Ozzie R. @ozzier89 - Tumblr Blog

Why Not??

All I've ever wanted is to be cool with everyone, and have that one person to have a bond with. Obviously being cool with everyone isn't a very logical goal, because not everyone gets along. I have been blessed with many people who care about me and who I get along with in life, and I'm thankful for that. At some point in trying to be cool with everyone and have my special someone, I lost track of the goal. I made the mistake that is never supposed to be made--putting someone over everyone. If I don't want to talk to someone, which is rare, that needs to be my decision. I see everyone's flaws for the most part, even my own. No one deserves to be shunned for their flaws, considering we all have them. The biggest mistake I made was disrespecting those who tried with me. No one should have that type of power over you and your relationships. I dream to one day have a female in my life who will accept that she won't like all of my friends, just as I won't like all of hers. Ultimatums are unacceptable in these situations tho. If two people care about you, you should never be forced to pick sides. If you are, the person doing the forcing never really cared in the first place, or they'd be more willing to see your side of things. We're always told to give it our all, but if you're always giving, then someone is taking. Find someone to meet you half way, you shouldn't be made to give up anyone for the one.

Because sometimes you gotta roll the dice..

Alright. This is the story of what if a 9 hour car ride happened to double in time. Just a story full of what ifs ya know? Just like the way O.J. Wanted to write his what if book. SO, what if..

What if I left from Charlottesville Virginia at 5:30 pm on a Thursday and headed towards Blacksburg in my 14 year old CRV which happens to have 220k miles on it. Arrival time at Blacksburg? 8.

Then..what IF..we left from Blacksburg heading to Nashville with an estimated eta of 1am-ish. (Count in the hour time change, that would make this a 7ish hour trip. Road trip was 110% smooth until..

Our car broke down. I mean, what if our car broke down. Overheating. 2 hours away from Blacksburg in a town called..oh who in the hell knows. We stopped at a subway and found us a nice trucker. At this point we had two choices, call someone from Blacksburg which was 2 hours away, or roll the dice!!

Man, if this were a true story, I sure do love to gamble. We threw some tape on some random part in the car with the help of our trucker friend and trucked forward! Roll the dice baby, roll the dice..

15 minutes further away from Blacksburg the hypothetical car in the hypothetical story happens to overheat..again. This gambling decision I pushed for? Meh. We are in Chillhowie, Virginia, and I promise it's more country than you could ever ever imagine. We find a nice, weird, couple working at a gas station. The very country lady calls the man "poncho", and refers to one of my friends as a "weenie". We are referred to a truckstop..

This non existent hypothetical truck stop refers us to a garage, it's 11pm, 6 hours into this nice trip. We call this fellow who gives us directions to his freak-show like garage. Absolute middle of nowhere. We get there at 11:15, he says that he's in bed and to leave the car and keys in the junk yard like shop. As you all know, I like to gamble and everything but..

I'm no hypothetical moron. We find us a place to park this broke down car (which happens to be working again, wtf??), and call a friend from Blacksburg to drive 2ish hours to get us.

She arrives at 1, after we sit in a maybe real parking lot for close to two hours. We drive back to Blacksburg, arrive at 2:30. Normal people would call this distaster a night, but we are PNlY 7 hours away! We switch cars, to my 14 year old honda which may be leaking oil, and continue the fight.

20 minutes into this probably real drive on the same road for the third time, we almost die by hand of tractor trailor, cause ya know that's Always fun. At this moment it is 7:33 and we just stopped at a bagel-less McDonalds in a place called Kingston, Tennessee. Our current eta is 8 central time. A 15 hour trip that was supposed to be completely in 9, full of awfulness and near death experiences. I LOVE VACATION ROADTRIPS!!!!

Kindness or Weakness?

Whenever I think about the past, which thankfully happens to be rare, I think about how much of an asshole I was at times. Or even just immature, for no apparent reason at all. I'm sure in two or three years from now I'll be able to look back at this me and think the same thing, but I think it'll be way less because of the people I have around me.

