•♔•

Todomatsu Matsuno 💖 affiliated with citta alveare infos under stats

[nagomineeto]

    There it was.

    He knew he wasn’t going to get away with this ‘visit’ without mention of her. But all the same, once Todomatsu is finished berating him, he feels his breath hitch in his throat, stop completely. He couldn’t pretend anymore– hell, he wanted to, like he usually did, like he always did. But this time it was just too much, too much to laugh off or ignore or forget or anything.

    Osomatsu had never cried in front of his brothers. Ever. That was their job, not his. Really, when has he ever cried? No matter how bad things got, he was the one to be there for them, not the one to come crying to his brothers for anything. What was it about this city that’s turned that notion on its head? Fat tears swell in his eyes and roll down his cheeks, into crimson sleeves risen to hide his face.

    “Totty.” He says after minutes of that, through a raw and clogged throat. Osomatsu wipes the slobber from his nose, and barely looks up to see what his brother was doing or thinking, “Don’t.” 

    “Just. Don’t, okay? I… I just want to forget about her.”

[oujimatsu-blog]

｢💖｣— Funny, how quickly the atmosphere changed whenever his brother, his ridiculous, useless, childish oldest brother, decided to get serious. It was like someone switched the lights off, took all warmth and comfort and left no more than a cold shiver to run down the youngest back whenever he had to deal with it in any sort of way. Usually his siblings were around. Usually, one of the older brothers would take care of it, bring their leader back to earth and put him back into place. But this time, there was no other brother around, and there were only so many options he had when Osomatsu was this firm and stubborn about something. 

Last time he had been like this, Todomatsu left. Packed his clothes in order to stay anywhere but there, anywhere but near him when he was like this. But this time there were tears, and they made the thought of figuratively whipping his brother back into shape so much more unpleasant. So he didn’t.  Instead, he sat down on the floor, leaning his back against the couch and staring at the other from a few inches away. When he couldn’t stand the sight any longer, his eyes fell shut, head tilted to the side. 

“...Alright”, he started, and that was all he had to say, really. “I won’t ask.”

[nagomineeto]

    “Nope.”

    He says it plainly, curtly, pushing past his brother and squeezing into the doorway. The answer was to both questions. He doesn’t really care which one Totty connects it to.

    Osomatsu spares not even a second, to trudge into the living room and plant his ass on the dusty carpet in front of the TV, dumping his bag of DVD’s and ‘supplies’ on the floor in front of him. Todomatsu looks too tired to put up with any of this, but the older brother pays no mind as he shuffles through the dozen-or-so titles. Clearly, he was too caught up in his own whatever-this-was.

    “Hey, which one do you think would be better: ‘The Sexorcist’ or ‘Edward Penishands?’ Then there’s ‘Honey I Blew Up My Tits…’ Why’d I even pick that one up…”

[oujimatsu-blog]

｢💖｣— There was nothing quite comparable to the feeling of exhaustion he felt when his sibling asked him for his opinion regarding porno titles when he was about to go to bed. He didn’t count exactly how many DVD’s the other spread on the floor in front of him, but it didn’t take much to figure out that they were way too many, unless he planned to spend the entire night watching these here. No good. Not even one kinky movie was in the realm of acceptance, considering that Todomatsu still had housemates and that the last thing he needed was one of them accidentally confusing his brother for him masturbating in the middle of the living room. Staring for another moment, he took in a sharp breath, lazily pointing his toothbrush at him. 

“None of these are even remotely okay! You couldn’t have taken Tamamo-chan to an adult cinema with you instead?!”, he huffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest.  “Or does the whole ‘no-sex-before-marriage’ thing get in the way with that too? Anyway get out, I can’t have you fapping in my living room like this.”

[nagomineeto]

    “Hey, I need to borrow your TV. Mine broke.”

    Chances were, the youngest of the sextuplets would regret opening the door to his apartment, because on the other side of the threshold was one identical brother, whose face laid emotionless and whose arms were  heavy with plastic shopping bags full of DVD’s. Yeah, those kind of DVD’s.  If one even bothered to dig through the smutty pile, they would likely find the tissues and lotion tucked away in there as well. So hey, at least he was prepared.

@oujimatsu

[oujimatsu-blog]

｢💖｣— He opened the door to his apartment in his pajamas, a recently used toothbrush in one hand while the other held onto the handle. Not many visitors came to say hello around this hour, at least none of which he was acquainted with, and yet he found the sight of his brother on his doorstep not nearly as surprising as he probably should. Fact was that something was wrong, and who was he to forbid his oldest sibling entrance if he clearly needed some company? His TV broke? It wasn’t like this city couldn’t provide him with a new one easily. 

With a sigh, he stepped aside, shutting the door behind him wordlessly before following him into the living room.  “Don’t you have to work tomorrow?”, he certainly knew that he himself did, which lowered his tolerance for visitors to a bare minimum. His head slightly tilted, he crossed his arms, keeping his lips pressed together for a moment.

“Hey, are you listening, Niisan?”

[nekosmatsu-blog]

Today, the world shakes on shifting foundations, cracked at its core, broken at its pillars. Outside, the world smoulders with fire, old shattered windows and toppled buildings, and inside there is also a flame, of a different nature yet still broken the same; it burns, claws at his heart, his chest, all his insides, with terror and fear and pain and everything in between.

