Epic Failure As Your Best Friend
I'm going to start writing about my journey here in Toronto - about pursuing a professional opera career. The struggles and the successes. No sugar-coating, or as the hashtag lovers might say #nofilter. A mezzo soprano, Jennifer Rivera, wrote an interesting article published on Huff Post about being an opera singer. She said having a masters in opera is like "having an advanced degree in underwater basket weaving". She makes a list of 10 things you don't know about an opera career when you're in school. Feeling lonely is definitely on the list. I'm not too lonely yet, so don't worry, but I've just started out on this opera track after a bit of a hiatus, so time will tell. However, if I connect with you through writing a blog, even if only a few people read this, it will feel like I have friends along for the journey with me.
Last week was my first audition for an opera company, since I've moved to Toronto in September. I worked a lot in restaurants and teaching voice and piano lessons at the same time, so it took me a while to get settled and get on my feet. Also, I thought about going full steam ahead into musical theatre, which didn't seem to fit. So opera world, here I come!
The director for the first audition was very welcoming and it went fairly well. No problems. My friend ended up "crashing" the audition and we had a fun time catching up. He just recently finished law school (after completing a masters in opera). Crazy!
Fast forward a week later, and I got a part! A small one, but an actual paid gig. In an opera. In Toronto. Celebrate the small victories, folks! Then, I got sick. Damn it. It could be because I wasn't eating well, or it could be because I stayed up late bawling my eyes out until mucous ran down my chin. At least, my understanding and loving fiancé was on the phone to talk me through my freak-out melt-down. What was it all about? It was the fear that I won’t be able to make enough money at this career that I am trying so hard to build. I have many goals and dreams, and I’m unable to achieve them on the income I currently make. Will it all be worth it in the end? I want to be able to take my fiancé on a trip or save money for life events in the near future, like our wedding and having children. The thought of all of the pressures of life just send me into a tailspin.
The next day, my eyes were puffy and my throat felt raw. That night, I started to have a sore throat. From there, you know how it goes with a very bad cold. So great! I basically made myself sick. I'm so smart. We create our reality too. I believe that. Things don't just happen to us. So in my humble opinion, don't dwell too much on what you don't want, because you'll end up getting it. It doesn't matter whether it is negative focus or positive focus. Focus gets results, whether it is the desired effect you want or not.
When I realized I was quite sick, I rested for two days and then went back to my teaching job of voice and piano lessons. The next day, I had an audition. Just a chorus audition for a company, but still important and I wanted to sing well. Well, it was an EPIC FAIL. This catastrophe happened for a few reasons. I will share them for those opera students wondering how to negotiate auditions when sick. Don't do it! I'm partly exaggerating, because with a bit of the sniffles you can definitely still sing. But I slept in too long, not too long on a normal day, but I didn't get up three hours ahead of the audition time, which is necessary. I still had too much congestion. I didn't end up warming up long enough, and I didn't put warm salt water through my nose to clear out the sinuses. I definitely recommend doing this when you are congested, or getting a netty pot! So anyway, I sounded like a crusty duck. Or a squeaky goose. Whatever you want to envision. They thanked me and were somewhat understanding...basically saying they would hear me again sometime. It just wasn't a good representation of what I can do.
Then when I was leaving to take the subway home, with my tail between my legs, I realized I lost my monthly metropass. WTF did I do with it?! These things cost $141.00. A big deal for a starving artist/struggling singer trying not to rack up debt. I went back to the audition location. No luck. Luckily it was Jan. 28th so pretty much the end of the month.
Anyway, I soldier on, as do we all in desperate times, or really great times (as it is, truly) or any old day as an opera singer, or accountant, or flight attendant. There are bad days and good days and we learn from them. I believe, we learn the biggest lessons from the not-so-good days and the "epic fails". So, through all of this, I am learning to enjoy those, and make light of them, because really, the challenges are our best friends. Not our enemies. So, Epic Fail...care to play?
