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@p3-life
Doctors.
I've probably said this one already.
Sometimes when a doctor is looking intently into my ear or a dentist is working on my mouth I get this sort of weird feeling of half being able to see into my own ear or mouth or whatever, and it's like what the heck.
(Back from the dentist today. Sore, but OK.)
Sensory integration
Seeing the funny sticker actually got me thinking about how I really don't know why I had those issues at that age.
The timeline basically goes like this:
Age 7: Started writing about being telepathic in my journal, even though I didn't know the word yet
Age 8: Started to feel shame about it.
Ages 8-11: Lived a double reality where it was clearly very much part of my relationship with my best friend but I could also go along with adults telling me it "wasn't real," and I just kind of lived in both worlds.
Age 11: Oh wait it's real. And... now I've broken up with my best friend and have no idea who or what I am.
Age 11-13: Try to find another best friend? Anyone else telepathic? How about I try to teach ALL of my friends telepathy and someone will figure it out? No really, even the boys at camp. Come on, SOMEONE?
Age 14-17: DENY DENY DENY.
Age 17.5: SPLAT.
Age 22: WeLcOmE To ThE IsEkAi!
So then I wonder, was the 18-25 time period just part of my neurological development? The brain is still developing during those years. How much of my learning to better manage stuff was training from my mentor at the time (22-25) - a professor at my school - and how much was just developmental? I don't suppose I will ever know. I know that other people with telepathic experiences don't all go through a stage like this, but I've got a really small sample size to work from.
Someone on Etsy made a sticker of my youth.
Context: Between the ages of roughly 18 and 25, I got migraine headaches triggered by crowds or the energy of certain people. ("Energy" because I have no other word for it.) It was some sort of sensory integration issue I was having, and it improved as I got older. Large crowds can still be a challenge, but individuals haven't given me headaches in decades.
Anyway, I saw this sticker and immediately showed my mom. MOM, LOOK, THEY MADE A STICKER OF MY LIFE!
Milestone, of sorts
For what may be the first time in my life, two days ago, I followed someone's contextual mapping beyond immediate surface thoughts. Passively, of course, but I still clearly did it.
If anyone is reading this and cares, it's what I mention in passing in the note at the bottom of my 2018 essay on "what is a scan?" on AO3.
I mentioned it in a note there because I didn't have any examples (yet) from my real life and there is no example given in canon (there being so few telepath characters, and all of them are vastly stronger), so it was just "this can happen, too, but it doesn't have any special name in canon."
When I wrote that post, I was thinking mostly about information. Since then I've gone back to martial arts and seen lots of ways in which it can also apply to following others' intentions vis-a-vis muscle memory, as in mirroring what the martial arts master wants me to do when he is demonstrating something with me, or when I am copying his moves in the session.
That part has happened quite often (which is one reason why he loves teaching me, even though he doesn't know how I do this). Recently, I've been catching other nuances, too - including pieces he would never expect anyone under black belt to figure out (I'm copying it from his surface thoughts so, same result different path?). And martial arts is one of those things where the master doesn't teach everything he knows - there comes a point where the students have to each find their own knowledge as they go.
Well, two days ago he's demonstrating something with me and I did something a little more than the technique and he was all "!!!!!!!!!! You added the circle! That's not something I teach even to black belts!"
I apparently mirrored one of his secret techniques right out of his conceptual web, which pretty much floored him. No I couldn't do it again on my own, when he asked me to try (without him), because I was getting it from him, in the moment, like a mirror. I said something about there not being an arm in front of me and having to envision one to try to do it right, not, "this only works if I can follow what's in your head!"
(Even if he has no idea how I'm doing such things, or thinks he knows but doesn't, I'm still getting positive reinforcement for doing it, which is a huge improvement over all the negative feedback I've gotten over the years.)
He was pretty darn elated that I had apparently "discovered" this technique on my own, and at such a relatively low level of training. It is, sort of, "discovering" it... though not through a zillion years of training until you accidentally stumble into it or watch a master in a tournament and figure out how to copy him. Kind of... in reverse.
Since this technique was conceptually linked to what he was teaching me - in deeply ingrained muscle memory - but not exactly what he was trying to show me in that moment (which was less), I know I really did follow the memory web/map.
Our sessions feel like he's in a state of "I'm going to retire soon, I want nothing more than to pass on my knowledge from a lifetime of martial arts, it's literally impossible for me to do so because I know so much, but I've reached the point where I care little for formalities anymore and MY MIND'S A MARTIAL ARTS BUFFET, GRAB WHATEVER YOU CAN."
I am damn lucky.
PSY-YA!
YES YES YES!
