Being ex-maga conservative
Okay, so this is my new account. I had originally created my first one about a year and a half ago, and as my first post, I wanted to touch on this topic. As I discuss this, I would like to make it clear that this is just my personal experience (Others might vary greatly), and as I talk about my family, I mean no malice. I still love and have a great family despite our varying political beliefs.
Anyhow...I would say the first time I experienced these ideations was when I was about 10-11ish? Give or take. It first really started with me seeing my dad read the news and watch political commentary like The Daily Wire. And I don't think that people really understand how maluable your brain is at about that age. When you're so young, your child's brain is like a sponge, and it absorbs everything you're taught, read, see, or hear. And when you look at your parents and wanna be just like them, you really do start to pick up on your parents' habits. Around this age, I wanted to relate to my dad, and it evolved from sitting with him on the couch as he would read Yahoo on his laptop to sneaking up behind him as he worked so I could watch his TV with him. Around this same time, I had become increasingly distanced from my school peers, being a nerdy weird, and annoying dweeb, I was the typical target and had started to spiral. The bullying isolated me, and being so sensitive at that age, I began to internalize it and separate myself from kids my age. Due to this, I really did start to focus more on my parents because, well, they were obviously always there. I started resenting being like other kids, seeing how mean and plain stupid they were, I (also being a pick me), tried hard to seem as mature as possible. Soon, my problem evolved from occasionally watching the news with my dad (not really to his knowledge) to going on my laptop and searching up various social figures like Ben Shapiro, Matt Walsh, and Brett Cooper to watch in my free time. It is very scary to think that such a young kid was using their time to make alternative accounts and watch Matt Walsh. While all my friends were consuming mindless youtube lets plays, I had completely stopped watching age appropriate conten and instead only consumed alt-right takes.
I'd say it really started to get bad about 3 months later. Looking back, I just really needed some cartoons, because no child that age should ever be sneaking their phone at night to watch the daily wires most prominent figures talk about "them libs". Soon, once 5th grade ended, I was homeschooled for safety reasons (bullying) and lack of adequate schooling. I was very above my peers and not challenged at all, so my parents began to teach me at home. The conservative values really started sticking at this point. I had NO outside views and only one other friend; all I had was my laptop, best friend, and YouTube conservatives. Years of this led me to develop horrible and incredibly dangerous MAGA views.
I am very grateful that my parents aren't homophobic, and while being maga were always very pro lgbt because I could not even imagine how much worse I would be. Despite this, I became a very hateful young person. Being chronically online, I would insult individuals simply for having a different gender identity than the one that aligned with the one they were assigned at birth. I would often also be hateful to those I deemed too "liberal" or weird. I can vividly remember one time when I began to make fun of a therian online for being trans and calling them horrible things. Looking back, I am more than disgusted with my past self, and something people don't tell you is that no matter how much you change, you still look back and know you can't undo that damage. I can do so much activism and speak out, yet that person I used to be did things I can't take back, and it pains me deeply.
I also was a "conservative alt" which is just...It throws me how my parents told me "you can be MAGA and alt! trust me!". Now, I really am alternative now, but let's be honest, there is no such thing as a conservative alt. I am VERY embarrassed to be sharing that I used to call myself this when I was so young. Another thing I think worth mentioning is once I did start having friends again, while homeschooled for some god-forsaken reason, I would get into political debate with my friends over well...all the wild talking points you would hear out of mat walshes mouth. It makes me so unbelievably frustrated at myself, seeing how many bridges I burned and how many friendhsips i ruined, purely because I couldn't handle the fact that someone else could be liberal. No CHILD should be getting into fights because someonedoesn'tt supporTrumpmp. No CHILD should be MAGA, it's an absurd idea and is not okay.
Finally, I entered the public school system again, and for this I amforever gratefull. You don't really ever get to see how much of an echochamber you live in until you go out and get other points of view. Here, I took a complete 180 and now hold the complete opposite views. Another thing I believe really changed me was when I, a straight person, managed to recieve first hand homophobia. Here, I was purely talking to friends when a boy my age ran up to us and began calling me the F-Slur. This made me look back and reevaluate everything.
I am very happy to announce that I am no longer MAGA, I am no longer conservative, but it still hurts thinking about all the horrible things I did. It's also quite ironic, seeing as I went from someone who hated the idea of left-leaning individuals, furries, trans folk, etc, to being someone thats left leaning with a friend group that's mainly furries, trans, and gay folk. I hope to everyone that everyone who sees this message hears just this one line, it's not too late to change, and it's okay. For me Ive been dealing with this thought for years, and I cant possible cover everything with just one post, and I don't ever think I will. But as I sit here typing, ng I want people to be okay with changing, in fact I want everyone to go back and correct their previos hateful and harmful views. Thank you tumblr.
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