[ 𝓸UTo𝓯touch ... ]

TAKE FROM ME , LEAVE NOTHING LEFT !!!!!

[bideogaymes]

so… one of Junko Furuta’s murderers was found on twitter today and the fact that he is unironically a Japanese Qanon, MAGA supporter who has the NERVE to complain about receiving online harassment like he wasn’t the culprit of one of the most vile, sadistic and abusive crimes in recorded history??? im so livid rn i wish him and his friends receive the exact same punishment they inflicted onto Junko. that case still haunts me, honestly.

[p-o-p-i-l-l-s]

𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘯𝘰𝘵 ...

[ttattp]

columbine as a school is so wild cause. why are people getting dork bowled. why did a jock have a restraining order against him and have links to a case of a missing person. why are boys in trench coats making out in the cafeteria. why is a girl talking about bringing an axe to school. why did two kids try to blow up the place with two 20lb propane tanks. why did a girl want to kill herself because her LA teacher kept talking about how great being reborn would be

[seerituality]

shit like this makes me wonder if south park isn't all that exaggerated

[thefuckingendlessjourney-blog]

About a month after the van break-in, Dylan scratched something into another student’s locker. Peter Horvath, the dean, doesn’t know why Dylan chose the locker, and doesn’t recall the student’s name, only that the student felt threatened when he saw Dylan scratching with a paper clip. Because Dylan didn’t finish, the design he was scratching was unclear, Horvath says. 

Dylan was detained, and Horvath was with him for about forty minutes while they waited for Tom Klebold to arrive and deal with the incident. “Dylan became very agitated,” according to a summary of Horvath’s interview with police. Horvath tried to calm him down, and Dylan cussed at him, although it wasn’t personal. Dylan was “very upset with the school system and the way CHS handled people, to include the people that picked on him and others,” according to the police interview. Horvath thought Dylan was a “pretty angry kid” who also had anger issues with his dad and was upset with “stuff at home,” the police report continued. 

Yet in an interview with this author Horvath doesn’t recall Dylan being upset with his father, but at “being suspended for what he felt was a pretty minor incident.” Dylan, Horvath adds, “understands the politics of how like a school system works. He was smart around that. And he was angry at the system; not angry at me, but angry at the system; that the system would be established that it would allow for what he did to be a suspendable offense, if that makes any sense to you. He was mad at the world because he was being suspended, but he was mad at the system because the system that was designed was allowing him to be suspended.”

Horvath continued: “Talking to Dylan was like talking to a very intellectual person. He wasn’t a stupid kid. He’s not a thug kid that’s getting suspended. He’s a smart, intelligent kid. I just remember the conversation being at a level; that would you know, you’d sit there and you’d think, ‘Wow, this is a pretty high level conversation for a kid like this.’ You could just tell his feelings around, I’m going to use the politics again but again, he was too intelligent sometimes I felt for his age. You know, he knew too much about certain things and he spoke too eloquently about knowing the law and why he was being suspended and knowing, just you know, speaking about how society is this way towards people.”

Tom Klebold, who Horvath thought of as an “Einstein” eventually arrived. With his glasses, and salt and pepper hair, he was proper, eloquent, and astute. He also had serious problems with this second suspension, and asked Dylan to leave the room–an unusual move in Horvath’s experience. “He [Tom] felt as though it was too severe for what had happened,” Horvath said of the standard, three-day suspension for essentially a vandalism charge. “Can’t we do anything else? Can’t he [Dylan] just do, you know, twenty-five hours of community service, thirty hours of community service?” Tom Klebold asked. Nope. Horvath didn’t budge. 

–from Columbine: A True Crime Story by Jeff Kass

Just some random thoughts on this passage: 

-This is the second person (in addition to Dylan’s co-worker Michelle Hartsough at Blackjack) to mention something about Dylan having anger issues with his father. It would be interesting to have more information on this. Could be just normal teenage angst & conflict with one’s parents…perhaps they just read too much into it? In this particular case, regarding “anger issues” with his father & “stuff at home,” maybe Dylan was just dreading the punishment he would receive at home (i.e. grounding, taking away his computer)?

-I appreciate Mr. Horvath’s respect for Dylan’s intelligence (Dylan is very intelligent of course!). However, I believe he [Horvath] apparently under-estimates young people’s knowledge of the system, school politics, & society. My friends & I (& most halfway decently intelligent people) understood these things. The deal was (& probably still is), that we rarely, if ever, voiced our concerns, especially to the “higher-ups” because…what good would it do? It wasn’t going to change anything. The few adults we did mention it to seemed to understand, but felt there wasn’t much they could do either.

