so i just remembered this blog exists and thought for my own sake i might as well update it. As much as I don’t like being online that much, I do like the glimpses of the past that accounts like this give me. Yeah, I used to be that person, I cared about those things, I spoke like that, I grew, I loved, I lost etc
I cant believe how far I’ve come and just how much growth I’ve been capable of. I’m finally holding people accountable and allowing myself the compassion I should have always had towards myself. I think about the people I gave boundless energy to and the kind of behaviour I was just expected to accept? Nah dude! NEVER again.
I packed up and left, for 5 months, obviously had to come back bc of Ms Rona but Edinburgh will be there for me once this is over. I have a beautiful job at a castle, amazing friends and some soft people I cant actually believe I got to meet. They will still be there once this is over, and the hardest part of going away was leaving behind the love of my life, but the sudden return has been a blessing in disguise. we’re both on t so the time away from each other literally meant we were changing and I was a little afraid that it would be too difficult when we saw each other again because we might not recognize each other? it was the complete opposite. yeah the changes are there, but god I couldn’t be more in love or attracted to them.
We’ve always been great with communication but the time away really tested both of us, and I cant believe how much stronger we are because of it. I’ve never felt more loved, looked after, nurtured and gosh the TOMFOOLERY! They make me laugh so goddamn hard, we can have a difficult conversation, cuddle and cry and be laughing within the same 5 minutes.
I was really sad about missing our anniversary when I was away but because I’m back now we get to actually spend it together! It does help that were living together, but every day honestly feels like a honeymoon.
It’s amazing how much we’ve both changed and how much growth were still so excited to do. I’ve never felt more certain about anything in my life than I do about them. Once this pandemic is over, if I go back to Edinburgh alone I know we’re gonna be okay. They keep saying they’d come with me, but I also don’t want to be that partner who forces their partner to make a decision that will only benefit them. They’ve always understood, and are so proud of me for doing what feels right for me.
I’m deeply in love, so soft, so happy and healthy and I just can’t believe this is actually my life! For the first time in my life I can actually see the future I’m setting for myself, and I can’t wait to build a future with them.
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