how are they gonna adequately prepare whatever child they cast for nico di angelo. it has got to be impossible for someone that young to give informed consent about playing the saddest wettest loser in all of human history. like hey kid i know youre sprightly and all of ten, but we need you to be in all five stages of grief at all times. remember, your mother was killed in fascist italy, youre eighty years old, and now youre in love with the guy who killed your sister. say this next line like you know what it's like to be an ear of corn.
My cats have this meow that means "please come with me to fix this" after which they'll lead me to the problem in question, usually a empty (or 'empty') food bowl or a closed door they want open. They look at the 'problem', they look back at me, clear message.
What fascinates me is how this illustrates what they percieve as being in the realm of my 'power.' I control the food, I control the door, sure, but my cats love to sit on the balcony in the sun, and it has happened plenty of times that on a rainy day they come get me, go to the balcony and show me... the rain. "Please fix this" they say. "Please get rid of the wet"
"Silly kitty," I say, "I can't control the rain." I then walk into the shower and turn on the rain.
I hope this is a universal cat owner experience. Every single night he begs me to turn the sun back on so he can watch birds on the balcony. I tell him no, I cannot do that.
But I can turn lights on and off in the house and he's fairly certain I'm just not applying myself properly here.
if i were famous i would be a menace because i would actively endorse and read my own rpf. i'm giving fanfic recs on Instagram live. i'm making a separate ao3 acc for my public persona. i'm commenting "lmfao i've done that before" and "inaccurate i've never had sex". PR teams hate me, the fandom has mixed feelings and i've been cancelled 30 times in the past 8 months for reading rpf.
This is for those who enjoy Solangelo. Enjoy this took me a long time to put together. Nico is having these feelings towards Will but he doesn't know if he's falling ill or not.
The audio is from Ice Age: Continental Drift
EDIT: I forgotten the skull on his shirt! Damn it!
Souma: Mmm, this is delectable! This sweet potato has been cooked to perfection! âȘ
Keito: Yes, I think I'm getting the hang of this. ... Hm? Is that...?
Souma: Hasumi-dono? Is something the matter?
Keito: No, it's just that I saw something... Is that Suou?
Tsukasa: Oh! S- Sorry! I was just walking around and something smelled nice, so I simply had to see...
Kuro: Haha, so the scent lured ya in. I had some potatoes left over from cookin' so we're bakin' 'em... Did ya wanna join us?
Tsukasa: Baked sweet potatoes...! Is it alright if I do?
Souma: Most certainly! ... Wow, this is undeniably the best potato I have ever baked! Here, Suou, you may eat this one.
Tsukasa: Thank you very much! Munch munch... Mmm~ It's so sweet and delicious! âȘ
Souma: I am happy to hear you think so. âȘ
Keito: Oh? It looks as though you've been properly caring for your juniors when outside of AKATSUKI. I'm impressed.
Kuro: Right? I kept thinkin' of you like you were still a baby, but I'm glad to see you're all grown up.
Souma: Mu, is it not slightly rude of you to refer to me as a baby? In spite of how it may appear, I am actually the big brother of my dorm room!
Tsukasa: That's true. Kanzaki-senpai is always reliable and kind. Fufu, perhaps he inherited his kindness from his seniors in AKATSUKI.
Keito: ... You don't have to phrase it like that. It's sort of embarrassing.
Souma: Fumu, but it could be that Suou is correct to an extent. The two of you are extremely kind persons, and that is the reason for which you have my admiration!
Kuro: I- It's still embarrassin' when ya just say it to our face though...?
Keito: You're exaggerating, Kanzaki.
Souma: Not in the slightest. As a matter of fact, right now you just handed the largest of the sweet potatoes to myself and Suou without so much as a second thought. âȘ
Tsukasa: Ah, I hadn't even noticed, my apologies! I just got so carried away in savoring the food...
Kuro: No sweat. Doesn't matter, as long as you guys are eatin' your fill.
Keito: Yes, what Kiryu said. ...Hm? Are you doing alright, Suou? You seem to be concerned about something.
Tsukasa: Ah, um... Please do not tell Sena-senpai about this. If you're going to post about it on social media, please just pretend I was never here.
Kuro: Uh,
Keito: Kiryu, what's wrong?
Kuro: ... I just posted a picture captioned 'Suou at the AKATSUKI sweet potato meetin' on my socials.
Souma: S- Suou has stopped breathing!?
