Comparison Comparison Comparison
Comparison is a thief of joy.
To compare yourself to others is poison, they say.
I must have a death wish.
The poison sits pretty in a golden goblet
Sparkling with the anger it is prepared to unleash.
And my hands are drawn to it,
Undeniably searching for something to quench my thirst.
When the American dream has a standard outline.
Everyone knows the expected progression of things.
You work hard and you can achieve it too.
I guess I didn’t work hard enough.
But I know that’s not true.
Why else would I have experienced the burnout that forced me to drop out of college?
Why else would I have taken 3 months to recover enough to get a job?
Why else would I have saved every penny to make my dreams come true?
My life to the peers I left behind at college.
The life I thought I would be living.
Independence and freedom.
But I know I picked a different route.
Student loans gave me crippling anxiety.
My goals aligned with career experience, not a degree.
I will own a home before any of my peers.
I will have financial freedom before most of my peers.
I feel I’ve made the decision that is best suited for myself.
When I see what they experience that I cannot,
I can’t help but start the narrative back over in my head.
I’m twenty and I dropped out of college.
I work full time and cannot afford to move out of my parents house.
I have no rowdy college trip memories.
I’ve never left the country.
I have to continue to remind myself that I still have more than most.
I am forging my own path.
And I will make it worth it.
So I continue to drink the poison,
Until I remember I’ve already made the remedy.
And I will do it again and again
Until my hand no longer reaches for the poison,
and I will stop needing to revive myself.
One day I will let the goblet sit