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I Want To Believe (In Us)

For @oumasaiexchange s Autumn Exchange, written for recipient number 1!!

Prompt: Drama! I like angst with a happy ending. I adore bittersweet content in fanfics. And as art, I like anything with really pastel colors and cute things.

Word count: 4,924

Summary: Shuichi Saihara wasn’t too keen on summoning the undead this late at night, especially when the temperature outside his beaten down Subaru Legacy had just gotten down to below freezing.

Shuichi Saihara wasn’t too keen on summoning the undead this late at night, especially when the temperature outside his beaten down Subaru Legacy had just gotten down to below freezing.

The car itself rattled with each labored breath it took attempting to keep its inhabitants warm, and dust had started to pile up on the far reaches of the dashboard, but it was in better shape now than when Shuichi had gotten it.

He had bought his car earlier that year from one of his Uncle’s coworkers and had spent nearly half that amount of time trying to repair it. When he had gotten the car its seats were worn and stained with who knows what, and both the tail lights were out. There were also multiple dents on the trunk and on its sides, and upon seeing it Shuichi had realized why he had gotten the car so cheap. He had managed to fix the taillights and sanitize the inside, but from various investigations and some dubious late-night research, he figured those dents were just there to stay.

He sighed as another sneeze sounded out from beside him and more dust scattered itself around them.

“You’re going to catch some sort of disease if you keep digging through the library’s collection of occult tomes,” Shuichi said, laying his headache-ridden skull back on the headrest. ‘The black plague is back you know, and you’re not immune.“

He could practically hear the sly smile creeping its way onto Kokichi*s face.

"Aw, is my Shumai worried about me? Oh! Maybe he’s just jealous that I’ll find evidence of the supernatural before him, the Super High School Level Detective of all people!” He giggled mockingly, a childish lilt to his voice.

“Hardly,” Shuichi replied wryly, gazing down drowsily at the dim blue light of the clock.

11:47 P.M.

Thirteen more minutes.

Then Kokichi would try to summon whatever demonic creature he found this week in one of his many forums, historical books, or maybe even a newspaper, ultimately failing, and Shuichi could drive them back to the dorms so that he could watch more of the X-Files until he fell asleep.

That had been their routine since about halfway through their first year at Hope’s Peak Academy. Shuichi remembered the day when the infamous Kokichi Ouma had come to his dorm room one night, loud, out of rhythm knocking interrupting the peaceful quite Shuichi had become accustomed to throughout his small-time staying there. He had said he needed a ride somewhere and that he wasn’t taking his chances with the questionable form of art that was public transportation.

He also made a point to say that Shuichi was the only classmate he knew with a car, which was utter nonsense if you asked him. Mondo in the class three years above them had a motorcycle and made sure everyone knew it, and Kazuichi from the class above them was a mechanic for Pete’s sake. Even Miu and Kaito owned their own trucks and Kirumi had a motorcycle she cherished dearly.

Shuichi recalled brushing it off, Kokichi did enjoy his lies after all. And he didn’t mind going out that night, especially since he meant to go out anyway and grab some snacks for his study session with Kaito, Maki, and Kaede the next day. Which, coincidentally, he ended up almost missing because of how late he slept in.

They ended up staying out until about 3:00 A.M. that night. Kokichi had said it was a stakeout for something Shuichi wouldn’t understand, which was probably true considering to him it was a complete waste of time since the only memorable thing that happened that night was a particularly loud owl cooing from somewhere in the trees nearby.

And yet Kokichi came back a few days later with another reason to take Shuichi out into a field in the middle of nowhere, where the stars above shone brighter than any street lamp, and the tranquility was omnipotent.

Shuichi had figured out where he was driving them to a few days in. It was a small field brimming with red and purple wildflowers in the spring and summer, near an old farm where a nice lady lived with her sheep and chickens. She had apparently inherited it from her grandfather who had been missing for years, it had made front-page news about two years ago.