-Of course it would be expected that he would receive some form of punishment for scratching the locker. I think paying for it was probably enough. I don’t quite seen the point in the suspension approach (except from the administration’s point of view for “problem children,” they don’t have to deal with the kid for a few days). A lot of kids who are habitual troublemakers probably don’t care that much how it affects their grades & they don’t have a big problem with a “mini vacation” from school. Then, those who get preferential treatment won’t get suspended, even when they commit an offense (& even if they do, they’ll get to do things like makeup tests & shit). They would have suspended Dylan anyway, but I can understand how he was upset by the way the system works. As I said, I felt the same way during high school (& middle school). In addition to that, he probably got in trouble at home & it may have affected some of his schoolwork (yeah, I know his grades weren’t always the best—he was kind of a slacker I think & his depression played a big role–but I think he cared, at least somewhat). On the bright side, he got away from stupid people at school for a few days :-D

-I wonder what Dylan woulda thought (or did think if he find out) about his dad’s offer of community service in lieu of suspension. According to the diversion file, Dylan thought community service was the most effective part of the program: “He learned a lot from having to give up free time to work for no money.” I don’t know if Dylan would have been better satisfied with that prospect haha. But his dad apparently thought it would be a better deterrent of future misbehavior & more fair. 

[nancy-xx]

Nancy Spungen and Debbie Harry

Nancy Spungen and Debbie Harry photographed at Gramercy Park Hotel in New York by Chris Stein in 1976.

[mysisters-bike]

Where did Dylan’s third-person speech come from?

bear with me, this thought occurred 15 mins ago on my drive to the grocery store lol. i let my spotify dj play on my drive and the song “the becoming” by nine inch nails was thrown into the mix. i wasn’t really paying attention until i heard these lyrics:

“the me that you know, he had some second thoughts

he’s covered with scabs

he is broken and sore

the me that you know

he doesn’t come around much

that part of me

isn’t here anymore”

i had to rewind it and listen again. then, it all made sense. dylan’s idolatry — of course! below is an excerpt from my case study on the topic of dylan’s idolatry for a bit more background information:

“The amount of Nine Inch Nails references [in Dylan’s journals] in staggering. It’s not unusual for teenagers to identify closely with some aspect of pop culture; who were Elvis’s biggest fans when he first came onto the scene? Teenage girls! The Beatles? Teenage girls! One Direction? Teenage girls! BTS? Teenage girls! It’s not new nor will it ever stop; teenagers love a pop icon to relate to.

Xie (2021) points out that adolescents blossoming into teenagedom are thrown into emotional unpheaval and, while attempting to establish their own independence, still require emotional validation and nourishment from others. This concept is often over-exaggerated with the common trope of the over-emotional teenager. Pfeifer and Berkman (2018) describe this idea as a caricature and an oversimplification of the adolescent mind.

How does this explain idolatry? Simply put, adolescents that experience positive acceptance and peer relationships have a negative correlation with unhealthy celebrity worship. They feel connected to their peers and do not seek validation from influences even further outside their circle. On the other hand, teenagers rejected by peers have a positive correlation with unhealthy celebrity worship. In fact, teenagers whose social needs are not adequately met seek emotional attachment and submit to irrational worship or peers or celebrities (Xi, 2021, pg. 2).

Interestingly, Xie mentions the irrational worship of both the peer or the celebrity. Not only does Dylan idolize Nine Inch Nails and encapsulate himself in their music, but he intensely cherishes and requires the validation of his peers. His world falls apart when he feels they are slipping away, to the point of privately threatening suicide.

We often find that teenagers’ emotions are discredited. Societally, we may think of this in the context of teenage girls, portrayed in popular media as catty, over-dramatic, shouting, “Ugh, as if!” When they don’t get their way. However, it’s not only teenage girls that are dismissed for being dramatic – teenage boys are too. More simply, I believe the emotions of teenage boys are overlooked. Dylan’s emotional needs were unmet and, potentially, unachievable. If he had gotten to the point of placing these expectations on celebrities, he wasn’t ever going to feel satisfied without serious intervention.

