I may vomit.

I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death--my name is Severus Snape, Professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, of Defense Against the Dark Arts. Just because I accept inquiries, I trust that you all are well aware of my inept tendencies regarding social conduct. I am solely here to guide my students and converse with fellow Professors, nothing more.

[jennjennnn]

[thewizardingworld]

Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.

[quaffle]

[lovegoodies]

[mysecretlights]

[clementinehoneyx]

[slytherin-snixx]

[p-severus-snape-blog]

chirusse submitted: 

Professor, I was wondering if you could help me, I have a little dilemma with my Sorting. I've always thought I was a Ravenclaw, but upon trying on the Sorting Hat, I was placed into Slytherin. I won't deny I have many "Slytherin" qualities, but I've been having a few problems with acceptance. As my Head of House, what do you suggest? 

Miss Chirusse,

I have answered quite the innumerable amount of inquiries regarding this synonymous situation. 

You were sorted into the house you belong in. Despite however many qualities you may sport that are related to each of the four houses, you, as a whole, were sorted into Slytherin simply because that is where your heart lies.

I suppose it may be difficult to accept, such as one would find... puberty a vexing stage of maturity; acceptance of who you are as a person, not only just as a witch or wizard, ties in with acknowledgment and accession of what house you find yourself most familiar with. Though you may relate to Ravenclaw, you must dig deep within your subconscious and innermost emotion to determine where you truly reside in regard to the four houses of Hogwarts - and that is what the Sorting Hat has done for you. You were chosen to be a part of a family, just as you would find yourself born into one, you are part of Slytherin just as it is a part of you. Be prideful, Slytherin is indeed a great house to find yourself a part of. 

I hope my advice has aided you in a way that you will be able to learn how to accept who you are and where you belong, not only as an individual but as an atom in the elixir that is your very soul. 

My best wishes,

Professor Severus Snape

[p-severus-snape-blog]

Professor Snape, may I say that you are the greatest potions master Hogwarts ever had.

That is quite the... charming disposition. I suppose my gratuity is in order, however, I could not disagree with you on such a... declaration. Let us not disregard Professor Slughorn's hard work, howbeit--as he is quite the sufficient Potions Master now. 

[p-severus-snape-blog]

"Are you all quite finished? How disappointing. I suppose I'll be spending the rest of the evening with my dear old acquaintance..." Severus' dark eyes shifted toward the cabinet where the half empty bottle of Firewhiskey resided. 

"I, however, may find it possible to continue answering your inquisitions..." He leered as he swept from whence he sat at his desk to the cabinet. "Until I am far too inebriated to go on." 

Severus then opened the cabinet and seized the bottle. The dark, amber liquid inside swished against the glass bottle as he trudged on back to reclaim his seat. 

Let the drinking commence.

[p-severus-snape-blog]

Okay, how about hot sexy love?

[p-severus-snape-blog]

But your face is so prettyful

Excuse me? It seems as though the potion has had a terrible side effect on you, causing loss of eyesight. I shall notify Poppy as soon as possible.

Merlin. 

[p-severus-snape-blog]

Professor, will you make sweet sweet love to me?

It seems as though someone has allowed themselves into Professor Slughorn's stores. I'll see to it Madam Pomfrey is aware of this immediately. Until her arrival, I advise returning to your dorm. Now.

[whooshingsound-blog]

[p-severus-snape-blog]

Quite... tempting.

[p-severus-snape-blog]

You do not know how to take a compliment, do you?

I do. However, flattery is quite unceremonious when it is concerning me. I do not receive it nor do I award it.

[p-severus-snape-blog]

Genius, pure genius. That's what you are and that's all I shall say.

I suppose your sentiments are... appreciated. Quite the endearing one, aren't you? Kissing up will get you nowhere with me, however. Be wary, I am not keen to such frivolous behavior.

[p-severus-snape-blog]

Good evening. As I have abandoned the remainder of (impossible if I might add,) homework that is in dire need of... proper marking, I am now (for the unfortunate time being) accepting owls and inquisitive students (as well as others). I am desperately avoiding that half empty bottle of Ogden's that is sitting in the cabinet opposite of my desk. A distraction is quite appropriate for my antidote this night. 

Do get on with it.