There was a shuffling from beside him, and when Shuichi looked over Kokichi seemed to be going through some sort of hastily written notes. Then he remembered what Kokichi’s handwriting looked like and determined that it was probably actually pretty thorough, just too messy to read at a glance. He didn’t bother trying to read it, and he honestly wasn’t too interested in what it was pertaining, only because he knew even if Kokichi did try to explain it to him without lying through the whole thing he still wouldn’t understand why it was so important.

The only words he was able to glean from his momentary glance were the title headers that contained such words as 'continued from page two’,'very dangerous’, and 'what to do if…’. He had no clue what Kokichi was trying to accomplish, or if he’d even succeed, he only knew that this was one of the things he openly took seriously. At least in Shuichi’s eyes, he didn’t know what the rest of his classmates saw.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when the passenger’s side door opened. “Well Shuichi, wish me luck in not getting my head completely obliterated by a demonic entity!” The smaller boy chirped, exiting the vehicle and trekking through the snowy field, occasionally sidestepping a slippery patch of ice hidden in the weeds. Shuichi watched the other boy for a while, followed him with dull golden eyes, how Kokichi gazed up at the stars for an answer to his question, whatever that was, how he scrutinized each star falling upon his gaze, always searching for something, even in the dead of winter.

And yet Shuichi still couldn’t figure the other boy out.

He didn’t understand what was so important about this field if there even was anything really important about this field. He figured Kokichi probably wasn’t above lying about taking Shuichi out someplace in the middle of nowhere.

He’d have to keep going on these escapades with him to find out what was so important with this place.

Apparently, there wasn’t anything important about the field. And if there had been, then Kokichi had completely blown it off.

It was late December when Kokichi decided to take a look down in Hope’s Peak Academy’s basement. Which, granted was better than driving icy roads at the midnight hour, but at least in his car Shuichi had heating.

The basement was dark and dank, smelling of dust and mold, and Shuichi got the distinct feeling that if he touched one of the walls on accident, he’d catch some sort of wicked disease. Kokichi, naturally, thought it was just right.

“You know Shuichi, this would be the perfect place to summon an unholy monstrosity,” Kokichi said, walking beside him, flashlight in hand, round eyes glancing about the large room. “I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a dead body hidden somewhere down here either."

"Kokichi why are we down here? Don’t you have anything better to do? Like studying for that physics exam maybe?” Shuichi said, ignoring the other boy’s previous statements, he had long gotten used to Kokichi’s ramblings by now. He twisted his flashlight towards his right, coming across nothing but a slate grey wall and empty space.

Kokichi gave him a wild look, violet eyes and bright white teeth gleaming from his light. “Oh Shuichi my beloved, when will you learn,” he tsked. “I never study for those stupid things, we get them like every week, and as long as you pay attention in class, you’re good enough."

"You don’t pay attention though,” Shuichi said doubtfully, peering at him through his peripherals. “Earlier today you got into an argument with Rantaro in the middle of class."

Kokichi grinned, "Oh you’ve got it all wrong! I’m a master at multitasking, a leader such as myself would no doubt be able to know what’s going on in class whilst debating with my lab partner about whether or not contacting aliens is unethical!"

Shuichi rolled his eyes back into his head, he should’ve expected an answer like that.

"Ew, what’s that creepy look on your face for?” He heard Kokichi say disgustedly.

Shuichi hummed questioningly in response, somewhat quirking a brow, as his gaze fell back to Kokichi.

“You got an ugly smile on your face, you look like a sadist or something,” Kokichi said, pointing his lithe fingers towards Shuichi’s face. And to his shock, Shuichi realized he had let a small smirk cross his features. Unconsciously he took a small step back and raised his hands in defense.

“O-oh it’s nothing, I just remembered something funny from earlier,” He said, hoping he successfully blew Kokichi’s question off.

He leered at Shuichi for a moment before something caught his eye ahead of them and he jumped forward.

He sighed in relief, then paused abruptly. Why was he relieved? He had nothing to hide, so why was he so nervous under Kokichi’s glare? Why did he feel so guilty all of a sudden?