Nothing will ever be the same, Ichimatsu knows, deep in his heart. What comes next— he doesn’t know. He doubts anyone knows. Yet— there is one unshakeable truth to this, it seems; right here, right now.

Ichimatsu and Todomatsu are brothers.

Bound by a calendar date, and perhaps by blood, but even more so by the years and years they’ve lived together, side by side, with all the others, forging a bond over years of matching sets of clothes, a giant futon and countless more. Meals. Baths. Moments in time, at home, or somewhere else, absolutely countless in number yet still infinite in worth. To him. To the both of them.

They are brothers. That was simply truth. A fact.

And nothing will ever change that.

Todomatsu is the youngest, the baby, the slyest. With words sharper than his own, Ichimatsu cannot say that he’s never felt a jealousy, a kind of detest, not too much unlike the one he felt for another brother but wholly different at its core. But it’s moments like these where the covers are flung from his metaphorical eyelids, for even the briefest of moments, where his eyesight is clearest as his gaze is the darkest, where his heart is bound tight yet still flung wide open.

Todomatsu is his brother, and nothing will ever change that. They’ll fight, yes. They’ll argue, yes. Those facts were unchangeable— they were still Ichimatsu and Todomatsu, that fact is unchangeable. But so is the fact that they are brothers, siblings, bound together by a trust, a love, a relationship unexplainable by all words yet still perfectly defined in this moment, curled against each other, tears mixing, hearts torn open and barriers all crumbling down.

Ichimatsu is crying. He weeps, openly— has never felt himself so open, so exposed, ever before— the fear lingers, still, as he knows, but never has he felt so free, so refreshed. After being wound so tight, bound by words and hatred and fear, he wants to bask in this moment, this almost sort of cleansing. Trial by fire or ice, they say: or by tears, even, snapping words crumbling and fraying, broken down to simplicity— a promise. I’m here, his brother says— it’s not much, he says, but I’m here.

It’s not much? Perhaps that was the biggest lie to ever pass Todomatsu’s lips.

Ichimatsu hiccups, wipes furiously at his face with a grimy sleeve— doubts that either of them would exactly mind, right there, right then. His breath comes in stutters, in jagged breaks he can’t seem to control— but he manages to say one thing, past it all—

“T— thank you, Todomatsu.”

He hopes that the message comes across. Prays, even, as he pulls him into his chest.

“Thank you.”

I’m here.

[oujimatsu-blog]

｢💖｣— Sometimes, it took a gesture as simple as an embrace to convey words unspoken in a way much clearer than anything else. Ichimatsu and Todomatsu were good with words - they knew how to get what they wanted, they knew which phrases to choose to pierce a person’s skin, to make them suffer, afraid, or upset. They knew which syllable pressed what button, what burned like fire and ice on the surface, what caused guts to twist, and yet they had so little experience unknotting what chaos they had caused it was hard to believe they’d ever touched the ropes of their relationship. 

Todomatsu wasn’t kind. Neither was his older brother. And yet his arms around his body undid knots between them in mere seconds, healing them like a warm blanket, with brotherhood and genuine trust. The world had turned upside down, but when his sibling pulled him in, pressing his ear against the purple sweater covering his chest, he felt at home again. Their short trip beyond the clouds came to an end, they had landed, their feet touched ground and reality washed over him like a wave, reminding him of what role he played, what his brother had to play. His eyes, still red, still swollen, glanced over the other’s shoulder, taking in the sight of the room, as if he had to remind himself of his surroundings. And then the words began to echo in the back of his mind, a gentle flame of passion, of love between siblings, carried over in gestures and soft moves.  But an open fire stung if pressed too close against skin. A warmth could burn, leave a mark. 

His shoulders moved, twitching slightly as he shrugged, a choked, almost painful chuckle pressing through his teeth for no longer than a second. A cough, as he tried to think of what to say. “...You’re thanking me?” The voice was dull, lacking emotion for the most part, decorated with a thin layer of silliness. Mockery, perhaps. As if he was kidding around. He wished he could, but not in that moment, not like this, because this wasn’t right, wasn’t how he wanted things to go down. Right?

A thanks? He didn’t do what he wouldn’t have expected from him, too. A shoulder to cry on. A few soft pats on the back, a couple of soothing words. He was no expert at this, nor did he do anything meaningful. No hero, no healer. Not that he ever wished to be, to have this responsiblity.  But after everything he did to him - to them - he left him off the hook. Ichimatsu, out of all people, thanked him for acting as the older brother, for pretending, for being a fake and a liar and for playing a role, and all the things he disliked about himself. He did it because he had to. Because he wanted to, because he couldn’t bear to see his brother like this. Because in the end he wanted his comfort, but not like this. Not if he didn’t deserve it, right? 

His heart was divided. It beat for the comfort of a family, the understanding, the togetherness while the guilt, anger and sadness still caused his veins to throb. He wanted the acceptance. Being told he was right, he was forgiven. Because Todomatsu was a coward, who couldn’t bear the thought of living without his siblings. Who came crawling back, begging and crying until they pitied their baby brother whenever their ties threatened to tear. He was all talk, pretending to be fine alone, pretending to make mature choices, to take the right steps forward even without them. He wished to be pampered and spoiled just like them, too. But now he felt sick. Because his brother gave in so easily. Because it took no more than a few tears for him to ignore that he had betrayed them.