I've managed to surround myself with people who are BRUTALLY honest. I am not perfect, and I am not even close to it. We all make mistakes to piss people off, and while sometimes that can be done intentionally, other times we are oblivious to when we are being difficult or rude. Times like that are when we need friends who aren't scared to be honest and tell us what we're doing wrong, because that can be the difference in someone changing to become a better person. So if you genuinely care about someone, don't be scared to fight it out. Call them out on what they're doing wrong, argue about it, and move on later. People shouldn't be so scared to fight as long as it's productive, because a lot of times, it IS productive.

At some point while I was looking back those few years about how I would do rude/mean things thinking they were funny, I decided I needed to be kinder/better man. I feel like EVERYONE should always be a project, always molding themselves to be better and making adjustments while realizing that even something you love about yourself may need some tweaking. I personally decided that if I were to become as nice as possible, people would enjoy me more as a person. While that looks good on paper, anyone with common sense knows that's not the way the world works. For your friends? Absolutely. These people will appreciate you being kind more than anything, and if they're really one of those friends that you can argue with about anything and still be close to you, then they deserve your complete kindness. I have plenty of these honest friends, and they've made it clear to me that at times I'm too kind to some. I'm sure some disagree and think I'm anything but, though I tend to listen to those closest to me.

So I've personally been told repeatedly and that my kindness comes off as me being a weak bitch to most. Which, I hope, isn't the goal for ANYONE. Therefore I personally must continue to mold myself to get to the place I want to be. I hope the few people that actually take the time to read this do their best to be kind to everyone they come in contact with, but within reason. Kind, not weak, is the solution, and there is a blatant difference. Keep your true friends around and appreciate the hell out of them, because they never deserve anything less. And PLEASE, be honest with em..they'll appreciate you telling them that they're being ridiculous way more than you thinking it and judging them.

"Mistake my kindness for weakness, that'll be your last error.."

The Happy

I was out with some friends the other night, and a female I haven't seen in awhile was there. As most of you probably know, I'm not much on the whole smiling thing. She approached me and asked, "Hey, are you doing alright?". I wasn't sure why she was asking, I was just staring awkwardly into space like always I imagine. I told her sure, and asked she would think I wasn't doing alright. She responded with the fact that things I post online come off as depressing or sad, and she wanted to make sure that wasn't the case. So, with that being said, let's clear up some misconceptions.

I apologize if anyone thought I was in some spiraling depression. It's actually quite the opposite. I go through the typical cycles of life, such as liking a girl and that not working out, because that's life! During these times I tend to over think and try to find ways to better myself. These thoughts usually lead to the stuff you people see, which probably does come off as depressing. Fact is, I'm entirely too blessed to ever be THAT sad.

First off, sports mean way way too much to me. I know this could be me a nerd or a loser, but that's fine, I've accepted my fate. The fact that these teams are actually REALLY good brings me a lot of joy, more joy than it would bring most normal people. Watching them win alone is something that can keep me happy. The most important thing that keeps me so happy though..

Just the people. My family will never let me down, and that's been proven. I have so many family members who love me and have always been here for me no matter what, I can't even explain what they mean to me. On top of that, I have so many more friends who have done things for me that I'm sure I don't deserve. Everyone likes to use the quote that you can't be happy with someone else until you're happy with yourself, and I just think that's wrong. I would never be happy without all of you people here. I'm sure I've never thanked any of you enough, and I could list names here but the 49ers are about to play, so that's not happening. This is me letting you all know that I'm very happy, and it's mostly in part to everyone who has ever been a friend to me. You'll never know how much you personally mean to me, and I'll never understand why I deserve all of these blessings, but I thank God every day for you all. Thank you.

I'm me..who else would I be??

I usually have some type of witty intro to make sure people don't get bored in the first 7 words, but I got nothin. So with that being said..

We all have redeeming and disgusting qualities and characteristics. Obviously we meet people who tend to lean with one more than the other, but sometimes these qualities overlap. I have plenty of flaws that I could sit here and point out, but that'd be super depressing so I'm gonna talk about one of these overlapping qualities.