Tsukasa: I- I have to somehow prove that that wasn't me...!
Keito: No, that's just completely impossible.
Souma: L- Let us not dwell! Eat this sweet potato and calm down!
Kuro: Yeah, that's right... What are ya tryin' to accomplish by stuffin' his mouth like that Kanzaki!?
Keito: You lot are seriously noisy. Listen, I'll properly explain everything to Sena, so don't worry too much.
Tsukasa: Uu... Thank you for being so considerate of me...
Souma: See, Hasumi-dono is indeed a kind person! âȘ
Keito: Nngh...
Kuro: Hasumi danna, your face is totally red, ain't it?
Keito: ... SHUT UP, all of you! Just SHUT UP and EAT YOUR FOOD!!
"why does writing take so long" because 60% of it is coming up with a sentence, realizing that sentence doesn't work the way you want it to, and staring at a wall
That last post reminded me why exactly i consider that Izumi has NPD
(response to this post)
I am so unfamiliar with NPD that I had to google what it is (Iâm assuming you mean Narcissistic Personality Disorder), so I wonât hard agree or disagree. I did, however, get possessed by the need to write a long character analysis about Izumi and the relevance some of the traits I see listed for NPD - an inflated sense of self-importance, a huge need for excessive attention & admiration and a lack of empathy. Â
*cracks knuckles* So. Izumi's habit of talking himself up and putting others down. In this essay Iâm gonna argue that even if Izumi does have ambitions about being the object of intense and widespread affection, him talking himself up is just a shield for his low self-esteem and guilt. He doesnât actually expect to receive such affection. He also cares a lot about the people around him but sucks at showing it, and this only got worse after the war. I wonât agree that he has NPD, but IÂ agree that he should go for therapy.
This post will contain spoilers for Checkmate, Starmine and Horror Night Halloween.
If anyone reading this hasnât read Izumiâs stories yet, hereâs a list of stories with a recommended order and links.
I also havenât had the time to reread Izumiâs stories so there may be some inaccuracies and developments that I missed, but well this is already a 2.5k monster that Iâve sunk in several hours into writing.
Izumi and his big talk
âeven if I made mistakes, which I never do, obviously,â
âhey show some gratitude that someone like me is helping you out!â
Izumiâs really whiny. But for all that he goes âyouâre soooooo annoyingâ, he doesnât ever retaliate. He can be a bit of an asshole (see: that one ! Idol Story where he makes Tori run around the tennis court like crazy just to vent his frustration; no link sorry) but he never really goes overboard.
Instead heâll say things like, âhmph, when I reach the top of the modelling/idol world, youâll see!â Heâs setting goals for himself, fake it til you make it and all y'know! Yuu-kunâs an exception but more about that later.
And for all that he says heâs the most beautiful in the world and that he never makes mistakes, his internal self-talk is very different. Izumi is someone who believes in hard work and persistence above all else, and he pushes himself hardest of all. In Chess (the large unit that Knights broke off from during the War), Izumi was the only member out of the whole lot that turned up for practice. Please read Checkmate, pre-war Izumi is adorable, he was so eager to practice. He knew that no one else would be at practice and heâd still be like, every second not spent in practice is a waste of my time!!!! Please go to the hospital/infirmary already so I can stop worrying about you, I should be at practice!!! This guy is really self-driven in his desire to improve, and thatâs not something youâd see from someone who believes that theyâre already the best. Granted, NPD seems to be about believing the person deserves things regardless of whether theyâre perfect or not, but the point is that Izumi doesnât actually believe that he is as good as he always says he already is.Â
This continues to apply in !! . He admits (with some cursory reluctance, because he has an image to keep,) that things arenât going smoothly with his modelling work and he continues to put in the elbow grease to advance his career. And out of all the Knights members, he was the first and most adamant one to voice concern about whether their current trajectory would really allow them to stay competitive in the idol industry.