But Todomatsu was a coward, who wouldn’t speak. Who would never let anyone know about how torn he was, because this was so much easier. If his brothers forgave him, then surely he could too. But, please, don’t thank him. Not for being so selfish. 

“Gross. This doesn’t suit your character at all...” He was kidding, or pretended to be. Raised the mood which threatened to crush him, crush them both. They had to stop being sappy now, to stop being honest. That didn’t suit them. 

[vishanti]

    Scathing words seeped through Strange’s ear and out the other. Similar complaints left his own lips not too long ago. In retrospect, this was quite a daunting task. Mountain climbing wasn’t something you’d call an easy feat. He looked up at the sky, which started to lighten just a tad. The storm was still ever so present, but the path remained relatively dry thanks to the heat of the torches.

“ If I wished to just take us to the Sanctum, I could.    But you would learn nothing.        And I would miss this beautiful weather.      Stay on the path, boy, or you’ll find yourself neck deep in snow again. “ These words were dripping in a lack of care for Totty’s state. He kept the torch close to warm him up, making sure to keep his pupil on the relative safety of the boulders instead of the icy surprise that he found himself in moments ago.

“ You are the sadist, Todomatsu Matsuno. “

“ You take pleasure in your own weakness and find false comfort. Do not allow yourself to become the victim of this storm. You must persevere.

          Without this, you are hopeless. “    Strange nudged the thermos into his hands.  “ Drink, or you really will freeze. “

 Keeping his young pupil in check, Stephen continued on, eventually spotting his temple in the distance. An impressive pagoda of sorts could be seen, built into the cliff wall. The snow was reduced to a light powder at this point, and Stephen took it upon himself to lift his tongue into the air to catch a snowflake.

[oujimatsu-blog]

｢💖｣— With every gust of wind hitting his face, he felt frustration being added to the pile of anger and regret that kept growing inside of him, his stare questioning and unimpressed, even in response to the magician’s words. He was the sadist? Well, he couldn’t disagree with that statement, considering he did take pleasure in making other people suffer, but this was hardly the kind of situation this accusation could have been applied to. Little joy did he feel standing in the middle of nowhere, being told that all of this was part of his training and not just his teacher’s way of saying that he hated him. 

Regardless, he took the drink into his hands, letting out another puff of air while he decided to take a closer look at his surroundings for the first time since his arrival. Truly, the sight was awe-inspiring, though the storm prevented him from looking as far into the distance as he would have liked. Sipping from his drink, he managed to follow the other with surprisingly little effort, neither talking nor looking at him, staying a couple of inches behind. Few people would have guessed that the youngest brother had experience in mountain climbing, though he would have never expected to need said skills in such a way. Following a strange wizard who could probably teach him magic. Part of him questioned his sanity, and what the hell he was thinking. 

By the time they had reached what Todomatsu figured was their goal, the snow had lifted, leaving the two of them in a surprisingly calming scenery of white. Finally, he decided to catch up with the sorcerer, letting out an exhausted sigh by the time he was next to him.

“You’re lucky I’ve done this before”, he huffed, puffing out his cheeks, eyes focusing everywhere except for his conversation partner. “Otherwise I would have insisted on you carrying me.” Still, he couldn’t say it wasn’t nice.

[vishanti]

 Pleased was the best word Stephen could use when he felt Totty take his hand. Once they were both over the threshold, the portal vanished, and all of the detritus used to create the doorway went back to how it should be, to the relief of one diner-goer who got his Caesar salad back.

  Without the obstruction of the large gateway, the setting was much more visible. It was quite chilly, with a solid breeze blowing against them. The mountainside was quite pristine, save for colorful prayer flags which Stephen decorated certain points with. The line of flags closest to them seemed to lead in a path, which was dotted with lit braziers. Sets of stones composed a path through the winding mountainside, may of which seemed quite precarious.

“ This is District Lambda. A harsh and unforgiving place.“ Stephen started upon the path, passing the thermos of tea to his disciple.  “ Few paths down exist and all of them are quite dangerous. That’s why I choose to fly. “

“ We will walk to my Sanctum. There you will begin your training. “ The sorcerer saw who he used to be in this young boy, though he would never dare mention that. He understood more than anyone that the role of a master and their pupil is a deep one, which requires a special kind of rearing. The Ancient One would be dying of laughter if he could see this.

“ Magic, like this journey, is a long road. “ He began, picking up a lit lantern from the first brazier.          “ It is winding and complex.       It is painful. But it is also awe-inspiring, much like the view from way up here.                            It is an art of wonders. “

[oujimatsu-blog]

｢💖｣— At the very least the deep snow had the advantage that he didn’t have to see his boots, as almost the entirety of them had gotten swallowed up in it. With his arms crossed in front of his chest, the sextuplet tried his best to fight against the freezing cold. The surprised glare he had tried to throw back at his new mentor got completely swallowed up by the unforgiving weather as another blow of snowflakes landed right in his face, forcing him to shield himself with his palms. Another gasp for air broke through from his lungs, and it was when he finally decided to take a couple of steps forward that he eventually lost his balance completely. How he ended up knocked over with half of his leg covered in snow was beyond him, though it was the least of his concerns as he struggled to get back onto his feet, huffing a bit. By the time he had caught up to the other, his body was covered in a thin layer of snow, teeth sunken into his tongue as he held back curses and other insults. 