Event-related potentials
A while ago my doctor recommended a test using event-related potentials to check for a medical issue. I never needed the test because my neurological exam came back normal, but along the way I googled what event-related potentials were and how this neurological phenomenon is used in medicine.
If you're not familiar with it:
"An event-related potential (ERP) is the measured brain response that is the direct result of a specific sensory, cognitive, or motor event. More formally, it is any stereotyped electrophysiological response to a stimulus. The study of the brain in this way provides a noninvasive means of evaluating brain functioning."
As I read about the different documented event-related potentials in the human brain, I also realized that some of them correlate with what I already know as "tugs" in surface thoughts. What the electrodes are picking up - and what I feel as a "tug" in this case - is the mind going !!! at some mismatch.
There are some ERPs that don't match my list of "tugs" and there are some "tugs" that don't match the list of documented ERPs, but the fact that a bunch of them overlap is pretty interesting.
I'll just give one example.
There's something called the "late positive component." This is what the brain does when the mind encounters something you don't recognize.
From the internet: A "late positive component" in event-related potentials (ERP) refers to a positive-going brainwave that occurs relatively late after a stimulus onset, typically peaking around 400-600 milliseconds, and is often associated with cognitive processes like memory retrieval and decision-making, particularly when judging whether a stimulus is familiar or new ("old/new" effect") - often referred to as the "LPC" (late positive complex) in research literature.
Also: Primarily studied in recognition memory tasks, where a larger late positive component is observed when participants identify a stimulus as "old" (previously seen) compared to "new" (unfamiliar) stimuli.
What this means in practice: A wants to know if B knows C. If A mentions C, B will either recognize that name or not. That's a type of a "tug," one which will be a lot stronger if C's name elicits a strong emotional response of some sort. Likewise, an unfamiliar name can also evoke a "tug," as B wonders, "who's that?" By following those "tugs," A can tell whether B knows C just by inference (and maybe more about what B associates with C if A can follow the surface thoughts a bit).
It doesn't have to be hearing the name - it could be seeing a picture of C. It could be anything - we're just measuring the brain distinguishing between "old" and "new" stimuli.
I'm only talking about "passive" surface thought telepathy, here - this isn't anything "active" - but I'm just interested because the "tugs" correlate to things scientists have documented in how brains work. This should be the case, since what minds do and what brains do has to be closely correlated, but it's cool to see it having been studied.
I found a few more examples, too, where the ERPs correspond to what I've already documented about how thoughts feel.
Wow, this blog has been quiet.
I haven't posted here in a long time because I want to post funny stories, and I just haven't found myself in too many contexts lately that lead to actually funny stories.
For what it's worth I'm still doing martial arts, soon to get my brown belt, and learning a lot as I go. I've learned that when it comes to dance/martial arts/choreographed motions, I get really confused following along in groups, but to my surprise, that I'm actually quite good one-on-one, at least when I'm one-on-one in a private lesson with the kung fu master. I have some vague thinky thoughts about how this might tie in with how my mirror neurons work.
(Yes I'm still an underbelt but in addition to the group class, I'm taking lessons one-on-one, which he never does for underbelts, but he made an exception for me because my attitude was so good and I talked him into it.)
Because my teacher is such a master (40+ years), when he wants me to do something, he forms a very clear picture in his mind, which means I often find myself doing it the moment he wants me to, right before he can say whatever it is. This happens often enough that he has remarked on it. I can't really talk about telepathy directly with him for various reasons, but these things do keep happening.
"How do you keep doing that?!" makes for a funny moment, but not a full story.
Even though he can't fully consciously feel what's going on, he has learned that if he clearly visualizes what he wants me to do, I do it correctly - which rewards the behavior - so over the years he's learned to more often think things in ways I can follow. Sometimes this means that I appear to have no idea how to do something in class (the large group), but then if he does the technique with me on-on-one, it comes out amazing.
Usually that's in the private sessions but not always. One time we were doing a technique in front of the class - he wanted to use me to demonstrate something - and right before each move I was to make, he was basically 'casting "now do this" - so I knew where his hands were going to be and what he was going to do. (Obviously NOT like a real right!) Left, right, left, right - and then "now I'm going to go faster" and "now I'm going to lean left, then right, then left, then right" - so there I was always catching his hands exactly where they would be BECAUSE HE WAS LITERALLY TELLING ME WHAT TO DO WITHOUT REALIZING IT and the junior instructor saw this was and like WUUUUUT because there was no way someone of my rank should ever have been able to do to that. And she commented to him after class how good I was getting. (And then he told me about it.)
So that was pretty funny.
Funny story from martial arts class.
So Covid-19 happened, and with it, far fewer face-to-face interactions with people, and hence, little opportunity for funny telepathy stories.
