Letting My Brain Breathe @ow-writing - Tumblr Blog

Tonight I will willingly release my day,

And accept the passage of time.

My heart can no longer bear

To grasp at the world around me,

Begging for the sun to rise again before the morning

Counting the days, weeks, months,

Meticulously notching each hour passed

Into my skull,

Terrified of the day I will not get back.

In four more decades

I will not recall this fall day when I am 22

They say all good things come with time

And I have no choice but to find out.

#poetry #writing #time anxiety

When did my problems go

From elementary school stomach aches,

To sitting behind a monitor,

Looking down at my body,

And wishing I had the guts

To make myself happy.

#writing #poetry #spilled thoughts #poet #anxiety #anxious burnout #anxious poetry #deskjob #office jobs #fulll time job

What does it say about me

To love the looking

Love the attention

And hate the advances

A glutton for punishment?

Self harm, inviting an unwanted touch

Just to remind myself

I haven’t made it up

The attention I’ve been taught,

Conditioned, to crave

Leaves my skin crawling.

A sensation I’ve associated

With the desire

I was told I would have

Alarm bells rebranded

As the butterflies in my stomach

#writing #poetry #spilled thoughts #poet #spilled poetry #spilled words #writers #comphet #queer #sapphic #glutton for punishment #confused #anxiety #lesbian #am i gay #lgbtq community #poetry is hard

When I said I wanted to write all day I meant articles and stories, not emails.

#i hate emails #emails #office #office jobs #desk job #writing #writer #poet #poetry #spilled thoughts #writing emails #send help

Comparison Comparison Comparison

—————

Comparison is a thief of joy.

To compare yourself to others is poison, they say.

I must have a death wish.

The poison sits pretty in a golden goblet

Sparkling with the anger it is prepared to unleash.

And my hands are drawn to it,

Undeniably searching for something to quench my thirst.

It’s easy to compare

When the American dream has a standard outline.

Everyone knows the expected progression of things.

You work hard and you can achieve it too.

I guess I didn’t work hard enough.

But I know that’s not true.

Why else would I have experienced the burnout that forced me to drop out of college?

Why else would I have taken 3 months to recover enough to get a job?

Why else would I have saved every penny to make my dreams come true?

And yet

It’s so easy to compare

My life to the peers I left behind at college.

The life I thought I would be living.

Spring break abroad.

Independence and freedom.

But I know I picked a different route.

Student loans gave me crippling anxiety.

My goals aligned with career experience, not a degree.

I will own a home before any of my peers.

I will have financial freedom before most of my peers.

I feel I’ve made the decision that is best suited for myself.

And yet,

When I see what they experience that I cannot,

I can’t help but start the narrative back over in my head.

I’m twenty and I dropped out of college.

I work full time and cannot afford to move out of my parents house.

I have no rowdy college trip memories.

I’ve never left the country.

And every time,

I have to continue to remind myself that I still have more than most.

I am forging my own path.

And I will make it worth it.

So I continue to drink the poison,

Until I remember I’ve already made the remedy.

And I will do it again and again

Until my hand no longer reaches for the poison,

and I will stop needing to revive myself.

One day I will let the goblet sit

Untouched

- O. Wells

deadhoneybee

If you see this, you’re actually required to reblog and tag the book/fanfic you’re currently reading, maybe even give a little description, a rating of the read so far.

Ill start, im currently re-reading Wading in Waist High Waters on ao3 by colgatebluemintygel. 10/10 its a wolfstar fic that takes place in a Great British bake-off AU

ow-writing

I’m reading Tipping The Velvet and im halfway through and blown away. This book has ripped my heart out and threw it in the gutter. It takes place in 1800s London with a queer girl and follows her journey. Currently taking a disturbing turn but so anxious to see what happens next. 10/10

#tipping the velvet #reading #writers #current read #book review #sapphic novel #wlw #novel #book talk

gennysuga

LETS GET READYYY TOOOO RRRRRRUMMMMMMBLE

Tag your friends, followers, family, pets.. idk No pressure!! 💋

@manjibunny @nanamikentoseyebags @chronic-claire-universe @softshuji @deskaisers @scaramood @hoeshi4444 @kenuis @k1sakis @ranscutedoll @satocidal @moonartemisia @ask-the-insect-hashira @strawberrystepmom AND EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO

jaaklops

wasn’t tagged but i wanted to do this soooo

no pressure tags @cascade-ocean-waves @mentalisill @the-sarsar @thepotatoheadsaga @strangestland @harp-bo-barp @frog-in-the-bog @feta-cheese-raviolis @ireallyliketalldarksultrymen and anyone else who wants to join!!!!!

her-midas-touch-deactivated2024

@jaaklops oooh this looks fun, ty for the tag :)

@loving-the-marauders, @pvrfvctplacvs , @ronance4life42, @if-you-dont-ask-me-to-stay, @stars-over-ice-cream (no pressure obvi <3) and anyone else who’s interested

loving-the-marauders-deactivate

TYSM for the tag @cascade-ocean-waves <3 this is SO prettyyy :)

no pressure tag!! @atwtmvftvtvsgavralpsss @squeliy @none-of-it-was-accidental @someones-name-inserted-here @svnflowermoon @nikholascrow @brenninthetaylorverse @wolfstarkinnie89 @sleepinginmygrave and anyone who wants to do this because it’s lovely <3

nikholascrow

for any of you who want to cause this is kinda fun :] @coffeedrunk @cazzythefrogking @a-dork-yable @my-beloved-fandoms

also thank you for the tag <3 @loving-the-marauders

my-beloved-fandoms

really super tired right now, so anyone who sees this and wants to try, i'm tagging u

veo-laldez

Ooooh ik i wasnt tagged but…….

Npt: @good-oldfashioned-lover-girl @padfoot-lupin77 @riviuus @jaynaverse @always-reading @aragorns-hotterthanu

(As always lmk if you don’t want to be tagged in the future x)

always-reading

@not-rab @mischeifmaneged @deadhoneybee @deetealeaf @starmanlupinn @jinxedstars @angel-devil-star

deadhoneybee

@stareggie @resident-gay-bitch @theparisianowl @ow-writing @clumsyartish @carry-on-my-wayward-hobbit @my-castles-crumbling @rumrumgoose

ow-writing

The only person I follow tagged me so I’m sorry I have nobody to add <\3

#tag game no friends #my Pinterest reflects me from five years ago #funny enough I have fake flowers in my room

ad-wills

ow-writing

Once I factor recovery time from working all day, my creative hours are severely limited and that’s what fuels the dissatisfaction in my life

jellymellydraws

#brain is either overflowing or empty

The biggest thing I’ve learned to help me enjoy writing is patience.

I will go weeks without writing anything, and then write a poem on my way to work or while waiting for food to reheat. And while I will still sit and feel sad about the days not spent writing, it is because I took those moments in the last year and a half to write when it struck me, I have a collection of poetry.

If I hadn’t spent time not writing, I would not have lived enough to write. The time in between is important.

One day I do still hope to have nothing to do but spend my days writing everything that passes through my brain. But if that day does not come for many more decades, I will cherish the moments when inspiration strikes.