He put serious pressure on himself and his peers to satisfy a hunger they weren’t capable of satisfying with their limited emotional intelligence and capacity. As the brain continues to develop, teenagers are still emotionally immature and unavailable, even when they intend to make the best possible choices for themselves and their loved ones. Adolescents continue to fall victim to their egocentrism until they eventually develop those crucial skills of moral differentiation and their imaginary audience begins to dissipate.”

this was an analysis i had already conducted quite some time ago. when i heard those lyrics, i was reminded of this observation. reznor writes in the third person, referring to his former self. dylan’s second journal entry reads: “Existence…..what a strange word. He, set out by determination & curiosity, knows no existence, knows nothing relevant to himself. The petty declarations of others & everything on this world, in this world, he knows the answers to. Yet they have no purpose to him. He seeks knowledge of the unthinkable, of the undefineable, of the unknown. He explores the everything…using his mind, the most powerful tool known to him. Not a physical barrier blocking the limits of exploration, time thru thought thru dimensions…the everything is his realm. Yet, the more he thinks, hoping to find answers to his questions, the more come up. Amazingly, the petty things mean much to him at this time, how he wants to be normal, not this transceiver of the everything. Then occurring to him, the answer. How everything is connected yet separate. By experiencing the petty others actions, reactions, emotions, doings, and thoughts, he gets a mental picture of what, in his mind, is a cycle.”

it’s a narrative. IT’S A NARRATIVE!!!! it’s a reference to a NIN-style narrative!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! felt like i gained consciousness.

references:

Pfeifer, J. H. & Berkman, E. T. (2018). The Development of Self and Identity in Adolescence: Neural Evidence and Implications for a Value-Based Choice Perspective on Motivated Behavior. Child Dev Perspect, 12(3), 158-164. doi: 10.1111/cdep.12279

Xie, S. (2021). The Relationship between Peer Influence and Teenagers’ Celebrity Worship Phenomenon. Frontiers in Educational Research, 4 (12), 88-96. doi: 10.25236/FER.2021.041219

[ttattp]

I see so much posts that r like "shooters aren't original anymore" and it makes me wanna write an entire info post on the riot theory like oh I could say sm about media and boredom and the latch of desperation to rid of numbness through violence of self made delusion.

[dirtybitchmf]

[churchyardchild-blog]

“Earth, humanity, HERE. thats mostly what I think about. I hate it. I want to be free…. free… I thought it would have been time by now. the pain multiplies infinitely. never stops”

— Dylan Klebold (via null-isolation)

[2bright]

“The tape is started … April 6th…

It is dark outside & there are raindrops on the window of the car.”

[reverievodka]

🌚

[girl1078431]

[dannyshalcyon-deactivated202407]

Things that will help you humanize Eric & Dylan & just facts about them

Dylan

- Dylan was a cat person, He was afraid of his friend Devon Adam’s pet husky

- Imagine Dylan saying his first words as a kid

- Imagine dyl in a little onesie as a baby ( pls I’m crying )

- Dylan liked to work on puzzles as a child

- He worked at a daycare for a bit

- Another one of his favorite bands besides Kmfdm, was the chemical brothers & he asked a girl to go to a concert with him, not sure if they actually went though.

- Dylan was 6”3 and weighed 143 pounds, which is super underweight for his height & Gender.

- He was born on September 11, 1981

- He liked to customize his own shirts, and he reportedly wore his A0leet Dude shirt a bunch.

- He self harmed on his left hand and thighs, they are evident in his senior picture where his left hand is rested on his knee. ( And Im pretty sure his arms too )

- Dyls glasses cost up to 300 & 400$ bucks

- Dylan had a goatee & a mustache a little before he passed

- Dylan shared a pair of black gloves with the finger tips cut out, Eric wore the other glove.

- Dyls fav drink was Dr pepper

Eric

- Imagine Eric saying his first words as a kid

- Eric liked & played baseball & Soccer

- Imagine Eric in a little onesie as a baby ( now I’m gonna KMS )

- Eric moved a bunch because of his Dad Wayne

- Eric had a dog named sparky

- Eric was born April 9, 1981

- Eric had a mild pectus excavatum on his chest, basically he had a sunken chest and was often made fun of for his appearance by his classmates.

- He hugged the girls he liked

- Eric shared a pair of black gloves with the finger tips cut out, Dylan wore the other glove.

- Eric’s middle name is David

- He tried to join the U.S Army but they didn’t except him because of his use of mood stabilizers

- Eric’s Celebrity crush was Jennifer McCarthy

- The girl who Eric liked ( Susan Dewitt ) Wrote him a letter that is super heartbreaking, definitely recommend to read it.

- Eric worked at Black Jack pizza along with Dylan.