I was talking to an old friend the other night and this person seems to always think I'm too giving. I've heard this before from people, but it seems like a bit of an oxymoron in my mind. It's hard for people to understand where I come from and how I see things just because I expect to be treated the way I treat others (ha..), and I genuinely love giving to people, even when the outcome isn't the one I desire.

THAT'S where I usually lose people. The idea of helping someone and getting..not only nothing..but hurt? Why would anyone waste their time just to be sad all the time? Don't get me wrong, I'm speaking of myself while generalizing because I have plenty of selfish/rude moments..but in all in all my goal is to give. Everyone wants to know how to change the world in their own way, I don't find it to be that difficult..just stop asking "why would you do that?"..

If everyone was willing to help and give a lending hand without consequence where would we be as a society? If a person wants to use me then I just take the pain and keep it moving, because I know one day I'll look back and be so proud of helping that person in their time of need. No one has an obligation to keep me in their life, but I do feel like God put me here for one singular reason. To help people..as many as I can..regardless of my personal pain. I dream of a society of people being good enough to become absolutely selfless. Would we get hurt? Maybe, but that sure is a lot of giving...

"So again, I fight evil. This what I gotta do to live my life peaceful.. So be it, outspoken and low keyed. My heart big, limousine no Fiat.. and you can hear it loud every time God beat it. Love always shines, every time I see it. Exactly what they hated is exactly what I needed, and exactly where I started is exactly where I leave it. Cause I ain't never ever ever change.. I say that because I ain't never felt better mane.."

--Lupe Fiasco

#Me #Self #Blog

You're Beautiful

Hi, it's me! Well known hater of the friend zone and stuff like that..but recently, I've found something new. A new type of experience that's now gonna have to require me to go from the "what in the hell is this?" zone to something that resembles the friend zone. This probably hurts more than not having a chance at all, but being able to have such an amazing experience full of love and actual emotion is ALWAYS worth that pain.

That's not what this long ass rant is really gonna be about, but if she reads it I just like to remind her that she's always appreciated. As much as you've helped me, I promise you've helped me just as much. Almost everything I'm about to say I learned from this situation and I'm quite thankful to have this new view of how I can atleast attempt to change my little part of the world.

We all hate ourselves to an extent. Some more than others obviously, but regardless, while looking for a mate there are certain things we hide. We don't want someone of the opposite sex to know what we perceive as our biggest flaws, we want them to fall for our best traits. At some point though, that person gets your worst side. Most will agree and judge, most will call your flaws exactly what they are. But someone, some day...someone will love you. Love the best you give them at first, and when you show them those flaws you tried to hide? They will love you more. Every fiber of your being, every thing you perceived as flaw, will be LOVED genuinely.The world is a cold, fucked up place, but one day someone is going to change your life.

Of course, there are two main issues here. 99% of people won't love those flaws, and 99% of the time the person that does is the wrong person. As is my situation, I seem to be the one genuinely 100% loving every single one of those flaws, and I'm very cared about and appreciated, just not WANTED. I could react one of two ways. I can either be disgusted and whine like a bitch, or...

If you really, REALLY love someone, it's not about you. It's about them. When you find that person that you love with everything you have, until it hurts you physically to think about them being someone else? You let them go. You gladly accept that pain in exchange for their happiness. When you love another being that amount, you accept your fate and know that you've done all you can. They are happy, even if it isn't with you.

If you're the one being loved? This is the biggest problem. Just because you like someone else, never take that person for granted. Chances are that person you like won't give NEARLY as much as that person who loves you, all of you. Appreciate those people who can't get enough of you, who love everything you hate about you. They might be the only one of those people who actually exist.

I'm just personally happy with how my situation has gone. It could have easily blown up. Think about your past though..aren't there people you wish were still in your life, even if it has to be as a friend? Sometimes you just need to suck up and accept the pain to keep someone around, it'll be worth it in the long run. The world is a cruel place, you'll be called ugly and broken down. Everyone will. But you? You're beautiful. Someone will see it, one day, about every part of your existence..and that's what I see in you.

"Everybody I know is bizarrely beautifully fucked up, in some weird way.."

#Me #Self #Blog #Love #Beautiful