Journey to becoming an opera singer

[operatale]

OPERA AUDITIONS and NETI POTS

Last week I had an audition for Opera Atelier.  It is a very professional company in Toronto, that specializes in early music and Baroque opera.  They incorporate dance into all of the productions, as they also have a corps de ballet.  I was still recovery from a cold when I went for the audition, and was running a bit late.  I hadn’t planned on mentioning my sickness to the directors, but I had to stop at the end of the recitative in the first aria, because of phlegm getting in the way.  I politely explained that I had been struggling with a cold.  They asked me if I would like to start the aria.  I decided to sing something else that had a little more movement, and therefore easier to negotiate technically, when you have a cold.  This worked fairly well, but I had to clear my throat a couple of times, which isn’t very professional.  But what’s a girl to do?  In hindsight, I should have used a neti pot before I left the house.  I did end up purchasing one, because I was a bit embarrassed by the whole event.  It does help, and is available for $25 at any Shoppers Drug Mart.

To my surprise, I landed a role in the onstage chorus for Opera Atelier!  I thought I bombed it!  I’m so glad it worked out. Sometimes, good things happen when you least expect it, as long as you keep working and putting yourself out there.  I unfortunately had to decline another engagement, because it conflicted with the rehearsal schedule of Opera Atelier.  I had to way the options of rate of pay and time commitment.

I found the perfect audition dress at Le Chateau the other day.  It fits perfectly, and has a black overlay of lace.  It is three quarter sleeved, and goes down to just above the knee.  I think it is so important to look and feel your best when going into an audition, or interview situation.  

Yesterday, I had another audition for Banff Opera as Theatre.  It went very well.  I feel like I am getting better at auditioning in general, and I am not as nervous as I used to be 4 or 5 years ago.  This really helps, because then I don’t lose my breath support, which was a recurring problem.  Also, I am more comfortable in my own skin, and so I am not so scared to reveal my vulnerable self in front of a panel of directors.

Off to an audition for COC Chorus today!  Fingers crossed!

[operatale]

What can I offer?

Sometimes I wonder if it is best to just let it all go, and let life unfold.  Since I was a little girl, I would drive myself to accomplish everything to the highest level I could, and then keep working. Just keep going, planning, striving, improving. My counsellor said if I kept going this way, I would have a nervous breakdown. I attribute this driven quality, in part, to going to the National Ballet School in Toronto when I was 9 years old.

I was accepted for three summer schools and never for the year program. I had talent, but the technique just wasn’t strong enough. I always felt rejected by this, and I think it made me think that no matter how hard I tried, I was never good enough. Over the years, my counsellor helped me to release my perfectionism and self-driven craze I had.  I am still a perfectionist to a certain extent, but not as much as I was.  In fact, I really let loose in university with partying and letting myself get “corrupted” as they would say, by the naughty girls.  But I always maintained my high marks, kept my scholarship, and graduated on the Dean’s list.  I was going places and everyone knew I would do well.  I did do well.  I auditioned for a few grad schools, but the University of Toronto was where I wanted to go, because I thought it was the best.

I got accepted into the Masters in Opera with a scholarship. I still got good marks and I always knew how to be a good student.  However, after the first semester, I wasn’t the favorite and had a lot of things to still work on, so I was put in the back seat.  It felt like the bottom of the heap. Things started to feel off when I switched teachers because I was having vocal issues.  He was the Head of Voice at U of T, so I was no longer in his studio. I was not given the prime performance nights for the operas that were double-cast, and I wasn’t even in the second year mainstage opera in the fall.  However, I did get the lead in the spring opera, so maybe that was fair.  When I graduated, I got chosen to go on a paid trip to London, England to see operas and concerts. This was an amazing opportunity, and for that, I am incredibly thankful.

When I got back, I had no idea what I was going to do. I didn’t have any job lined up, and I had auditioned for a bunch of young artist programs, but none of them took me. I think I had too many vocal issues to work out and just wasn’t ready.  It can be very frustrating to have so many doors slammed in my face. I got a job as an assistant at an office part-time and also kept singing. The next summer, I landed the title role in Carmen for a local summer program for young singers. However, I decided to move back to New Brunswick, after I finished the role.