He eyed Kokichi, who had gotten a good few meters away by then, as he crouched down to pick at something on the ground. He was like a child, Shuichi thought, a really disturbing child, and he found himself wanting to let another smile crawl onto his face.

He determined that Kokichi was way too charming for his own good.

As the sun set on a snowy evening a few weeks after their basement escapade, Kokichi found himself back in the same boat. Not that he’d ever left, bugging Shuichi had been a hobby of his since late October.

He sighed wearily and rested his head against the desk in his dorm. He had ended up pulling another all-nighter preparing for tonight’s investigation. They would be going down to the basement again, this time looking for a special type of worm Kokichi had heard about in a podcast. The midnight worm, as they were called, were bloodsuckers and could leap up to seven feet, maybe higher, and he wasn’t passing up the chance to possibly find such a rare specimen.

Shuichi didn’t know that of course. Kokichi made sure he always goes into their little adventures blind. He liked watching the detective piece together the clues he was given, it was fascinating, especially for a runagate like him. The puzzled looks, the tentative movements, it was all just like sweet cream, and Kokichi was the cat lapping it up.

His favorite was when Kokichi had planned a particularly difficult puzzle and Shuichi got fidgety. He bore witness to nose scrunching, nail-biting, clothes tugging, and the like. It made him extremely pleased to know that he’s stumped his starcrossed rival.

Shuichi never learned of what those investigations were about, Kokichi never told him. And he could see how crazy it made the detective, not knowing just what he had gotten himself into. Which was the best part, Shuichi wasn’t entitled to come with Kokichi anymore, now that they had moved indoors for the deep winter. He could easily say no and reject coming with, and yet he just kept doing it.

This also made Kokichi happy to see, as he had piqued the interest of Shuichi so much so that he just couldn’t say no.

This was Kokichi’s most nefarious plot yet.

He’d keep coming up with these inspections, keep traveling from basement, to field, to the coast to wherever, as long as Shuichi came with him, until… well. He hadn’t figured that part out yet. He only knew that whatever it was going to lead to, it would be amazingly entertaining.

Kokichi smiled to himself as he gathered up his notes on the midnight worms. He hadn’t had this much fun in a long time.

The corridors were quiet as he made his way down to Shuichi’s room, stark white walls clashing with the dark wood. Finally, he stood in front of the door of his acquaintance. His friend? His colleague. Though that still didn’t seem right as he knocked quickly on the door. A pattern Shuichi had no doubt gotten used to.

There was a sound like someone had just set something down and some slight curious mumbling from inside when the door swung open.

“Hello, there Mr. Detective! I’ve finally come to murder you in cold blood!” He lilted, stretching out the 'hello’ for effect.

The boy in front of him didn’t look fazed in the slightest, in fact, he looked almost expectant.

“There you are, I was starting to worry if I had gotten my timing wrong,” Shuichi said, clearly relieved.

Kokichi grinned, “Aw, were you worried about little old me? Don’t worry, I’m always at your door on Thursday evenings, rain or shine!”

“Its Wednesday.”

He shrugged, “Tomato, Tomahto. Ready to get moving? We don’t have all night.”

Shuichi gave him a long look before blinking, coming back to his senses. “Yeah definitely, just let me grab my bag quick.” He turned around, rummaging behind his door. He returned after a few seconds and gave Kokichi a courteous nod.

He started forward, not looking back to see if Shuichi was following him, because he always was.

“So what are we looking for today?” Shuichi asked. His footsteps were even, but Kokichi could feel the expectancy radiating off him. It made his smile return, even brighter this time.

“Oh you know I can’t tell you that, it’d be no fun that way. You are a detective after all.” He called, looking over his shoulder. He saw Shuichi blow a small breath out of his mouth. He was glad to know the other boy was still interested.

That was Kokichi’s last thought before they descended the staircase into the basement.

Shuichi had a problem. Quite a big one in fact. It had kept him up night after night, and the worst thing about was he couldn’t even do anything about it.

He was falling in love with Kokichi Ouma. Except there was something wrong with that sentiment, it being that he really couldn’t fully say that he was in love.

