Feelings on Lockdown
Why? Why wouldn’t Atsuro just let the matter die?
Without thinking, Kazuya opened his eyes as he was sharply tugged forward, expression shifting quickly from bewilderment to something more panicked—more afraid.
He didn’t want to look at Atsuro. He didn’t want to see the anger or disgust reflected in his expression. He just…wanted to forget that the entire thing had happened at all. If it was going to destroy what they had already, then he didn’t want any part of it—!
“Hey… look at me.”
No. No, he didn’t want to. He was afraid. He was afraid, he was afraid—
"Kazuya… do you have feelings for me? Like… like that?"
What should he say? Should he be honest and tell him yes? Or should he lie and say no? Being truthful would change their relationship forever, but then…he’d already screwed things up pretty badly. Even if he were to lie, explaining away the kiss and the desperation in his words would be difficult at best.
He’d ruined them, and there was no means to repair the damage that had been done.
"Don’t shy away from me…”
Slowly, he turned his face back toward Atsuro, expression sad. Well…if he’d destroyed their friendship already, what was one more confession to add to the rift?
"… Yeah. I like you like that.”
That expression alone that spoke of an exposed vulnerability alarmed Atsuro; never once had he seen the other as conflicted as he was now. Depending on the right or wrong answer, it would definitely crush Kazuya's spirit and perhaps damage their friendship entirely in the process. All that hard work and suffering they had gone through over the course of a year and this is how it would end? Of course, even Atsuro would never allow for that to happen--over his dead body!--the only conclusion he could draw, well, was rather obvious in the end. It wasn't a forced one either--his feelings were as plain as day when it came down to it. Offering a gentle grin, Atsuro slackened his hold on the other's wrist and, instead, placed it nervously atop his hand. It was calloused and dry from all of the fighting and wear and tear they had gone through these past 5 days. But under his clasp, Kazuya's hand wasn't that much bigger than his own; It really brought back to light of how childish they were, but burdened with such a heavier purpose that age became irrelevant.Such travesties reminded Atsuro of his vows to keep all of that responsibility from entirely crushing the other and dehumanizing him; Even if the world was lost, he wouldn't let Kazuya fall prey to the darker desires engulfing the world. He'd play his conscious over and over if that's what it took to secure their bonds as people. "--Kazuya, thank you." Perhaps that sort of devotion... was it love then? "Not only are you always looking out for my well being, but you have affections for me too. You're really an amazing individual. I'm lucky..." Sheepishly pulling his hat down over his eyes, Atsuro resisted a gulp as he finally manned up to his own part of the confession at hand. There was no time to hesitate; He had established this before: If the world was going to ruin in just 2 days, and their lives were at potential stake, then now was a better opportunity than ever to get his feelings across. Even if he still felt that they weren't on that equal level yet; He'd eventually get there... somehow.
"Hey, how would you feel if I told you I've liked you since the beginning? Pretty lame huh...? "