- Eric weighed 140 pounds & was 5”8

- Erics fav snack was slim Jim’s

( Heres the photo of where Dylan’s scars are visible)

[patheticloser69]

Nikita's mom talking about nikita's childhood and artyom

(Credits to exxorrcissm in telegram)

[lanadelray100]

Me taking my anger out on my stuffed animals:

[crystallppear]

he is soooo

[maskedstrangler]

JJ J JJ J JOEEEEEEEY SMAAAAAAACK

[carveredlunds]

"other 13 victims" wait, you buy into that bullshit that they were somehow victims? LMAO You do realize that the assumption of them being bullied to the point where they snapped was disproved as soon as someone looked at their journals and videos right? Or, do you ignore the actual facts in order to romanticize a couple of racist, sexist, homophobic, bullying scumbags? Being that you were probably still in diapers when it happened, I'm guessing you haven't bothered to get educated on the subject

First of all, nice eloquence. Way to really argue your point with sources there. Disproven? I’ll bet you’re sourcing Dave Cullen, or some random media article that you found. Or you just “heard it”, because that’s one of the rumours that goes around. So let me educate you for one second.You said the fact that they were bullied was disproven from their journals and video tapes. Here’s a quote from Eric’s journal: “I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things. And no don’t fucking say, “well thats your fault” because it isnt, you people had my phone #, and I asked and all, but no. no no no dont let the weird looking Eric KID come along, ohh fucking nooo.”In the Basement Tapes, Dylan says that people at school were going to “pay for all the shit”.Here’s a few quotes from other students about how rampant bullying was at Columbine:“People surrounded them in the commons and squirted ketchup packets all over them, laughing at them, calling them faggots,” Brooks Brown says. “That happened while teachers watched. They couldn’t fight back. They wore the ketchup all day and went home covered with it.”`They were ones you would make fun of. Sometimes it’d be me calling them names. It was like fun and games. We would pick on the them, egging them on with jibes of “gay,” or “inbreed”. Eric and Dylan would talk back to us in another language (German) and we’d just laugh. There was a lot of tension between us (jocks) and the members of Trenchcoat Mafia. We almost fought daily at school. It was like, `OK, we’ll meet you here and we’ll meet you there and get it all over with. Sometimes, I think it’s because of me.” – Mike Smith, senior at CHS.“Columbine is a clean, good place except for those rejects. Sure, we teased them. But what do you expect with kids who come to school with weird hairdos and horns on their hats? It’s not just the jocks; the whole school’s disgusted with them. They’re a bunch of homos… If you want to get rid of someone usually you tease ‘em. So the whole school would call them homos…” – Columbine student Evan Todd, Time magazine December 1999Here’s a gif of Eric and his friends walking down the corridor. You literally see the people messing with the camera and pushing them.

‘’They’re walking through the halls and you can see a wall of jocks coming at them. You get the hell out of the way — it’s their hall, their world. And Eric and Dylan didn’t get out of the way, and so you see the jocks flay their elbows right into Eric [Veik] and almost knock the camera out of his hand and you don’t hear them bitchin’. ‘Cause they’re so used to it, they don’t go, ‘What the hell was that?’ They go, ‘Uh huh’ and they just move on, ‘cause it’s so common place. So shooting the kids at Columbine apparently is easier than fitting in at the school. That’s the biggest lesson to learn about Columbine.’’ – Brooks BrownSo don’t you dare say that  Eric and Dylan weren’t bullied. There are so many sources to confirm that they were. I’m not excusing their actions – they killed people, and there’s no forgiving that – but it’s understandable. They weren’t evil. I’m not romanticising them. I am humanising them.

[slutforspungen]

Sid Vicious’s Letters to Deborah Spungen following the death of Nancy Spungen (his girlfriend).

(TW MENTIONS OF SUICIDE)

(FIRST LETTER)

Dear Debbie, thank you for phoning me the other night. It was so comforting to hear your voice. You are the only person who really understands how much Nancy and I love each other. Every day without Nancy gets worse and worse. I just hope that when I die I go the same place as her. Otherwise I will never find peace.

Frank said in the paper that Nancy was born in pain and lived in pain all her life. When I first met her, and for about six months after that, I spent practically the whole time in tears. Her pain was just too much to bear. Because, you see, I felt Nancy’s pain as though it were my own, worse even. But she said that I must be strong for her or otherwise she would have to leave me. So I became strong for her, and she began to stop having asthma attacks and seemed to be going through a lot less pain.

I realized that she had never known love and was desperately searching for someone to love her. It was the only thing she really needed. I gave her the love that she needed so badly and it comforts me to know that I made her very happy during the time we were together, where she had only known unhappiness before.