He had seen firsthand how people act when they’re in love, he knew the consequences of it.

And Shuichi was terrified.

He had seen relationships fall apart, sometimes while he studied at his Uncle’s detective agency, and other times just out in the world.

He remembered one time when he was younger and still lived with his parents, his mother had taken him out Christmas shopping. They were almost finished and were about to check out when an older guy, a high schooler he had assumed at the time, started shrieking about his girlfriend breaking his heart. And Shuichi was not too keen on replicating that.

Not that he ever thought he’d go on an angry rampage in a craft store decorated to the brim with wreaths and poinsettias, he liked to think he had much more self-control than that.

No, Shuichi knew he couldn’t deal with the aftermath of heartbreak, especially his very first one. It was common knowledge that high school relationships rarely ever last, and if they did, they developed into cruel, twisted and spiteful ones after a good while. And just thinking about the thought that he may never recover from a heartbreak that bad kept him up at night.

Even more so now that there was a person he liked. Not loved. Definitely, totally not loved, he was way too young for that.

But the way that Kokichi always had a puzzle for him, always made sure to keep some sense of mystery going, absolutely captivated him, and he was met with the mental image of a certain infamous mastermind playing a game of cat and mouse with a familiar detective.

And his heart ached every time Kokichi brought him out somewhere now, as he watched violet eyes sparkle with delight at stumping him. He noticed that when the other boy was particularly excited for something, he’d twirl his hair around his finger ever so often. Which made his heart swell with something, all because Kokichi actually cared. He had spent numerous days, weeks even, of his life researching things for Shuichi to help him 'discover’, and the thought that someone was there for him, and thought about him so often drove him insane.

But high school relationships never last. It’s not love. It’s just some silly game they played. Nothing more. This was never going to go anywhere, so why even bother right? There’d be someone else when he was older, more mature.

Shuichi was not going to ask Kokichi out, no matter how much he wanted to. Because as long as he kept reminding himself of that one simple fact that has so far been proven true and just, it would all be okay in the end.

At least he hoped so anyway.

Kokichi was suffering.

Valentine’s day was just around the corner, and he was choking on hearts of red and pink, all because he went and started liking some stupid detective. A very handsome stupid detective. A handsome, and capable, but nevertheless foolish detective.

He had done everything in his power to make Shuichi see him in that way, but it still hasn’t worked, and he was starting to get frustrated.

Kokichi had created case after case, researched day and night for something, anything to get Shuichi interested in him. And to a degree, it had worked. Now, they were what most people would safely call 'friends’. And that was well and good, but just friends, the thought of nothing more ever happening between them, made his stomach fall through the floor all the way to some sort of afterlife.

But he couldn’t stop trying. There was no harm in trying, only progress. At least that’s what Rantaro and Miu would tell him when he lamented to them about his failing love life. That, and some other, less motivational words.

There was nothing left to do except suck it up, do some more exploration into things that might pique the other’s interest even more so than he had already accomplished, and continue with his plan.

Kokichi was either doomed to fail or gain a mediocre at best win.

Shuichi couldn’t do this anymore. It was time to throw in the towel.

He couldn’t take the late nights with Kokichi, the unnoticed glances he threw the other boy. The teasing was unbearable as well, he found it impossible not to be flustered around the other boy, and Kokichi would always respond with some snarky comment like, for example, accusing Shuichi of having a crush on him.

Which really wasn’t very nice at all, specifically because of the way Kokichi would stare at him when he asked the question. Like he was actually expecting some sort of answer.

It made Shuichi’s gut turn. Because really what was he supposed to say? 'Actually, you know what, I do like you Kokichi, a lot.’ What kind of sadistic person would do that to themselves? People with a crush on a short, immature, liar that’s who.

No.

No, he was done with it. He had to end it now or else it would never happen.

Shuichi had planned it all in his head. Each step in a specific fashion, planned carefully so that he’d have the best results. Which really would just be Kokichi not calling him out on the spot.

