your boy is back at it again with yet another hiatus. this time, it'll be longer with, once more, no definitive end. no particular life event provoked it this time; the stress and pressures of this site have personally dissuaded me from coming on her for about two weeks, and i figured i wanted to make a post about it rather than just leave you guys in the dark. for those who still want to contact me, my disc.rd, oujis, is available. a little bit more of an explanation is under the cut, but it's more so about my complaints about the rpc as of whole and my experiences with it as of late. thank you so much for your patients, and i hope you all keep well. ♡
i think it goes without saying that i've been a lot less active on tumblr. writing motivation hasn't hit me and that's on my end. i've had the free-time to write, but not a lot of energy. i'm not sure exactly what's gotten into me considering i'm on break and i should have more time than ever, but somehow, it's only made my urge to write worse.
the truth is the rpc as of late has been giving me immense amounts of anxiety. i reach out often to people to plot or write, but i very seldom get anything in return and it's heavily demoralising on my part when i've spent time coming up with dynamics or possible scenarios only to be brushed off. truth be told, i'm tired of sending in asks or liking starter calls or trying to plot with people only to get ignored. seeing blogs complain about not getting any plots when i've dm'd them and gotten no response definitely weighs on my conscious and gives the impression that others view me as a follower and not as a blog they want to genuinely write with. i like to believe i offer a lot of opportunities to discuss things between muses, though this may just be my perception and not the actual reality. the silent pressures and judgements i've received from muns - not having pretty enough graphics, being "a little much," etc - have also weighed down on me a lot to the point where i'd rather just be silent than risk fucking up socially. this no longer feels like a hobby to me, and while it's blunt, it now feels like a toll to sit myself down and write because of these little things. blocking people to clear out my followers seemed fruitless as well, so for now, it's best to just take a break and allow myself to wind down from all of this.
thank you for those who truly did try to interact with me. i apologise on my behalf for being distant in dms or not being able to respond to things right away when i've got shit in my drafts that have been aging for 3-4 months. and before you worry, i doubt i'll be quitting tumblr, and this blog isn't getting archived. just consider this as a time for me to regain back some confidence and take a break from all the stress this site gives me.
thank you all for the time here, genuinely. i hope you all make sure to keep yourself safe.