“L-Lamda...”, he repeated, barely loud enough to be audible between the storms howling. Not once had he set foot into one of the districts, let alone left to a place so abandoned and dangerous. If Strange wished to leave him here to die, in what position was he to protest? Regret began to wrap around his chest, constricting his breathing like a tight rope. 

“You couldn’t have taken us straight to your Sanctum? Really?!”, he hissed, perhaps a bit more aggressively than intended. As great as his cute masquerade was any other day, it was quite easy to rip off if the youngest Matsu was pushed. And this. This was definitely pushing it.  “Are you having fun? You’re actually a disgusting sadist, aren’t you?”

[vishanti]

  “ Hm. I did bring something for that. “ Stephen reached his hand out of the portal, pulling out a large sack which sat waiting on a boulder, a bit frozen over. He shook it free of some ice and passed it to the boy. Inside were some essentials; a coat, blankets, some boots and so on. It was times like these that he remembered that not everyone was as used to this climate as he was. That and few had protective sigils for extreme weather.     Whoops.

“ You will not freeze to death. I can provide medical assistance if something happens, but our walk will be a brief one. “ His feet touched the floor and he crossed to the other side of the doorway, putting his hands in his pockets. It was pretty chilly, but years of this kind of environment (and plenty of warm tea) helped him adapt. He took a thermos of it from his cloak pocket and started drinking, already feeling the need to warm up.

  “ Deny me this and I’ll never speak to you again, Todomatsu.                                     The choice is yours. “ A hand crossed from one side of the portal to the other still rooted in the diner.

[oujimatsu-blog]

｢💖｣— The sack slumped to his feet, the sound of it landing on the wooden floor making him jump backwards a step, his expression still tainted by confusion and worry. Okay, so this man created a gate to a snowy mountain in the middle of a diner, and then offered him a sack, apparently full of warm clothes, for him to go wild with and follow him into a magical blizzard. Perhaps he shouldn’t question it, considering he had spent months in this city already, but part of him figured that he’d never quite get used to all of these abnormalities happening around him in such a casual way. Well, unless he planned to join their ranks, to become a magician and be one of them. With his shoulders slumping, he let out a sigh, shutting his eyes before reaching into the bag. 

One after another, he pulled out clothes, and even if he decided to ignore their weird scent, he couldn’t pry his eyes off of the odd colours and the sordid workmanship. Here he thought magic was impressive.  “You really want me to put this on? Here?” The fact that they were standing in the middle of a diner didn’t go past him yet, but he didn’t wait for the obvious response until he got to work. Pulling on the boots and coat, he decided to pull his beanie over his ears, cheeks heating up as he waited for the inevitable freeze to chill him to his bones. No coldness in the world could justify just how little his clothes went together. How big the coat was on his 5′3 tall figure. How much regret rushed through his veins as he reached forward to take the magicians hand, and taking a step forward. 

The wind hit him harder than expected, and suddenly he was glad for the ridiculously furry collar this coat possessed. The sextuplet puffed out his cheeks, watching as his breath escaped as a small cloud of smoke, ascending and disappearing into naught. 

“S-so...”, he stuttered in a mix of awe and coldness.  “Where are we?”

[vishanti]

   In truth, he’s turned away more people than he’s been able to keep track of because that’s all they’ve wanted. Then again, that was his own selfish reason. Stephen had an inkling that there was more to it than that, but complex personal feelings would not be delved into in a diner. Stephen left a few dollars on the table and then got up, taking a small bag out of his pockets.

 It is true that all of his old magic had more or less been negated by this place. But Stephen Strange was the sorcerer supreme for a reason. New spells must be made. Magic cannot die.

  He opened the contents of the bag, a fine powder, and tossed it into the air. Bricks and cushions and metal pipes, all various detritus from the diner seemed to mesh together to create a large doorway, leading to what appeared to be a snowy mountaintop. He ignored the complaints of one of the waitresses, who threatened to call some sort of authority.    It’s just a magic trick.

 “ It won’t be easy, Todomatsu.           But if you agree to this, I promise you, “ He began, sitting cross-legged in the air.

           “ You will become something more. “

[oujimatsu-blog]

｢💖｣— When the powder was thrown, he knew to take a step aside, watching as various items in front of him began to dislocate and twist, creating something entirely bizarre and new. Part of him thanked himself for stepping out of the way so suddenly, because really, he didn’t want to discover what would have happened if some of this powder had gotten on his arm.  A door stood in the middle of the diner, and as someone working as a barista in this strange city he could nothing but relate to the angry waitresses, because it was a hassle to clean up after godlike beings when you yourself didn’t possess an ounce of power. Many things seemed strange to him, not only that this all-mighty wizard agreed to teach him after he explained just how disgusting his intentions were, but also the fact that there was a gate in the middle of the room leading toward snowy mountains. The sextuplet wasn’t naive enough to believe that this would lead out of the city but... --he looked down at his body for a second, then quirked an eyebrow as his hues travelled toward the strange clothing of the magician. He had refused to comment on the cape so far, but it was inevitable for him to bring up the topic of fashion now. 

