Cahir releases a quiet sigh of relief. He had thought, of course, that it would be irrational for Iorveth to do away with him over a simple request, but there has always been that fear. The Emperor had allegedly been ready to execute him for something he hadn’t known about at all, without wanting proof or testimony. Cahir hadn’t even been told directly of his transgressions, having been informed by the Scoia’tael who had handed him over to Iorveth in the first place.
Dying for Nilfgaard had seemed like an inevitability. He chose to join the army, but only because his family wished it, only because it was a way to keep them safe. Since joining, his life has not been his own. Any freedom of choice was taken from him, and he had regretted many things about his service. Though he is similarly at a loss for choice with the Scoia’tael, hearing Iorveth’s matter-of-fact dismissal of his statement—if you would go, then go—makes him newly invigorated to fight for them.
Under Iorveth, he is being given the option to go. If he left, he knows there would be little for him. Even so, Cahir could not be more grateful. Were he a more expressive man, he might even be beaning, but his expression does not change.
“I may suffer and die anywhere in the world. I already cannot do so among my own people,” he thinks achingly of Darn Dyffra, and hopes his family are doing well for themselves in his absence, “so I will do so among your ranks. I find it more honorable if I do die at all to die fighting for someone who I would like to be fighting for. Is that so unreasonable?”
Many soldiers fight because they want to devote themselves wholly to the place or the people they are fighting for. As for Cahir, he cannot remember a time before the thought was planted in his head that he wanted to be a soldier. He cannot remember a time where there were things he wanted to do for his own sake. He’s better answering to someone else, or at least following them, and Iorveth though rightfully distrusting is exceptionally kind to devote some of his already scarce resources to keeping Cahir alive.
“It must mean very little to you, but I had a life and family I was proud of, once. I cannot go back to them—the Empire is looking for me and would have my head if I returned to any territory they occupied. Nor can I go anywhere outside the Empire, for the Nordlings would think me a spy, and they would take any precaution they judged necessary, or they would leap directly to torturing me for information that I would give freely. Do you understand?” Cahir grimaces, imagining such a fate. Nilfgaard and the North are both terrible, he thinks. The elves are by no stretch of the imagination kind to him, but they are not so cruel that Cahir would prefer that fate. “I can go nowhere. But I don’t want to sit idly by in the face of your undue generosity, either. I’m not unfamiliar with suffering. If I have to suffer more, so be it.”
He falls silent, feeling oddly tired after such a speech. His voice is hoarse—disuse after two years of incarceration is not an easily solved issue, though he has been out for some time.
“I may not be capable of understanding your cause no matter how dedicated I make myself to it,” Cahir says, “but I know that if things were different, I might be fighting for a similar thing. Vicovaro—my country—was absorbed by Nilfgaard when I was small. Life is not bad, but we are a proud people who cannot last forever without an identity. Were Vicovaro’s people to rise up and fight, I would join them. So I don’t see why I shouldn’t join you.”
The more the dh’oine speaks, the more Iorveth, against his will, begins to understand. Cahir speaks to him not as a Nilfgaardian soldier, but as a man cast aside by all-- enemies and allies becoming one in the same-- with nowhere to go save for one battlefield or another. A man whose home and culture is lost to him, taken and locked away to be replaced by something ‘superior’ , according to those who had taken it.
Iorveth thinks of the non-human districts within human cities-- the poverty, the disrespect, the exploitation and stunted livelihood. The eyes of his people-- kicked into the muck and treated as lesser, some high on fisstech to numb the pain; some angry, seething silently and waiting for their first chance to explode; and some who know nothing of where they come from or what they could be if they were only free to be it. He thinks of songs and stories lost, entire pieces of culture stamped out along with the lives preserving them.
We are a proud people who cannot last forever without an identity.
It isn’t the same, not nearly, but it is enough. It’s enough to know that, while Iorveth’s cause is not Cahir’s, Iorveth’s reasons-- the reasons of the scoia’tael-- are understood. Cahir doesn’t think of him as another mad elf with a mad plan. He doesn’t think of him as a beast, biting the hand that feeds him scraps. He knows what they’re fighting for, even if it is their fight and not his.
“ ...I understand. ” The bite has gone from his tone, and when he casts his gaze back upon the soldier, the glare has faded from sharp-edged green eyes-- replaced by a soul-deep exhaustion. It’s there for an instant, lingering, before it flees from sight, back behind the pride and the power. The elf crosses his arms over his chest and surveys Cahir once more, weighing things in his mind.
The scales tip in the dh’oine’s favor. Cahir explains himself until his voice turns raw, professing that he would fight in return for Iorveth’s kindness; His generosity-- things Iorveth was certain he no longer had... In light of it all, turning him away seems less and less like the best choice. The human is another mouth to feed, yes, but they’ve already been feeding him since the day Isengrim had left him with them.
“ Do not mistake me; I do not trust you. If you try anything stupid, if you do anything to harm us, I will put an arrow through your skull myself. ” The warning, while honest, lacks the harshness of Iorveth’s previous threats. It is matter-of-fact-- he isn’t trying to scare him this time, simply telling him the truth. “ Fight, if that’s what you insist on doing. But as long as you do it here, with us, you’ll need to adapt. ”
The Aen Seidhe turns, beckoning Cahir to follow as he walks, and stops before their stock of weapons. Nameless swords and bows, half-full quivers and daggers in need of sharpening-- all recovered from the fallen, elven and human alike. The commander glances over to Cahir once more and nods to himself, selecting a longbow and pressing it to Cahir’s chest.
It’s the first weapon he’s allowed the man to carry in his presence and he meets his eyes to show he understands the significance. There should be no miscommunication in these moments. “ You’ll need to get used to this, if you aren’t already well acquainted. We strike well before we show ourselves to our enemy. A longbow will grant you greater range and higher accuracy, provided you train with it well. You can choose your sword yourself... ”
He pauses, a frown drawing at his lips as a thought crosses his mind. His unit has never housed a human and so, in battle, very few orders are called in the common tongue. Many of his people, particularly the younger elves, know less of it than he does.
“ How is your hen llinge? Do you speak the elder tongue? ”