You had wanted to say yes. The ring was beautiful, dainty, sparkling, and staring daggers into your soul. It wasn’t that Scott wasn’t the right guy, he was. He was kind hearted, a great listener, funny, charismatic, everything that you thought you wanted. He was the right guy for someone, but that someone wasn’t you.
You were so taken aback by the proposal you realized second if not minutes had gone by without you saying a word. His face began to redden even more than it already was. You had to say something, you couldn’t just run away from this. You had to work up the courage to say no. You had to. He worked up the courage to pick out a ring for you, get down on one knee and ask you, you owed to him to explain why you couldn’t say yes.
“I love you, I really do. I just can’t say yes.” You say with tears building in your eyes.
“Did I say something wrong? Do you not like the ring? I can get you another one?” He said trying to understand.
“It’s not anything you did. It’s not the ring either it’s beautiful. I just can’t say yes to you because I know I’m not the one for you. You have been the most incredible person to me and you don’t deserve this. But you also don’t deserve someone saying yes to say yes. You deserve someone who won’t hesitate or think twice when you ask them to marry you. And I feel horrible because I know in my heart that person isn’t me. I’m sorry.” You said trying to smooth it over as if you could possibly do anything to make it better.
“I’m sorry that you feel like this. God, this sucks so much.” He said with tears in he eyes.
“I know, I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry.”
It had been 5 months since you declined that proposal. There wasn’t a day that went by where you didn’t think about it. You had wanted to. the person to say yes, you really did. You just knew in your heart that it wasn’t right. Scott deserved the world. That was one thing you were 100% sure of. He deserved someone who would always say yes, someone who would always be there for him, someone who he could have his forever with. You wanted that for him more than anything and you knew you couldn’t bring yourself to say yes and it be wrong . You couldn’t imagine the pain and the hurt that he was going through. You wanted to reach out to him but you knew that maybe some space would be the best. There wasn’t anything that you could say or do to possibly comfort him. So you decided that creating some distance between the two of you was best.
Harry had been your best friend for as long as you could remember. Harry has always been your rock, especially the last several months. You had been all over the place emotionally and you were slowly trying to pick the pieces back up. Harry had really been there for you and you were beyond grateful.
“You wanna come over tonight and have a rom com marathon? Snack, drinks, the whole works?” Harry asked you from the other end of the phone.
“Yeah, that sounds nice. I’m in. But only if we can get some pizza.” You replied.
“You’ve got yourself a deal. How does 7 work?” He asked.
“Sounds good. See you then.” you said and hung up.
Harry had a way of somehow making everything better. His presence could make anyone light up. And that was something you cherished, especially at this point in your life.
“I thought you’d never show up.” He said with an attitude as he opened the door.
“I’m like 2 minutes late, calm down.” You said as you pushed past him in the doorway.
“I’m just messing. Glad you’re here.” He said with a smile.
“I ordered the pizza about 15 minutes ago so it should be here in 30 minutes or so. And don’t worry I got your favorite so don’t panic.” He said.
He knew you well and that was something you admired.
“Thank you. So whatcha wanna watch?” You asked as you made yourself comfortable on the couch.
“Hmmm. Well we have a ton of rom coms to choose from so just take your pick.” He said as he got the popcorn out of the microwave.
“Popcorn and Pizza what a luxury we have here.” You said with a smile.
“Only the finest of dining here.” He said as he brought the bowl over to you.
“Okay, so i’m thinking either Love Actually or Pretty Woman. Thoughts?” You asked.
“Tough one. Love Actually is always my go to so you know how I stand on that one.” He said.
“Love Actually it is.” You said as you clicked on the title.
The movie had just started and you felt Harry’s eyes on you.
“What?” You said as you pulled the bowl of popcorn closer to you.
You had known Harry long enough to tell when he was lying. And besides he wasn’t a very good liar anyways.
“No, tell me. What? You said as you pressed pause on the movie.
“I don’t know, I guess i’m just surprised you’re so eager to watch a rom com.” He said.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” You said.