“You’re kidding, right?”, there was a soft stutter in his voice, though he tried his best to suppress and ignore it.  “You want me to go through this gate? I’ll freeze to death out there!”

[vishanti]

   He nodded, stoic as he digested the boy’s explanation. Silence hung in the air for a few moments as he took another sip of his coffee.

In countless years past, when Stephen asked for tutelage, he came for the most selfish reasons. Indeed, few seek to better themselves for others at first. It takes rigorous training, a forming of the soul if you will, for one to truly master the mystic arts. This he had to learn the hard way.

 “ Incorrect. “ Strange said sternly, eyes looking up from his mug.                 “ I require total honesty. “

    “ I won’t teach you if that is your reason. “

  Strange didn’t know this completely, granted. The golden amulet which sat on his sternum was, apart from very gaudy stylish, an excellent lie detector. An eye from a god, able to peer into souls. Unfortunately, such a mighty boon was snatched away by the powers that be. Although he probably won’t be able to tell every time Romanov told a lie, he was trained quite well in the art of counter-deception.

   “ You must tell me the real reason. I need to know why your soul requires this. “

[oujimatsu-blog]

｢💖｣— Well, colour him surprised. His luck had come to an end with his arrival inside of the city, so it was beyond him why he even considered trying to lie to some kind of all-mighty magician. Perhaps he tried to test him - admittedly, it would have been disappointing if he hadn’t been able to see through the act of a tiny human. A big ego boost for Todomatsu, but regardless, disappointing.  But now he had done it, and now he had to face his decision, the consequences of it all, and something told him that lying a second time wouldn’t bring him any further than it did so far. Perhaps it would erase his chances of being taught all together, and he had always been a bit too careful and cowardly to play with fire as much as he wished sometimes.  But being honest, here and now? He had trouble being sincere to his own reflection even.  “I--”

His fingers clenched, eyes trailing toward the ground in order to find something, really anything else to focus on. His face heat up, heart racing as he struggled to get out the words lingering on the tip of his tongue. They were so easy, so simple too. 

“I’m... a coward.” There it was. He felt so naked, exposed. The rest felt surprisingly easy now, really.  “And... selfish. I want to be something. More than what others are.”

[nekosmatsu-blog]

He is glad, that he cannot see, though in some ways he wishes it was, instead, the other way around. He can’t bear to see his brother’s reaction, whatever it may be; at this point he doesn’t know what could happen, is afraid of what will happen. And he doesn’t want to let him see; let Todomatsu see his own tears, his own tight face, the way he’s tensing, the way he’s red, the way he’s glancing down at his hands, like he’s unsure of what to do with them, the way his words feel, right now.

God. He won’t blame him, if his younger brother stormed out on him a teary, sobbing mess, right now. Ichimatsu probably deserves it, even, probably; can’t find it in him to tease him for such a move, though, but that was perhaps for the best. He wouldn’t blame him, if he did; at least if it happened, he’d have the room to himself.

But then Todomatsu speaks, and it’s completely unexpected, and he can’t help it when his head jerks up, eyes wide, perhaps tinged with a bit of red.

What?

The table’ve turned, and Ichimatsu would’ve almost laughed at the irony of it all if it weren’t for the fact that it made him so uncomfortable. Nothing make sense anymore. Todomatsu, admitting that Ichimatsu was right? Todomatsu, confessing with an apology?

(Todomatsu, telling Ichimatsu that he was allowed to hate him?)

“I— I don’t…” he shakes his head, like he’s trying to grasp for the words he can’t seem to form. His hands clench and unclench, and he rubs at the insides of his palms. “Todomatsu, I— I don’t… I’m not…”

And he’s looking at his hands, now, only because he’s terrified of looking up, of letting his brother see him. He’s fraying at the edges, words jumbled and terrified, and he’s wondering— why is this so hard? Who is it so hard to say, no, I don’t hate you? Why can’t he seem to bring himself say it— is it because he’s just too selfish to admit it?

Disgusting, he thinks. Here he is, throwing all this hate on the little, baby brother, blaming him for being selfish when he wasn’t being any better.

This is a mess. He knows that. Perhaps it hasn’t ended up like it did before, the first time, all those months ago, but that doesn’t mean it can’t. Doesn’t mean that it was still possible, and as much as he says he hates him, says he doesn’t want him here, says he thinks he’s stooped so low, the dial’s headed south, the burner’s died down; he’s exhausted. Tired. He doesn’t know if he can take any more, can let this disaster of a conversation drag any further.

He’s almost considering leaving. Can’t bring himself to tell Todomatsu to, and he’s figuring that he’s lived here, long enough, that he can handle it; just so as long as he leaves, as this ends, it doesn’t matter. And he almost does— shifts his hand to his side, about to heave himself up to his feet—

And then Todomatsu settles himself next to him, touches him, brings him into a hug, and suddenly Ichimatsu’s heart just stops.