Pre-war Izumi also never forced himself onto others. He didnât bother getting others to join practice. In fact, he barely interacted with others. There were at least two times where he was told, âIâm so relieved to see you have friends!â And by friends they really mean one (Leo). Izumi only dragged Ritsu and Arashi into Knights because they needed to make up the numbers. And he only became friends with Leo because Leo was the only other guy in Chess who shared his interest in idol activities, and more importantly Leo was the only one persistent enough to keep talking to him. Izumi wasnât the kind of guy who would demand affection from people around him. He would at most aim for people to love him as an idol or model, and thatâs a pretty distanced (safe) sense of love, quite unlike the one he proclaims Makoto has for him.Â
Present-day Izumi still chases after that distanced kind of love through his career as an idol and model. He also became meaner in that he constantly puts others down, and while I think heâs more focused on how it compliments or even fights his own harsh self-talk, it does hurt the people around him to have to constantly talk themself back up after Izumi puts them down. Izumiâs kind of shit that way, but we all knew that already. Iâm still pretty sympathetic towards him though, because 1. I donât actually have to talk to him irl and 2. heâs Like This because heâs traumatised and trying to cope.
Izumi, Yuu-kun, the war and Leo
This is where I crack open Midsummersâ Night Dream / Starmine, especially the chapter Prisonerâs Love 1. Runway is also a good story for examining Izumiâs relationship with Makoto and himself, but I donât have time to analyse that here.
In Starmine Izumi is jetlagged to hell. He has way less energy than usual to put into keeping his fronts up, and we get rare insight into how he actually feels and thinks.Â
Izumi in his thoughts, multiple times: Makoto doesnât love me. I came here to spend time with him as a reward for myself, but the look on his face tells me that this is a real chore for him. Heâs only putting up with me for Trickstar.
âBut if Izumi knows how unpleasant Makoto finds him, why does he still harass Makoto?!??â Hereâs where we need context from the previous year (relevant stories are Checkmate and Horror Night Halloween). A summary; Leo gave too much of himself away to people who did not give back to him, including Izumi. Leo broke. This is why Leo is absent for half of !'s timeline. Izumi was there for the whole process and played a huge role in it.
Izumi blames himself for this; for not just failing to protect Leo from others, but also hurting him. Izumi sees himself as the main cause of Leo breaking. He doesnât even blame Eichi, who spearheaded the war that threw all of it into motion and drove Leo to his breaking point. (Sidenote; this drives me insane. You have so many characters who hate Eichi for the war; Natsume, Shu, Nazuna, and then you have Sena âI never make mistakes, itâs always someone elseâs faultâ Izumi blaming himself. He and Eichi had a talk in Checkmate about why Leo broke and he squarely blamed himself and told Eichi to look after himself and get indoors so he doesnât get a cold. Hello???? Izumi?!?? You could say that Izumi blaming himself is just him being self-important. But Leo did pin all his hopes on Izumi, Izumi didn't protest, and they fell apart.) (And another sidenote here; after Leo returns, Izumi deliberately puts distance between them because he is afraid of hurting Leo again. Iâm going to lose my marbles.)
What Izumi says in this chapter of Starmine is that he âdoesnât have the right to force [Makoto] to stand by himâ, but he wants to do the âthanklessâ task of protecting Makoto anyway. Izumi doesnât have grandiose delusions about deserving Makotoâs affection, or even his entitlement to Makoto. He knows he doesnât have the right to force Makoto to do things, and Makoto wouldn't give him gratitude or appreciation for his âprotectionâ. But Izumi wants to protect him anyway because he âfailed to do so when they were child modelsâ. [Read: Izumi failed to protect Leo the previous year and he wonât let another person break like that.]Â
Izumi when Makoto told him that heâs only checking in on him for others: âI know, Yuu-kun. / Makoto Yuuki-kun. Iâve always known.â
No idea why he decided that his strategy was the best way to protect him, but when you're stuck in past trauma you don't think very logically.
Izumi may have been the one to âsurviveâ the war and hold down the fort while Leo was away, but he was broken down and traumatised too. Leo was his first and only real friend (source: Requiem 30), and Izumi not only played a huge role in breaking him, but also watched the whole process. But unlike Leo, he never quite got the time to heal. As Leo astutely pointed out in Horror Night Halloween, Izumi projected onto Makoto as a way to atone for what he did not do for Leo. But because Izumi never got to heal, he tries to âprotectâ Makoto in a messed up way that also screwed Makoto over.
Izumi doesnât lack empathy.Â
Izumi is the certified mom friend for a reason. Heâs been the mom friend since he was a child model and adopted Makoto, and even as a highschooler Leoâs little sister is fond of him.Â
He just keeps nagging people until they take care of themselves. And then he doesnât get any thanks because he does it in such an annoying way, like dude are you trying to sabotage yourself?? Local guy says he wants love and looks after the people around him, but before people get to thank him he makes himself an asshole and no one feels like thanking him anymore.Â
I would argue that yeah heâs subconsciously doing this on purpose. Thereâs the part where he just doesnât know how to be honest about being nice, but thereâs also the part where heâs setting himself up for failure because heâs trying to atone for his second year with Leo.
