Oxytocin

Chris, UK; fascinated by infinities, images and you. All my own work unless otherwise noted.

[oxytocin-iv]

Escher-skeleton

I am gutted like a collision of cloisters:                          pillars,                          dust,                          ribs; parabolic parables of self, glittering sibilant rubble- and at the altar pumps      a virgin green-blue relic      the sea

[oxytocin-iv]

#1

this is too much- or too little? I cannot fit my words in this.

[oxytocin-iv]

letter to the examiners

I have a history of emotional repression,  + stress of finals =  not dealing with his death but also not moving on - depressive episode?

Not grieving but also not working - only just beginning to process his absence from the world

[oxytocin-iv]

and

and perhaps living a long life, it is about always moving the goalposts. Another day, another minute like this and like this and then like this                           and then               ... and some of the minutes are hard, and some of the minutes are wonders- -you can only ever live in one moment, that’s all you ever have to do.

[oxytocin-iv]

my

guts spilling carried a carrier bag of woes all this way all this way and it’s empty, I carried nothing but there’s blood on my hands

[lsleofskye]

Volcano Huts Þórsmörk

[oxytocin-iv]

enwinding ... memory

Opened up on its horizontal axis The sky bears light, poured out Into the cleft between two hillsides. Across the plain, furrows look mobius, Stretched clouds like torn cloth Are enwinding in parallelogram. Critically, it is here that we will have first seen this, it is here that a memory was seen.

[oxytocin-iv]

gallop-writhe

gallop-writhe with incandescent light click strap the clinking wracked bright blighted bitten tightness- alight, calling- all right, go, light, snickering, on causeway commentaries of galled rites, wicker infights, bitter tin-lights, bits of ice sight slink home in the midnight, creak with eyesight sore (in flight) for a precious parasite for I’ll hold her this cold, glimmerlit night.

[oxytocin-iv]

I ... deserved

I cannot see what you see in me. Let me rot,             do not tell me my decomposition             is a beautiful thing. Each organ             split along its seam, each bone             a yellowing mess. You want me.             I am fine I am fine I am fine I am fine                                            You all deserved better.

[azusaphoto-deactivated20240124]

東京湾アクアライン・アクアブリッジ いっそ降りて写真撮りたいと思った行きの渋滞 いっそ高速道路歩いて海ほたるまで行きたいと思った帰りの渋滞 もちろん車内から撮影（窓は開けましたよ…笑）

[oxytocin-iv]

24-03-17: cast

   , disturb the stages of my mind with your cast, a motley crew of animals and bright young things, dressed alike in purple and blue, wicked glimmers in their eyes, prancing across purported boards   avoiding the cracks, ... lace a cast over my cracks,  enfold my faults in whiteness, fill each flaw with love, with white paste. see how deep the plaster must draw. ... cast a lure, floating on the deep.

[oxytocin-iv]

17 and 22 -03-17

slipping through our bodies tiny sparks             give weight to words we speak / our close-knit bodies heavy pull my              trembling hands to reach- each passing second, gravity spins at your touch, and these spinning things of light, falling like dust motes photons traced by your fingers collapse with a spark. if we were particles lost in the dark you’d be a photon  -  I’d be a quark.

[oxytocin-iv]

17-03-17: trick

Would you build sandcastles for the tide? your walls crumble towers fall down- the water rises, falls. The trick is there is no trick.

[oxytocin-iv]

13-03-17: arched

Distantly, bells chime eleven. The crunch of feet on wet gravel echoes an emptiness, stepping time on the quadrangle where we collected so many hours. The college cat hides from the downpour in an arched doorway, a small warm body. Heather-purple roofs recall Welsh mountainsides, deep slate mines, the cool damp of forgetfulness. It rains everywhere.

[oxytocin-iv]

12-03-17: pull

Pull the tooth of your affection, rip the red pin blow the grenade. Violently unentangle ourselves. Let’s get out of this damned slot.

[oxytocin-iv]

10-03-17: i have nothing in particular to say

we were always better back to back.                      three guns, one goes off, your eyes                  are too fast - you caught me ,                            out . // I will take my grief  and package it in  cellophane,  soundless white pellets  and cardboard boxes. As night draws in I will lock myself out box away the shadows remember the gold of day.

[oxytocin-iv]

wind a wound in words

I will  scab over my sound,          clot the flow          of memories                  //         build a cairn         on the peak         to mark         where we stood.                //           my blood           still flows, yet no longer do I bleed.