Guy With a Goofy Walk

This is a blog that I think only about 2 people ever read. I pretend more people actually do.

[owenroad-blog]

Whoa, been a while. I've had more kids, more jobs, and don't even live in the same state since that last post.

[owenroad-blog]

Oh man, been a while

Oops, I've been employed a long time since that last post. Oh well. Just had to let you fictional people know that I just read a Facebook ad as "Lower My Balls," and the moment of incredulity before I realized it was "bills" was perhaps too long? Don't worry, I had no intention to click on it.

[owenroad-blog]

1 week to go until employment...

Not 10am yet, and two bourbon drinks in and catching up on Brooklyn 99. Best morning?

[owenroad-blog]

Teaser Dreams

I appear to dream in teaser trailers now.  I woke up to this today:

[An alien landscape; red sun in a purple sky. Strange monoliths dot the horizon.] Voiceover: Millions of years ago... [A creature like a cross between a cockroach and a porcupine movies into frame.] ...alien beings of vast intellect began sending a string of number into the void of space. They never received an answer... [cut to a city apartment window. A total Wes Anderson shot, with the window framing a girl who sits center frame at a kitchen table, staring out the window. A phone rings.]  Voiceover (continued):...until now. [The girl answers.] Girl: Hello? [In tall red letters, all caps, underneath the girl in the window: JENNY.] [Music starts: "867-5309" by Tommy Tutone.]

Great.  So now my own dreams are basically Rick-rolling me.  

[owenroad-blog]

My Wife

She’s real smart. She’s got a great ass. Oh, smart ass.

[owenroad-blog]

What I Did Last Night

Normally a movie theater is the one place where I will be aggressive and bitchy to stranger's faces. As long as they’re being rude; i.e. talking and texting while I’m trying to enjoy a movie. Last night, I was the guy I would bitch out. But it's totally ok, because I was live tweeting the new Left Behind movie starring Nicholas Cage.

[owenroad-blog]

Gremlin?

So in less than 8 hours I get a wisdom tooth yanked. The doc said not to eat anything after midnight so I wouldn’t puke on him. So I ate steadily until midnight in an effort not to get hungry in the morning.

Now I’m afraid of pooping myself when I go under.

[owenroad-blog]

Update: I didn't poop myself!

[owenroad-blog]

Gremlin?

So in less than 8 hours I get a wisdom tooth yanked. The doc said not to eat anything after midnight so I wouldn’t puke on him. So I ate steadily until midnight in an effort not to get hungry in the morning.

Now I’m afraid of pooping myself when I go under.

[owenroad-blog]

Our Daughter Isn’t a Selfish Brat; Your Son Just Hasn’t Read Atlas Shrugged.

I’d like to start by saying that I don’t get into belligerent shouting matches at the playground very often. The Tot Lot, by its very nature, can ...

Boy I've been bad about updating AynRandFacts, despite the fact that my followers have nearly doubled since I last posted anything.  Wow, triple digits; the only other web-tracker-media-thingy I have to get that high is the number of books I've read on Goodreads.

This isn't really a fact, so it won't go there, but I liked it so here, single digit masses!

[owenroad-blog]

No Internet for Lent continues...

...but today does not count.  As a result, that Philip K Dick book I bought and could probably have finished in one sitting by now remains unopened.

[ilovecharts]

The Bourbon Family Tree

via heine-borel

[owenroad-blog]

I had a passing familiarity with most of the info in this article, but didn't realize most rye was distilled at the same place.  Huh.

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Anthony Bourdain Enters the Great Whiskey Heist

I  like the idea of Bourdain as some B-list, food and drink related Bond villain.

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Sorry Pug Eric

At one point, a guy standing behind Pug Eric puffed on one of those smokeless, vapor-based cigarette doo-dads.  Pug Eric sniffed the air and looked around to deduce what it was, and, I just have to say, his little button nose wrinkiing up was frickin' adorable.

[owenroad-blog]

An Incomplete List of the Alternate Reality Versions of My Friend Eric that I Saw at Last Night's Neutral Milk Hotel Show

Eric's Straight Up Doppleganger (the first spotting)

Tall Eric

Short Eric

Short Pudgy Eric

Skinny Eric

Fat Eric

Ginger Eric

Black Eric

Jewish Eric

Hasidic Jewish Eric

Rockabilly Eric

Southeast Asian Eric

Dapper Eric

Truck Stop Eric

Survivalist Eric

Baseball Eric

Pug Eric (Shih Tzu Eric may be a better physical description, but, no, his name is Pug Eric)

Duck Dynasty Eric

Granola Eric

Girl Eric

Anorexic Girl Eric

Old Eric

Beardo Eric (Mostly a normal Eric, except his beard reached his belly button) 

Ahmish Eric

Grunge Eric

Rap-rock Eric

[owenroad-blog]

Last night I capped a 16+ hour workday by barging into a room and yelling “WE’RE CLOSED!” at some kids.

I felt kinda guilty for half a minute. Then I realized it was kinda great. Totally scared the sh*! out of them.

[owenroad-blog]

my wife may never let me live this one down

Last night at a bar of the kind I generally do not frequent (the dancey kind), I was approached by a girl who told me I looked just like Will Wheaton.   I'm not sure how I should take that. Maybe I look taller than I really am?   Also, I suspect that she knew Will Wheaton from The Big Bang Theory rather than as the young Ensign Wesley Crusher.

Not sure how I feel about that either.  

Oh, young people these days...

[owenroad-blog]

I'm really happy that my kid is finally confident enough to go to the bathroom and a few minutes later I don't hear a call for help (of the asswiping kind), but sometimes you randomly enter the bathroom and...

POOP EVERYWHERE!