It’s like the world’s gone mad, flipped over sideways, turned inside out and thrust itself into the heavens— and in a way, perhaps more literally than he’d like to admit, it has. But here? Now? His little facet of it, where things usually made sense, where things were supposed to be the way they always were, where he and Todomatsu would fight and fight, never able to craft the words they really, truly meant, where he was the elder brother and Todomatsu was the youngest brother, where Todomatsu would be the one crying, would be the one to need comfort, a hug— not this. Not this— whatever this is.

He tenses, tightly, body wound taut and eyes stretched wide. He can’t— he can’t. Can’t react, can’t say anything, can’t bring himself to even move, to even properly think.

What is this? (What is this?) Wasn’t this different? Wasn’t this off? Wasn’t this wrong? Wasn’t this twisted and turned over because he was older, and he was younger, and it was supposed to be the other way around— because Todomatsu isn’t supposed to do this, isn’t supposed to be the one to comfort, isn’t supposed to the the rock, even if Ichimatsu always failed miserably to fill that spot?

It wasn’t Todomatsu’s responsibility to do this, wasn’t his place to help him— didn’t they know that? Didn’t he know that? That this was so, so wrong?

Ichimatsu is fine. Angry, maybe, upet, maybe, but fine. He doesn’t need— he doesn’t want—

(and not from him.)

When he tries to breath, it’s like he pulling a dull saw through a log— it drags, it jerks, it never completely pulls through, snagging hard and tight at his lungs, his throat, his teeth, his tongue. His face is wet and hot and red, but he can’t think about that now— because he’s can’t break. Not here, not now.

(He doesn’t need this. Not from him.)

He’s not going to give him the damn satisfaction of giving in to this stupid hug, these attempts at gentle words. He’s not going to cry, not going to let his younger brother get to him, not going to show this just because of a cuddle, not going to trust him with even this one moment because he can’t— he can’t—

And it’s like his body’s acting on its own, releasing a single, choked sob.

And that’s when he decides to surrender, gives in, and releases everything else.

It’s relieving. To let it out, to break the dams, to take away the barriers that’ve been holding him back all this time, cracking thin at the edges, broken at the core. To let it happen, to not hold back, to allow a moment of weakness, a second of trust, because he doesn’t understand, can’t comprehend, because it’s all just too much and too hard and he just doesn’t know if he can, anymore.

Some part of him weakly protests, desperate, terrified. He doesn’t show this. He’s never shown this. Why should now be any different, just because he’s hugged him, just because he’s apologized? Why should it change now, just because he’s telling him everything’s alright, that he’ll be fine?

He doesn’t understand. Not what Todomatsu’s doing, comforting him with hugs and these gentle words; not what he’s doing, trying to hold back tears as they come and come and come. Can’t bring himself to try, not now.

But all he can do now is turn, bury his face in his brother’s shoulder, and let it all out.

He’s going to be embarrassed, he knows. Will one day fiercely deny it, violently renounce it, refuse that the moment even happened. One day he’ll probably threaten his younger brother to do the same, terrified that such a moment of weakness can ever be exposed.

But now he allows it. Tentatively releases his grip, trickles out his trust. Gingerly offers it to his brother, because he can no longer hold it, not here, not now.

For now, instead, he offers his brother a gesture of trust.

[oujimatsu-blog]

｢💖｣— Twin telepathy. Apparently that was something that existed between siblings born on the same date. A kind of mystical power that allowed them to communicate with each other without words, to know what the other thought, felt, what they wanted. Well, nobody had ever talked about sextuplet telepathy though. His heart raced by the time he had realized that his arms were wrapped around his brother, holding him close, whispering sweet words into his ear as if he had gone on autopilot. Nothing made much sense anymore, and without anybody holding him back in order to help releasing the built-up tension inside of him, he felt cold and unsafe. If Ichimatsu pushed him away, he’d have nobody to cling to, nobody to cheer him up, because this was his fault and his failure. His brothers wouldn’t have been dragged into this mess if it wasn’t for him. They wouldn’t have yelled at him, wouldn’t have been upset if he hadn’t tried to justify the unforgivable. For the first time in forever, he felt alone, like the world had abandoned him, and for good reasons too. 

Tears began to stream down his brother’s face, and each gentle sob, suppressed and held back, felt like another deep stab into his heart, because this was his responsibility. His fourth brother, the tough one, the distant one, the sadist, the unpredictable, the unbreakable sat in his arms sobbing, crying out his hurt and it stung. Todomatsu knew he wasn’t good at a lot of things. He was decent at most, but comforting was something he was clearly and without a doubt horrible at. Thinking about his own feelings in a situation like this? Thinking about the culprit, the executor, the mastermind behind the game before his crying sibling? No, he wasn’t like that, was he? He supported him right now. He had come all this way just to see him, just because he was worried. He didn’t abandon him. He sure as hell wasn’t clinging to him now, making the poorest attempt at comforting in order to redeem himself, to make himself feel better. He did care. He cared. God, he cared so much. 

His fingers curled into the greasy hair of his sibling, his nose burying into it in an attempt to completely erase the distance between them. There was no one in this world he was closer with, nobody who lived and breathed and looked and thought just like him. Just his family, his brothers. The people he could always come back to, who would dry his tears, cheer him up, who knew him better than he did, even. They had each other’s backs.  He clung to his brother, trying not to hurt him as he brushed his fingers over his back, taking in another shaky breath.  They had each other, yes. Unlike him. Unlike Joshua. Who carried this burden all by himself. It wasn’t wrong to be there for him too, right? Even if he did this. Even if his brother was shot, blinded and cried because of him. Even so, Todomatsu still... Regardless, he was still-- “Ichimatsu-niisan...”, his voice was gentle, yet breathy. Shaky. Unstable as he tried to keep it together for him. For them both.