In New Brunswick, I played the role of housewife for a while, and tried teaching voice lessons. The teaching eventually took off and I had a fairly full studio. Something felt like it was missing. I wanted to spread my wings and see if I could do more performing in Toronto.  So here I am.  I have to sacrifice certain aspects of my lifestyle, but I am pursuing my dream. I have to remind myself why I am away from my fiancé and my family.  I don’t want to settle for less than my best self, and I want to discover what I can offer to the world.

[operatale]

Epic Failure As Your Best Friend

I'm going to start writing about my journey here in Toronto - about pursuing a professional opera career.  The struggles and the successes.  No sugar-coating, or as the hashtag lovers might say #nofilter.  A mezzo soprano, Jennifer Rivera, wrote an interesting article published on Huff Post about being an opera singer.  She said having a masters in opera is like "having an advanced degree in underwater basket weaving".  She makes a list of 10 things you don't know about an opera career when you're in school.  Feeling lonely is definitely on the list.  I'm not too lonely yet, so don't worry, but I've just started out on this opera track after a bit of a hiatus, so time will tell.  However, if I connect with you through writing a blog, even if only a few people read this, it will feel like I have friends along for the journey with me.

Last week was my first audition for an opera company, since I've moved to Toronto in September.  I worked a lot in restaurants and teaching voice and piano lessons at the same time, so it took me a while to get settled and get on my feet.  Also, I thought about going full steam ahead into musical theatre, which didn't seem to fit.  So opera world, here I come!   

The director for the first audition was very welcoming and it went fairly well.  No problems.  My friend ended up "crashing" the audition and we had a fun time catching up.  He just recently finished law school (after completing a masters in opera).  Crazy!

Fast forward a week later, and I got a part!  A small one, but an actual paid gig.  In an opera.  In Toronto.  Celebrate the small victories, folks!  Then, I got sick.  Damn it.  It could be because I wasn't eating well, or it could be because I stayed up late bawling my eyes out until mucous ran down my chin.  At least, my understanding and loving fiancé was on the phone to talk me through my freak-out melt-down.  What was it all about?  It was the fear that I won’t be able to make enough money at this career that I am trying so hard to build.  I have many goals and dreams, and I’m unable to achieve them on the income I currently make.  Will it all be worth it in the end?  I want to be able to take my fiancé on a trip or save money for life events in the near future, like our wedding and having children.  The thought of all of the pressures of life just send me into a tailspin.

The next day, my eyes were puffy and my throat felt raw. That night, I started to have a sore throat.  From there, you know how it goes with a very bad cold.  So great!  I basically made myself sick.  I'm so smart.  We create our reality too.  I believe that.  Things don't just happen to us.  So in my humble opinion, don't dwell too much on what you don't want, because you'll end up getting it.  It doesn't matter whether it is negative focus or positive focus.  Focus gets results, whether it is the desired effect you want or not.

When I realized I was quite sick, I rested for two days and then went back to my teaching job of voice and piano lessons. The next day, I had an audition.  Just a chorus audition for a company, but still important and I wanted to sing well.  Well, it was an EPIC FAIL.  This catastrophe happened for a few reasons.  I will share them for those opera students wondering how to negotiate auditions when sick.  Don't do it!  I'm partly exaggerating, because with a bit of the sniffles you can definitely still sing.  But I slept in too long, not too long on a normal day, but I didn't get up three hours ahead of the audition time, which is necessary.  I still had too much congestion.  I didn't end up warming up long enough, and I didn't put warm salt water through my nose to clear out the sinuses.  I definitely recommend doing this when you are congested, or getting a netty pot!  So anyway, I sounded like a crusty duck.  Or a squeaky goose.  Whatever you want to envision.  They thanked me and were somewhat understanding...basically saying they would hear me again sometime.  It just wasn't a good representation of what I can do.

Then when I was leaving to take the subway home, with my tail between my legs, I realized I lost my monthly metropass.  WTF did I do with it?!  These things cost $141.00.  A big deal for a starving artist/struggling singer trying not to rack up debt.  I went back to the audition location.  No luck.  Luckily it was Jan. 28th so pretty much the end of the month.

Anyway, I soldier on, as do we all in desperate times, or really great times (as it is, truly) or any old day as an opera singer, or accountant, or flight attendant.  There are bad days and good days and we learn from them.  I believe, we learn the biggest lessons from the not-so-good days and the "epic fails".  So, through all of this, I am learning to enjoy those, and make light of them, because really, the challenges are our best friends.  Not our enemies.  So, Epic Fail...care to play?