss You.

And for a second i even thought You cared.

And i don't know what to do.

13 days was all it took for me to think i could love You

not yet, but one day

And 13 days was all it took for You to make me cry

13 days was all it took for me to fall and crash and burn

13 days was all it took for You to

break

my

heart.

[open-heartedrambling]

Channeling my feminist rage at the guys catcalling me when I walk to the gym into my workout like a girlboss

[open-heartedrambling]

It's always the nice ones that get hurt. The ones with bright eyes and bright smiles and more than enough love to go around. The ones that open themselves up to everyone, give out little pieces of their hearts and become a resting place for the burdens of all those that need it.

But then suddenly, you're sinking and drowning all at once and you're not sure if the fire you've been burned with will destroy you or consume you and twist you into someone new altogether. But either way, you're forever a shell of the nice person you once were, and its like no one even notices. Maybe no one cares.

I should know, for I've always been a nice girl. This nice girl has been burnt one too many times, and now there's nothing left but ash.

[open-heartedrambling]

My best friend just text me about how the dinner she cooked was really good and how she really wants to cook it for me and it honestly made me want to cry. Like y'all. This is love. Experiencing something delicious or exciting or interesting and your first thought being to share it with someone else. I hope you all have someone who loves you like that within your life, because it is honestly the best feeling in the world.

[open-heartedrambling]

[open-heartedrambling]

"What I did not know was that I had hit upon the truth of womanhood: however blameless of a life we led, the passions and the greed of men could bring us to ruin, and there was nothing we could do."

- Ariadne by Jennifer Saint

[open-heartedrambling]

Went to a presentation awards for my theatre group the other day and this girl had just won the award for best singer within her age group. When she went up to collect it she was jokingly asked if she wanted to sing a solo, and yes she very much did. So the mic was handed over to her and this 8 year old starts belting out livin on a prayer. I kid you not, the whole audience was laughing and clapping and singing. Certified iconic moment.