❛ I don't want you looking back at all the ghosts left behind... ❜
Name: Owen Rockholt
Age: 35
Gender identification: Cis male, he/him
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
Relationship status: Single
Residential area: Harrison West
Occupation: Singer/songwriter, owner of Record Revival
Two positive traits: Solicitous, imaginative
Two negative traits: Escapist, maverick
Length of time in Heartsdale: 23 years
Faceclaim: Chris Evans
tw: drugs, overdose, death
At nine years of age, Owen Rockholt found himself at an unfathomable crossroads in life. He had always been aware that his mother was sad, though the depths of it evaded his young perceptions. Despite being inseparable, spending so much time together, Owen would have never been prepared to walk into what he saw coming home from school that day. Upon entering the house, he called out for his mother but the place was eerily quiet, too quiet, and that’s when he found her slumped on the floor at the foot of her bed in his parent’s room. There was a rubber tourniquet on the floor by her leg, drug paraphernalia on each side of her, and when he reached out to shake her in hopes that she was only passed out, her body was cold. Owen’s childhood was gone in an instant. He cried and screamed, the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, instinctively knowing the worst while reacting mindlessly in efforts to revive her. His mother’s chest refused to rise and fall again like it was supposed to, air would no longer travel in and out of her lungs, and of course there would come no answer from that almighty up in the sky somewhere. A trauma psychologist would later explain to Owen’s father, Matthew, a sex crimes detective, that the boy’s blocking out of his childhood was due to Owen’s find and that he curled up next to her corpse, his mind and her body had shut down—didn’t think to call, Owen just couldn’t leave her side. While he will not speak of it, the only memory Owen has of that time was his dad pulling him away from his mother and he’s still angry about it, no matter how unreasonable.
When your system gets shocked and your heart and mind work to find a way to cope, to move on, life changes completely. For months Owen wouldn’t speak, he would barely eat, and his relationship with Matthew only grew worse after his mother’s untimely death. The blame from the young boy was placed on his father’s shoulders. He and Matthew had never been close, his father’s profession as a detective had always kept their relationship distant and strained. Owen would also learn later on as he got older that his father had plenty of affairs, cheated too many times and his mother knew about it. The betrayal had attributed to the sensitive woman’s sadness and depression. However Owen was before was gone and he could hardly stay home, if his dad was there he found somewhere else to be, whether it was at his uncle Thomas’s or a friend’s place. The boy’s father made more of an effort to be home, to be the single parent and care for his son that sometimes seemed beyond repair and the more Owen saw Matthew, the more his resentment grew. His mother had been lonely and sad because of him, she tried to find fixes and ease the heartbreak she felt at the core of her being because of him. Owen’s mind was made up on that and he never allowed anyone to tell him otherwise—he’d yell or walk away, likely to never talk to or see the person again. Thomas never pushed the subject and Owen was never sure why but he couldn’t ever bring it up to talk about, deciding on his own that he was sad over the loss too. Maybe even blamed his brother Matthew as well.
Somehow Owen managed to make it through school, though he hardly attended and created many problems for Matthew with truancy. It had been troubling for him, losing his mother but also being relocated from Ireland to Georgia. His grades were never spectacular but he wasn’t failing and he was actually scoring very well on tests, despite the fact that the upheaval came in the middle of his school year. Matthew only stated once he couldn’t stay where all the memories were. Owen focused on music, teaching himself to play guitar after he’d received a hand-me-down with a missing string. Writing songs or music wasn’t a goal either, even if he was greatly talented at it. Playing was cathartic and it was always personal even though he’d allow other people to listen. His lack of friends didn’t bother him, he had attention from people and some wanted to be close and tried but Owen was afraid of connection. Loss, losing someone, had become his greatest fear and found life to be easier without. He found ways to fill the void that loneliness leaves with music and whatever too short lived thrill could take his thoughts away. He didn’t bother to attend his high school graduation even though Thomas had told him he would go. Owen was sure his dad was busy and even though he couldn’t stand the man, it was another thing to be mad at him for.
After high school life became a never ending routine of finding whatever he could to pass the time. He’d find people to play music with, stay with, and would work odd jobs. Matthew mostly only knew what his son was up to by way of Thomas, whom Owen shacked up with at various different times and kept in the loop of what he was doing with his life. The young adult had no real ambition for anything and playing guitar or writing poetry were the only activities that eased his pain and kept the memories at bay, they were like wild dogs scratching at the door trying to get out. He remembered everything but would never tell anyone that, Owen felt he would lose her mom, Faye, forever if he did. Even girls that he spent any real time with reminded him of his mother in one way or another, he always found some connection but then it made him completely push away. With Matthew often getting into his face when they’d have their run-ins, often to throw Owen into something constructive or try and get him to attend the university he had been accepted into, he’d yell at the young man to grow up. Always saying that life goes on and it’s time he lets go of the past. She’s never coming back. It’s those visits with dad that send Owen spiraling out of control—he’d trash the place he was staying or go get drunk and then speed down the main drag of downtown running all the lights. Thomas and his guitar always bring him back and pull him out of the depths of the hell he goes into.
It was only a semester later that Owen began attending classes, after a dark night where he swore he heard his mother’s voice telling him he needed to save himself. So many years his life had been marked by grief and his inability to let go, and the change was to focus on himself and settle down. The more he practiced and played on his skill, the more he opened himself up to writing and socializing on campus. He was able to make real friends and find some happiness. The parts of him he kept shut down and buried opened up and blossomed. Owen began performing at open mic nights at back alley bars and pubs, singing and playing guitar to let it all out. And just maybe because music was in his soul. It was a life he’d become content with—working odd jobs, being a street performing, and occasionally playing a gig here and there. Only, life seemed to have other plans for Owen.
One of the good things that has come of his life has been his gift in the ways of playing his guitar. A talent manager found Owen playing on the street one day and she has been booking him for gigs ever since, even helped him land a record deal. To date he’s released an EP or two. Dakota, his manager, can sense that Owen has some deep troubles buried, yet there’s something in him that comes alive when playing music or writing on his guitar. With music and playing with or for people, he’s allowed to do something he loves and something that connects for him spiritually—Owen will always cite it as his savior. With the bit of money he began making from his music and live gigs, the Irish immigrant bought a record store in Heartsdale early on in his career, wanting nothing less than to be surrounded by music.