Some of Izumiâs mom friend moments:
Starfes where he knit a scarf for Makoto. Typical bonkers Izumi behaviour. But guess what, he also knitted gifts for the rest for Knights. âI needed some practice so I could make the perfect gift for Yuu-kunâ, then explain why Kasa-kunâs gift is a toy, Izumi. I donât know about you but Iâm pretty sure thatâs harder to make than a scarf and requires you to have already put in quite a few hours into knitting.
Dance on Ice and how nicely he treats Anzu
Starfes when Valkyrie needed help. Izumi: Hmph, Naru-kunâs Mika-chan and Nazunyanâs problems arenât my problems. Letâs go we need to help them.
Please just read Starfes. It's such a warm story.
Iâm sure people with NPD also have moments where theyâre nice, but I also just wanted a moment to gush about Izumi being domestic and mushy. And point out that he almost deliberately sets these moments up with at least an annoying sentence or two about how he doesnât care or the other person sucks. Which ensures the other person would definitely not be in the mood to praise him unless theyâre already used to him being tsundere. Heâs not calculating these moments to get praise (but Iâm also not sure thatâs what NPD entails anyway, so).
Izumi also knows heâs a pain in the ass. During graduation, he thanks the people around him for putting up with him. He does say it more than in just Requiem, but thatâs the one time he makes sure to be honest and not brush it off by being mean afterwards. Because he didnât know if they would drift apart after graduation and if that was the last time he would be this close to these people, and these people were too important to him for them not to know. But he also couldnât stop being an ass after graduation because heâs a mess and doesnât know how to behave around people and hasn't quite begun to address his trauma, gdi
Izumi cares a lot but doesnât know how to show it. The war made it worse.
It starts off pre-war when heâs just kind of too shy and proud to show it. I might actually go as far as to say he wasnât even tsundere before the war; he wasnât shy about expressing worry for Leo or Ritsuâs well-being, and that was the first time he met Ritsu. But the war was hard on both him and Leo. Both of them got pricklier and pricklier and Izumi never learned how to express care apart from nagging, so it got mixed up with genuine negative emotions and Leo never received positive ones. Thereâs this traumatising flashback scene in Horror Night Halloween where Izumi and Leo fight; Izumi, in all his frustration, says something like, âI liked you and your songs! But youâve changed!â and Leo retorts with âThat so? This is the first time Iâve heard of this! Say it sooner, wouldnât you?!?â I donât doubt that this moment haunts Izumi. (It sure haunts me)
Izumi subsequently became determined to protect those around him. But since he never learnt how to show care properly before this and heâs now traumatised to boot, it manifests in pretty twisted ways.
!! era Izumi
(spoilers for Dark Nightâs Passing & Next Door)
By the end of !, Knightsâ relationship has become a lot closer and more secure. Knights has a really compelling narrative of all of them being afraid to really get close to others, but over time becoming close enough to each other that they call each other family.
Izumi and Makotoâs relationship has also become more equal. Izumi sees Makotoâs strength and gives him space, but also steps up when Makoto needs help. (SS made me cry, please read it after Summer and Autumn Lives.)
So you would think that maybe Izumi has become better at being honest with himself and at accepting love from others, but. But then Dark Nightâs Passing happened.
While Izumi was off in Florence chasing his dreams, Leo got in quite a bit of trouble. Iâm not going to try to capture his voice, but Izumiâs inner voice probably went something like, âOh god I failed to protect Leo-kun again.â Remember when Izumi projected his guilt towards Leo on Makoto? Yeah, trauma triggered again, now Izumi has whisked Leo off to Florence where he can keep an eye on him and theyâre living domestically in the same house. The rest of Knights is ringing alarm bells about how overly dependent they are becoming on each other but oh god IzuLeo is going down that same path, again, I-Â
!! Era IzuLeo is frankly quite disconcerting but analysing that would require a whole ânother post. Theyâve both got more self-awareness now but Iâm still waiting for the bomb to go off.
But I think Izumi relapsing is great writing. Healing isn't a linear process and people often fall back into old patterns and traumas.Â
This was inevitable for Izumi because he never quite forgave himself for what happened during his second year with Leo. Additionally, neither Izumi nor Leo have internalised the idea it was unfair of Leo to put the responsibility over his life in Izumi's hands. No matter how hurt, lost and desperate Leo was, Leo also had a part to play in them falling apart. Leo still struggles not to blame Izumi for every little thing, and Izumi still freaks out when he sees others use Leo.