Yet as he walked down the hall towards Kokichi’s room, he felt his legs moving at an unearthly slow pace. He had to convince himself multiple times that it would be okay, that he could do this, and he wouldn’t disintegrate while in the middle of speaking.

Because it was either this or more useless pining after a foolish dream.

As he arrived at the door, Shuichi realized he was shaking the tiniest bit and had to will himself to raise his hand towards the door. His fist clenched so hard, he wouldn’t be surprised if he drew blood soon. Then the door swung open, and Kokichi Ouma stood in front of him, eyes wide and brows raised.

“Oh hey Shuichi,” he chirped pleasantly. “Are you stalking me now? Because you know, standing outside someone’s door is kinda creepy.”

Shuichi felt his face heat up as he stumbled back a step. No doubt his face was as red as the wildflowers just starting to grow in the gardens outside.

He quickly realized his fist was still raised and shot it down beside him.

“Well, no actually, um, I have-” he started but was interrupted by the boy in front of him.

“Whatever, anyways Shuichi we’re going out tonight!” Kokichi exclaimed happily, grinning from ear to ear. Except something seemed off.

Something he couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“O-out?”

“Yup! Remember that old field we went to a few months back? The one by the spooky old murder barn? We’re going back there tonight!”

Shuichi did remember that field. And that barn in fact, though he didn’t recall any homicides occurring near it. “You mean you’re going to make me drive you out there again?” Shuichi asked, knowing the answer already as Kokichi nodded his head casually. “Look, Kokichi, I would really love to drive you there but-”

“Great! It’s a date then! I’ll see you tonight Shuichi!” He said, leaning forward and dragging out Shuichi’s name in a way that made his heart leap.

And just like that, there was a door back in his face as Kokichi closed it on him.

He stood there for a few moments, unsure of what to do next. His choice of words and use of 'date’ made his voice catch in his throat, but ultimately he decided it was just a coincidence.

He decided to go along with Kokichi that night, and he’d tell him there that they couldn’t continue these late-night shenanigans.

Tonight would be the last time.

The air was cool with an early spring breeze when they arrived at the grassy meadow. It was nearly dark when the two left the dorms, so Kokichi had made sure to pack some flashlights. He laid down a small linen blanket he’d also made sure to bring over the fresh grass, they were going to be here a while he figured, so why not be comfortable?

Shuichi stood awkwardly at the edge of the blanket, eyeing Kokichi wearily as he relaxed down onto it. “What’s that look for Shuichi?” He asked in a way that hopefully resembled his usual tone and hid the nervousness he was feeling. “If I was less humble I’d say you look a bit flustered.”

He swore he saw Shuichi’s face turn pinker than usual, but he blamed it on the lack of light. Kokichi did, however, watch as the detective shifted his weight, clearly on the fence about something, before settling onto the blanket next to him.

Kokichi looked up into the night, staring into the vastness of the universe. They had traveled far enough from the cramped urban cityscape to be able to see a majority of the stars that covered the sky like a curtain. It was one of the reasons he enjoyed coming out here so much. That and watching for otherworldly spaceships.

Though that’s not why he brought Shuichi out here, at least not this time. Kokichi was going to confess. He was tired of waiting and of feeling his heart sink into what seemed like a black hole of hopeless aching. He didn’t care if he got rejected anymore, he just wanted it out.

He took a deep breath and shoved his anxiousness into the corner of his mind. “You know why I brought you out here, right Shuichi?”

Shuichi turned to him, the hands on his chest fidgeting in habit, and an eyebrow quirked in intrigue. “If I was to give a wild guess, I’d assume you took me out here to look for extraterrestrials again?”

Kokichi smiled, he had figured that one out months ago, back when freezing snow still coated the ground in layers.

He was about to speak when Shuichi interrupted him. “Do you really believe in all that stuff? The aliens, the shapeshifting wolves, all the things you brought me with you to find?”

He turned to the other boy, eyes wide in shock, he hadn’t planned for a question like that, especially having been already busy with his own agenda.