“I’m here for you.” Carefully, he began to shift underneath his brother, moved until he pulled his legs on the bed, curling himself around his sibling fully. He, too, needed the comfort, the closeness, the security having a brother brought. He wrapped around his torso, squeezing him close. “I-I know it’s not much, b-but... I’m here.” Be here for me too.

[vishanti]

@oujimatsu·

“ So. “

     Stephen tapped his fingers on the table, looking at his company up and down. When he received a message to meet, the Sorcerer Supreme was obligated to come out. This was a being of inconceivable power. He knew looks could not be taken for face value.  But. Well.      This was a fucking muppet.

   He picked up his mug of coffee and took another sip, then leaned back in his chair.

     “ Why do you want to learn magic? “

[oujimatsu-blog]

｢💖｣— Perhaps asking for a direct meeting hadn’t been the best idea he had ever come up with, though the sextuplet figured that a bunch of his groundbreaking conclusions had been miserable lately. It was whatever, really. Besides, he had only heard rumors about this man, whispers here and there, the usual gossip about beings that could probably destroy him in the blink of an eye. The usual same, old threats that went hand in hand with the everlasting fear he had walking these unpredictable streets. It was partly because of this that he wished to be entirely elsewhere in this very moment, while another, currently larger voice in his head forced him to keep it together and stay. If there was one thing he had learned during the past month, then it was that he couldn’t possibly rely on others to protect him here. Not with people coming and going without a warning, no way. He had definitely learned his lesson regarding that. 

His shoulders were tense, and he couldn’t find it in himself to relax. With his arms crossed, he dug his fingers into his sleeves, taking a deep breath before replying. “W-well I...”, finding the answer was tougher than expected. Or rather, he didn’t know how to put it that wouldn’t make him sound like a selfish coward.

“I have something to protect”  Ah yes, perfect.  “M-my family is here, so...”

[oujimatsu-blog]

nobody saw that ok

[stoleurbf]

Espresso Yourself

Wallace doesn’t even like coffee that much. But what he does like, and his reason for walking back inside and ordering yet another tall dark roast coffee with three sugars and cream, is the barista. He’s not even sure what it is about him—he’s pretty sure he saw five others who looked exactly like him. But he recognizes this sextuplet as the one who found his way into the abandoned bar during the whole everyone’s dying incident. And something about him just clicked for Wallace.

Not to mention his gaydar is going off the charts right now.

So he pays for yet another coffee, the bitterness of the beans just barely covered up with the cream and sugar. And he steps outside and sets it down—next to thirteen other half-empty cups. Way too much coffee. Way too much coffee for one man to drink by himself. And it’d probably incredibly suspicious if that barista were to walk out and see him—

A door closes and a lock clicks behind him. Closing time.

                                                                                                                  💖 @oujimatsu

[oujimatsu-blog]

｢💖｣— Ever since that day when they had first met inside of that abandoned bar, he seemed to constantly bump into the drunk young man no matter where his steps took him. Part of him wanted to know why exactly he knew where he was working, or how he managed to catch the exact schedule Totty had been assigned to, then proceeded to order one cup of coffee after the next one. Another, much bigger, part of him figured he was a stalker, and his object of desire happened to be him now. Perhaps the city had driven him crazy, considering no sane person would buy so many cups of coffee in such a short amount of time, at least in his book. Well, as long as he didn’t bother anyone and decided to pay, the sextuplet wouldn’t complain. 

It was only when he decided to step outside after closing time that his suspicions and worries increased tenfold, his eyes blankly staring at the half-emptied cups and back at the customer’s face. Honestly, did he plan to build something with all of these, or was he even more of a creepy weirdo than Todomatsu had been fearing. Regardless, the café was closed for the day. He’d have to tell him to leave. 

“Excuse me”, he cleared his throat, his voice surprisingly cold, considering that the guy he was addressing had been his best customer today. “We’re closing. Go home, and take your cups with you.”

[nagomineeto]

    They were the same age.

    It was stupid, for him to think he was actually the oldest. He rarely acted like it. He was never more mature than any of them; mentally, he was probably one of the most immature of them all.

    Todomatsu was a baby, and he acted like it. Whether it was all an act or just a matter of habit from being raised as the spoiled youngest was anyone’s guess; Osomatsu knew it was a little bit of both. He knew a lot about all of them, and maybe that’s what made him the oldest. 

    So maybe he wasn’t there to be a strong moral compass, but he could supply a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen. when it really depended on it. Up until now, he really hadn’t just listened. He’d open his fat mouth at every given opportunity, and the road that led him down was no good to anyone.

    But now, now he was listening; letting his crybaby brother stand there with his arms around him. Osomatsu stays silent, listens to the thrum of music faintly in the distance as Todomatsu’s sobs all but drown them out. A hand travels up to the other’s head, offering a few gentle pats of comfort and little more. He doesn’t dare say a word, in risk of ruining this, this… melancholy? Forgiveness? Dependency? He’s not sure what to call it, but whatever it is, even though the pangs of guilt beat in his throat, it’s still better than what it was before.

