pursuit of happiness @organicli - Tumblr Blog

Winnie Harlow for Elle Turkey July 2018 by Emre Guven

Day 14: #pressingdreams with @cyogalife . . I was going to go to the gym… But then I didn’t. . I don’t have a car/it started raining/I’m cold I and want to make my chili…it doesn’t matter. It’s a simple choice. I try not to beat myself up about it. . A few years ago, if I missed a workout I would literally have a panic attack. If I ate something bad, I’d cry about it and starve for the rest of the day. I used to have a panic attack ordering from a large menu! Ask my family 🤦🏼‍♀️(sorry mom). . I don’t think enough people realize that eating disorders don’t just include food. It’s the whole scene. The entire package. The gym, the outfit, the restaurant, the calorie displays, the teasing, the plea to order last….silently finished with “because I’m freaking out and I can’t eat without punishing myself.” Followed by uncomfortable smile and water gulping. (To fill up faster). . I’m almost 40. This started when I was 15. A girlfriend commented on my “huge thighs.” And NO, it’s not her fault. She was a child. I was a child. But the seed was planted in my path and I STILL struggle with it. I HATE missing the gym. Slacking on my macros. Skipping yoga. And I realize some days are just not gonna work out, but I’m also getting better at making it all flow. . What I’m still working on is forgiveness. Forgiving myself for not being able to do it all, ALL THE TIME. . What can I say? I’m a work in progress. Just like you. ❤️. . . . #ed #workinprogress #keepgrowing https://www.instagram.com/p/BqLj5IsB1UV/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=s8mm2et176gf