Both Leo and Izumi fall into old habits, and Izumi still blames himself.
TLDR;Â
Izumi cares a lot about the people around him but doesnât know how to show it. He also has not fully moved on from the war and continues to blame himself for Leo breaking, while ignoring the hurt that he himself suffered. Izumiâs big talk is a front and he doesnât actually expect people to go through with it, and does not genuinely get mad at people for it. His self-important talk functions as a shield to make himself feel better and way to make other people annoyed so that he wonât get any thanks for the help he gives, just like he probably thinks he deserves. Izumi remains pretty traumatised after the war and I think he should go for therapy.
Going back to the original ask about NPD, I'm quite uncomfortable with making any assertions, not just because I don't understand the bare minimum about NPD, but because of the ideas associated with it. I've never seen NPD talked about in a way that doesn't cast the person with it as a sub-human being that lacks basic human empathy. I do believe that you have a more nuanced view on NPD since youâre familiar enough with the term to use its acronym without clarification, and I'm open to learning more about NPD but it would still make me uncomfortable to agree that Izumi has NPD when I know so little about it.
Regarding NPDâs bad image: I think it's valid of the people that have been hurt to embrace their hurt and not deny the way they've been treated. Sometimes honouring these feelings can take the form of demonising the person who hurt them. Especially since people whoâve been hurt have probably been told that the person is doing things out of love, and mustâve struggled to acknowledge their feelings. Itâs also really trashy to try to invoke sympathy for people whoâve inflicted trauma in a space for people who have been hurt by them. These kinds of spaces are where I usually see discussions on NPD and maybe why Iâve only ever seen NPD in a bad light.
But I donât feel that itâs fair if uninvolved people also take this view of the person. Maybe there really is something fundamentally un-human with the person! Or maybe, like Izumi, theyâre traumatised people who do things that hurt others in their struggle to cope, and havenât realized it because they canât even bring themselves to recognise their own trauma. Maybe thatâs the reality of NPD and Izumi really would have it. I donât know. Although like Izumi with Makoto, it doesnât erase the hurt that theyâve caused or make it any less.Â
In Izumi's case, if he would get diagnosed with NPD I think it would fundamentally be because of his behaviour and how it impedes his ability to relate to others in a healthy manner. That being said, I think it would be better to just send him for therapy for those behaviours rather than labelling him as having NPD. I think he would just buckle down and try to defend his pride - or rather, his self-image, which is already not the best. I think it would close him off to listening and acknowledging how deeply hurt he is.Â
Izumi doesn't lack empathy or think of himself as some bigshot, even if at first glance it seems that way. Izumi has been terribly hurt and never dared to let anyone come close to dress the wounds. His trauma resulted in the off-the-cuff and unhealthy way in which he deals with people. And yet, despite being so hurt, he continues to care about the people around him.Â
I just would like to thank everyone who ever reblogs this so that it somehow ends up back on my dash because I usually need the reminder (especially the drinking water one)
mutual 1: I want to turn that man's prostate into silly putty
mutual 2: here's smth i doodled during science class lol
mutual 3: pls remember that you personally can drink milk and still be a lactose intolerance ally!! anyone who tells you otherwise doesn't know their history :]
mutual 4: fucking a robot girl in the ass call that backend programming
mutual 5: holy shit I need him so fucking bad holy shit holyyy shit oh my god
mutual 6: anyone get kind of horny putting the ignition key in the car....it's so intimate....turning him on....
mutual 7: so lets talk about where scrimblo's arc is realistically going- I know a lot of people are trying to argue that he's being manipulated but this ignores the fact that there is clearly unresolved conflict between him and bleebus about their moralities
mutual 8: happy propeller penis thursday
mutual 9: "scrimblo and bleebus need to discuss their morality" god forbid a pathetic boywife does some torture đđ
mutual 10: WHO IS HYPED FOR THE NEW ALBUM LETS FUCKING GO
mutual 11: guys we're not getting a new album
mutual 12: please stop sending me death threats
mutual 13: why is my whole dash talking about this band I don't even listen to.....
mutual 14: hey boy nice knife wound can i put my tongue in it
mutual 15: i'm going to fall into lake michigan
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