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[our-lostboi]

[our-lostboi]

lonely

its another day. I want to reach out to you but I know I cant. why do people day they are always there for you but when you need them they are gone. I know drunk me made a bunch of stupid calls this weekend. don't tell me you love me and act like you don't. I am always there for you, but its my turn to finally break down completely. I just want that person that when I need to cry to let it out you  are there sitting, hugging, or even crying with me. No one should be feeling how I feel right now. 

[our-lostboi]

UGH... im tired of fucking everything up. this weekend really really mad me hate myself. Ive thought about it and starting tomorrow im no longer drinking. I just hate how i have no one to talk to. I know my friends are there for me I just feel so alone anymore. I feel like the last good convo I had was with an ex and I was blacked out. I just feel like im not making any good life choices anymore.

[our-lostboi]

[our-lostboi]

Well let me just say this.. Im gay. I feel like everyone knows, havent had the "coming out" convo with my family... no. I always told myself that once i found the right guy thats when it would happen cuase i just know they would accept it. I truthfully thought this year was going to be the year I took someone home... hahaha boy was I wrong. I truely thought i found love, I was comfortable in my own skin for once.... then he broke my fucking heart. Then i started to hate that i spent so much time giving this man so much, but then thinking back i always made sure he was happy that i wasnt taking care of myself. sadly to say im still not, ive been drinking more smoking just trying to numb the pain... but yet here i am full of pain smiling still making other people smile. What can i say i guess its true:

the saddest people alwasys try their hardest to make people happy

because tehy know what its like to feel absolutely worthless

and they dont want anybody else to feel like that.

[our-lostboi]

Welcome

Wow its 2020 and I finally made a Tumblr account. Warning now shit is probably going to get a little private and maybe deep. I have decided to post my thoughts and my life here incase other people can relate. So will you join this adventure with me??