[oujimatsu-blog]

｢💖｣— As time continued to pass by, tears kept flowing and his brother’s hand ran through his hair, the wish to disappear to somewhere entirely else emerged from the back of his mind, because damn, what kind of bartender cried right next to the crowd at the party he was supposed to work at? Frustration mixed with the sadness and longing that threatened to swallow him up, and while he decided against saying it out loud, he felt thankful, glad that he wasn’t alone, that his brother was here for him. Joshua Kiryu was the last person he wanted to talk about with him. There was a silent agreement between them that bringing up that name would lead to no good, and regardless of how much they cared about each other, he doubted his oldest sibling could ever sympathize with his current feelings. That was fine, he didn’t need to understand. If everything had gone according to his plan, none of his brothers would have ever met him anyway. Or ended up being killed by him. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling sick suddenly.

“...Osomatsu-niisan...”, it felt like it had been years since the last time he had called out his name like this. So vulnerable and hurt, like an actual baby waiting for his big brother to pick him up, lulling him to sleep. His face pressing against his chest was the closest solution to hiding behind him in safety he could find. “I-I’m...” Sad. Thankful. Tired. Desperate. Glad you’re here. Why was it so hard for him to admit any sort of emotions toward him? Why was it so hard to admit that regardless of how much they fought, there were no arms he’d ever feel safer in. And he called himself an adult. How pathetic.

[pridefulsuggestion]

like damn, i may be arrogant as hell, but at least i’m Right™.

[nagomineeto]

    Once the initial surprise of the news had settled in, Osomatsu heaved a sigh and stepped back from the close proximity which his brother had kept him in, and leaned his back against the wall, arms crossed across his chest.

    “It sounds like going through all the trouble of defending him was for nothing in the end, huh?” How insensitive could he be? He even smiled, despite his brother’s tears. Did he really have no sense of empathy at all?

    No, it wasn’t that. To be so insensitive and uncaring, would he even have any right to call himself the eldest? It’s not like he did a very good job with that most of the time, but he at least had to try.

    “I bet it’s a lot easier for me to tell you to just forget about him than it is for you to actually do it. After all, you liked him.” Osomatsu doesn’t look at the youngest, but he can still hear the quiet mucous-filled sniffs in his breathing, so he offers a tissue from his pocket without a word. “Though wallowing in sorrow doesn’t exactly suit you either.”

[oujimatsu-blog]

｢💖｣— His fingers were shaking, making it increasingly difficult to keep the grasp on his clothes while he stared at his brother’s feet, the weight of the situation resting on his shoulders too heavily to even consider lifting his face. His words, as always, are sharp, they’re not very subtle and his oldest sibling had never been known for picking them out too wisely. His thoughts circled, muttering to himself that alright, he got it, he didn’t care about the fact that Joshua was gone. Perhaps he felt relief, even. But as certain as his apathy for the young death god was, as much was the youngest aware of the fact that Osomatsu Matsuno was the last person who’d leave him alone if tears rolled down his cheek. The sight of his tissue caused his eyes to widen, because he didn’t expect a gesture this tiny to blow away his grief and replace it with another source of sadness he had pretended didn’t exist. 

He had missed him, missed his brother and his stupid care, and how overbearing and absolutely impossible he was. Anger rushed through his veins, then followed by hurt, the hard reminder of their last conversation, and how it stung, regardless of whether his brother had meant his words or not. As if his body was being carried by a greater force, he moved forward, ignoring his sibling’s offer in order to lean against his chest.  His crying was silent by then, no sobs, just quiet tears. Fingers found their way to the other’s back, loosely falling against it, not daring to press him closer. He shut his eyes, his cheek resting on his brother’s shoulder. 

[levitersora-archive]

@oujimatsu

From one stressful week to a calming ball, there was just so much going on that would have anyone, even a hero like himself, so beat up, that a day of just laying around and doing nothing would be best. But first, some food to bring home would be best instead of constantly eating snacks. Meals were important after all. Just as he made his run out, he spot someone familiar. Looks like he was lost in his own thoughts. That wasn’t going to stop the young hero from getting his attention. “To–” No wait, that’s not him. “I mean, Ichimatsu!”

[oujimatsu-blog]

｢💖｣— Polished nails flew over the screen of his phone as if the young man had been planning to send a text to every citizen of the hive at the very same time. The gentle clicking noises of his nails brushing against his phone’s surface only slowed down whenever the sextuplet decided to reach for his iced coffee, sucking on the straw without taking his eyes from the device he was holding even once. His hues only trailed upward at the mentioning of his - or rather it was his brother’s - name, and the sound of a familiar voice crying out for him from not too far. If he hadn’t had an entire life to get used to the constant misunderstandings and mixing up, he might have rolled his eyes, but all that followed was a silent sigh, completely void of anything meaningful. “It’s Todomatsu”, he corrected him, his expression and mood softening at the sight of the seemingly endless positivity radiating off of the young keyblade wielder. It wasn’t fair, how much his smile just seemed to scream home, really.

“It feels like it’s been ages since we met last. How’s life?”