i want to be praised and appreciated just for taking care of myself i want it so bad im sick of thr the role i've been put in and theres no end in sight at all
at wchool, im hardworking, expected to stay on top of all my classes, doing everything i can to grt a high gpa. im apparently so smart and capable and all the fucking "potential" i have so much potential like im a golden child and its simply exprcted that i do tue work and i get it all done no matter what. all this potential, to be a stem kod to get an associates eraly to be hardeorking and top wveryone else in theri eysl, to get a good paying tech job or work as an officer in the military becuase im so capable om so "smart" i lt makes me want to bawl my fucking eyes out every tome i think about my future. my brother gets so much leniency and praise for his honest work and im told he's just "not like me" academically or whatever the hell when i dont WNAT to be a respectable responsible high standard
when school wnds and break starts, i recluse into my room and bedrot and i stay on my phone and i draw and now i need to leave the house more, need to get my hours in, im "lazy and unmotivated", im "unproductive" and need to do something and need to get off my ass when i want to melt away into my room forever
i domt even know if im mentally ill if i deserve to be called sick of i deserve help but i do know i dont want this weight anymore i dont want to be propped up when the expectations come for me and then scolded for rotting all day for weeks when i get my break i just want someone to be happy with me to hold my hand to hold me and tell me i did a good job because i ate something or showered or anything but im not sick enought to get any help and i dont deserve it ao i just need to keep pushing push push push push push push push all the time
i cant see any future for me