“I…Want to believe in them.” Kokichi responded, surprising himself with such an honest answer. “It’s more fun that way. There are so many boring things in the world. Stuff like that… Like spaceships and vampires and teeny leprechauns, it all just makes life so much more interesting you know? Just like…”

He paused, clamping his eyes shut tight in preparation for what he was about to say. It was now or never.

“Shuichi, you’re really smart you know?” Kokichi began, sitting up from the blanket, “like crazy smart, and so tolerant of everyone, even if they start wearing your patience thin. I could never do that. I think it’s really admirable of you.”

He felt Shuichi shift beside him and nearly combusted on the spot when he spoke. “Are you alright Kokichi? You’re not acting like yourself, do you want water? Or do we need to get back to the dorms?”

He winced, opening his eyes back up but looking to the left to avoid the others’ intense gaze. “That too. You’re so kind. Too kind if you ask me, especially towards people like me who don’t deserve it.”

“Kokichi-, "Shuichi started, but he had to keep going, or else he would never get it out.

"Listen, I know it doesn’t make sense, and I know you’re going to hate me afterward but…” He sucked in a breath, “But I like you Shuichi. Like, I really like you. And I know you don’t like me that way, or else I would have known by now, but I physically can’t keep it in anymore Shuichi, if I did, I’d probably die on the spot. That’s… That’s why I brought you here…” Kokichi said the last words slowly, absorbing in sections what he’d just said.

Now Shuichi would scream at him and tell him he’s worthless and foolish for somehow falling for him, and Kokichi would be able to go on with his life and finally get over this. He could deal with the hateful stares and glances in the hallways, as long as the truth was out.

He flinched slightly when he felt a warm hand wrap itself around his arm. “Look at me Kokichi,” he heard Shuichi say in a soft voice that made Kokichis heart yearn. “Please?"

Slowly, he turned back towards Shuichi. His face shone dimly in the moonlight, but still, his golden eyes stared through him fiercely, picking every bit of him apart. He didn’t seem angry, however, but he still couldn’t figure out exactly what Shuichi was feeling.

Then, in a nearly inaudible voice said, "I like you too, Kokichi.”

It took him a moment to figure out just what Shuichi had meant, but when he did, his heart jumped into his throat.

“What?” He managed to choke out between nervous breaths. Shuichi really couldn’t be serious.

“I said-” he paused, seemingly trying to gather his words. “I said that I really like you too. I was just… Scared, I guess.” He quieted again after that.

He was serious.

Kokichi made a small 'O’ with his mouth and looked down at the blanket. Shuichi’s hand was still clasped around his arm. He could definitely guess what he was afraid of. Rejection, heartbreak, falling out of love. The like.

“Well,” Kokichi started. “We can always deal with that later, down the line when we get to it.” He said, looking back up at Shuichi when something caught his eye.

He gasped, “Look Shuichi, a shooting star!” Kokichi said, a childish tone returning to his voice.

“That’s a plane, not a shooting star,” Shuichi stated after looking up, clearly still a bit apprehensive from their conversation.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t wish on it though.” He said in a sing-song voice, he was tired of their serious discussion. Kokichi saw Shuichi glance back up at the plane. It was small compared to the open sky. He smiled.

Kokichi stood then, brushing off Shuichi’s hand and stretching his arms and legs when he caught the look Shuichi gave him.

“What are you doing?”

“I think, dear Shuichi, that we deserve a treat. Ice cream sounds good right now. And maybe some fries.” Kokichi responded. Truthfully told, he had forgotten to eat all day due to his restlessness.

Shuichi smiled up at him, and Kokichi saw him take a breath. Yeah, that sounds nice. We should get going before it gets too late and nothing’s open though.“ He stood and cautiously, reached out his hand towards the other boy.

Kokichi took it.

They walked back to Shuichi’s old car in comfortable silence. It was new, and it made Kokichi shiver at the thought of it, but it was welcomed.

Right then Kokichi decided they could deal with their anxieties later. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy Shuichi’s company.

#to 1 #oumasai autumn exchange 2019 #autumn oumasai exchange 2019 #nice!#i bet theyll love it

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