Oh Debbie, I love her with such passion. Every day is agony without her. I know now that it is possible to die from a broken heart. Because when you love someone as much as we love each other, they become fundamental to your existence. So I will die soon, even if I don’t kill myself. I guess you could say that I’m pining for her. I could live without food or water longer than I’m going to survive with out Nancy.

Thank you so much for understanding us, Debbie. It means so much to me, and I know it meant alot to Nancy. She really loves you, and so do I. How did she know when she was going to die? I always prayed that she was wrong, but deep inside I knew she was right.

Nancy was a very special person, too beautiful for this world. I feel so privileged to have loved her, and been loved by her. Oh Debbie, it was such a beautiful love. I can’t go on without it. When we first met, we knew we were made for each other, and fell in love with each other immediately. We were totally inseparable and were never apart. We had certain telepathic abilities, too. I remember about nine months after we met, I left Nancy for awhile. After a couple of weeks of being apart, I had a strange feeling that Nancy was dying. I went straight to the place she was staying and when I saw her, I knew it was true. I took her home with me and nursed her back to health, but I knew that if I hadn’t bothered she would have died.

Nancy was just a poor baby, desperate for love. It made me so happy to give her love, and believe me, no man ever loved a woman with such burning passion as I love Nancy. I never even looked at others. No one was as beautiful as my Nancy. Enclosed is a poem I wrote for her. It kind of sums up how much I love her.

If possible, I would love to see you before I die. You are the only one who understood.

Love, Sid XXX

P.S. Thank you, Debbie, for understanding that I have to die. Everyone else just thinks I am being weak. All I can say is that they never loved anyone as passionately as I love Nancy. I always felt unworthy to be loved by someone so beautiful as her. Everything we did was beautiful. At the climax of our lovemaking, I just used to break down and cry. It was so beautiful it was almost unbearable. It makes me mad when people say “you must have really loved her.” So they think I don’t still love her? At least when I die, we will be together.I feel like a lost child, so alone.

The nights are the worst. I used to hold Nancy close to me all night so that she wouldn’t have nightmares and I just can’t sleep without my beautiful baby in my arms. So warm and gentle and vulnerable. No one should expect me to live without her. She was a part of me. My heart.

Debbie, please come and see me. You are the only person who knows what I am going through. If you don’t want to, could you please phone me again, and write.

I love you.

NANCY

You were my little baby girl

And I shared all your fears.

Such joy to hold you in my arms

And kiss away your tears.

But now you’re gone there’s only pain

And nothing I can do.

And I don’t want to live this life

If I can’t live for you.

To my beautiful baby girl.

Our love will never die.

(SECOND LETTER)

Dear Debbie, I’m dying. Slowly, and in great pain. My baby is gone, without her I have no will to live. I love her so desperately. I know I can never make it without her. Nancy became my whole life. She was the only thing that mattered to me.

I’m glad I could make her happy. I gave her everything she ever wanted, just for the asking. When we only had enough money for one of us to get straight, I always gave it to Nancy. It was less painful to be sick myself than it was to see her sick.

When you love someone that much you cannot lose them and still be able to go on. I know that if I lived to be a thousand years old I would never find anyone like Nancy. No one can ever take her place. I love Nancy and Nancy only. I will always love her. Even after I am dead.

I have only eaten a few mouthfuls of food since she died. I may die of starvation in this place. I just hope it comes soon, so that I can be with Nancy again.

We always knew that we would go to the same place when we died. We so much wanted to die together in each other’s arms. I cry every time I think about that. I promised my baby that I would kill myself if anything ever happened to her, and she promised me the same. This is my final commitment to the one I love.

I worshipped Nancy. It was far more than just love. To me she was a goddess. She used to make me kiss her feet before we made love. No one ever loved the way we did, and to spend even a day away from her, let alone a whole lifetime, is too painful to even think about. Oh Debbie, I never knew what pain was until this happened. Nancy was my whole life. I lived for her. Now I must die for her.

It gave me such pleasure to give her anything she wanted. She was just like a child. She used to call me “daddy” when she was upset, and I used to call her “mamma” and she used to nurse me at her breast and call me her “baby boy”.

I tried to kill myself but they got me to hospital before I died. Nancy knows that I will soon be with her. Please pray that we will be together. I can never find peace until we are together again.

Oh Debbie, she was the most beautiful person I ever knew. I would have done anything for her.

Nancy once asked if I would pour petrol over myself and set it on fire if she told me to. I said I would, and I meant it. If you would happily die for someone, then how can you live without them. I can’t go on without her. She always said she would die before she was twenty-one, and I never doubted it.

Goodbye, Debbie. I love you.

Sid XXX