“I dunno, I mean you did turn down a proposal from a guy you had been seeing for 2 years so I just figured you fight me on the rom com and we’d end up with a comedy or something.” He said.
“I don’t understand where this is coming from. I’m the one that said no to the proposal. I’m not the one who got rejected. I was the one who made the choice for our relationship to not result in marriage. So, why do you think I can’t enjoy a movie?” You asked.
You were thrown off by Harry’s line of questioning.
“You can enjoy a movie. That’s not how I meant it. I just worry about you is all. I just wanted to make sure you’re ok.” He said.
“Then why didn’t you just ask? Why’d you have to make it so cryptic?” You asked.
“You’re right. I should’ve just asked. I’m sorry. We can get back to the movie if you want.” He said.
“Okay, yeah.” You said as you resumed the movie.
To be honest your attention wasn’t on the movie. You were so confused by what Harry meant. Sure, the last couple months hadn’t been a breeze but you were pushing through. You knew you had made the right choice regarding your engagement. You couldn’t understand why people couldn’t just forget and move on like you had.
Harry had gotten up and paid for the pizza and grabbed some wine glasses on his way back over to the couch.
“There you are.” He said as he passed you a glass and plate.
You poured the wine into the glass and then you realized that maybe Harry was onto something earlier. Did he have a reason to be worried about you? Was there a reason you couldn’t say yes to a good man? What was holding you back?
“I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier. I know you are and you’re just trying to help.” You said as you took a sip.
“It’s alright. I shouldn’t have said anything.” He said.
“No, you’re right. You did nothing wrong. I know what people have been saying. I know that Scott’s friends never thought i’d say yes to marrying him. I don’t know, i didn’t think I radiated runaway bride or in this case runaway proposal tendencies but I guess I do.” You said.
“Stop it. You’re gonna end up married and all that one day. He just wasn’t right for you.” He replied.
“But what if I can’t. What if I just can’t get there with someone. I try to open up and be vulnerable and every time I do it’s just like I close up. Scott was patient with me and he never pushed feelings out of me or anything, he knew what he was getting into. I’m just starting to think it’s me. Maybe I am just incapable of letting someone love me and giving that love in return.” You said.
“You’re not incapable. You love lots of people. You love so much and we’re all lucky to have someone like you in our lives.” He said trying to comfort you.
“Family love is different than romantic love. The love I have for my friends is different. It’s safer, It’s less scary to me. It’s easier.” You said.
“Well maybe that’s the issue. Maybe you need to view someone as a friend first, and then it would turn into romantic love. Because you’d then have a foundation of friendship with that person and a level of comfort and security.” He said.
Harry was always a deep thinker. His advice was always comforting to you as he always has something profound to say.
“I guess that’s a good point. I don’t think i’ve ever really thought about it like that before.” You said.
“What can I say, I’m quite wise.” He said with a smile.
“I guess there’s really ever been one person I could see myself having romantic love and make me feel secure.” You said.
You thought Harry was gonna choke on his pizza you had stunned him so much.
“Sorry what?” He said taking a sip of wine to wash the pizza down with.
“When you say someone I feel safe, comfortable, and myself with that’s you. Nobody else has ever really made me feel that way. Maybe it’s because we’ve known each other an eternity but I’d like to think it wouldn’t take an eternity for my walls to come down.” You said.
“What are you saying exactly?” He asked.
“I’m saying, I don’t know.” You said t trying to piece your thoughts together.
“You know I care for you, I always have. I just never really thought you’d go for me so I guess I never tried. And anytime i’ve ever thought of it the timing was just all off.” He said.
“What about now? Is the timing right?” You asked.
“I’m not sure. We can find out if you want. If that’s not weird.” He said.
“Sure, it’s not weird. You know me better than I know myself. You see me I am. I’m never hiding anything from you, you see me.” You said.
“Of course I see you. I’d be blind not to.” He said to you.
“Can I kiss you?” Harry asked.
“I mean I guess.” You said playfully.
With the meeting of your lips you felt all of your metaphorical walls coming down. You trusted Harry, you felt safe. Not to say you didn’t feel that way with Scott or other relationships. This one just felt authentic, genuine, and right.