But I have a new one now!
I am studying martial arts, and I’ve been at this school for about six months. We have a teacher’s assistant who is something of a goofball kind of guy - he’ll say anything he can get away with saying, and think anything he can’t get away with saying aloud. He likes to make students laugh with “bodily functions” humor, picking your nose jokes, that sort of thing. It gets your mind off what you’re doing, and actually ends up improving your practice because you’ve stopped thinking about your practice and worrying about messing up.
We actually have a few “characters,” so honestly, one if the reasons I look forward to class is for the sheer unpredictability of what someone will say or think this time. There’s been a lot.
This time, I was in class, and the assistant pointed out how stressed I was and asked why, so I told him my car wouldn’t start and I had to get a ride to class. And he told me to put all that behind me now, and focus on class, but apparently I really was just so stressed out, that for whatever reason, I just couldn’t relax.
“You have to think of yourself as a big balloon, and just let all the air out,” he said, pushing down my shoulders. “Relax like a big balloon.” Then he paused. “I was actually going to say something else.”
And straight up ‘cast an image of a used condom. I mean VISUALS AND ALL, guys. (And I’m ace, so I’ve literally never seen this irl.)
So I gave him a LOOK like WHAT THE HELL and he says, “I made you laugh!”
...And if that’s how he is when I haven’t mentioned being telepathic - that’s just how his mind works anyway - imagine what will happen if I ever do.
Also, to follow up...
It’s been a year and a half and that red spot in my forehead is finally fading out.
I have zero reason to think this is in any way related to telepathy, but it doesn’t make much sense, either. Three doctors (including two dermatologists) had no idea what it is. Someone I met through fitness class wondered why I had this spot at my third eye. LOL And it showed up mysteriously that day I meditated like that.
Some things just make no sense.
On meditation.
I’ve come to the conclusion that “formless” meditation (sit and focus on nothingness) isn’t working for me. I can do it, but it doesn’t reduce my stress or increase my mental clarity. It just doesn’t have any effect on me at all.
So instead I’m doing more active activities - qi gong, kung fu, stretching, and meditation structured around specific visual patterns. I recently discovered Shipibo tapestries and have been entranced by them - the icaros (visual mappings of the songs and energy fields of plants) look to me like drawings of thoughts/association patterns, in abstract form.
Oops
The internet said that to “open your third eye,” you should close your eyes, look towards your nose, and focus out your forehead.
So I tried it, and I tapped my forehead gently.
Now I have a red bruise on my forehead. My mom was like, “what happened to your head?! It looks like you’re bleeding!”
I don’t know what happened.
Yoga video
The internet says that wiggling your eyebrows and flapping your arms increases telepathic abilities.
cLeArLy I hAvE tO TrY tHiS oUt BeCaUsE qUaRaNtInE
And then, in high school...
Someone: “What’s it like to be a later?”
Me:
History lesson.
Telling someone about 150 years of mundanes stripping us of social, political and legal rights. The right to hold office. The right to hold most jobs. The right to free political speech. The right to dress the same as others if we wish to. Mundanes doing this to us, not the Corps. And how often we’re violently attacked, how common that is. How it’s treated as an actual joke when it happens, too.
Mentioning also how the Corps is the largest agency in all of EarthGov, set up by mundanes back in the day to monitor and control every single aspect of the lives of telepaths - our own separate schools, police, prisons, etc. - even though we’re .1% of the population, which is why many mundanes resent the Corps so much (all the money goes to us, not to any other projects around the world that would really use that funding) -
And this guy’s like, “the real reason they resent telepaths is because you’re calling us ‘mundanes’ all the time.”
Yeah, not any of the oppression I mentioned above (or EarthGov wasting trillions on oppressing us) - the real problem is the WORDS we use that reflect our displeasure with this bullshit.
Oh, sure. If only they could take away our ability to express anger at them, too! Then no one would EVER have a reason to hate telepaths again!
Perfect.
Strangers (normals, bless their hearts) have come up to me to tell me my shoes are perfect for the Corps, my hair is perfect for the Corps, my glasses are perfect for the Corps, that I stand like I’m in Psi Corps, that I pass right up close, face to face!... you get the picture.
I told a new friend that normals sometimes harass me. She asked if they’ve told me, “your breasts are perfect for the Corps!”
No... because that would take a Certain Kind Of Person, and they’d have to be in on the joke first. :-) They’re not nearly so savvy.
Humor doesn’t translate well across cultures.
“Has anyone ever told you your breasts are perfect for the Corps?” --> a joke
/looks at my hands/ “Your hands are perfect for Psi Corps!” --> actual sexual harassment
Not quite.
“It’s almost like you’re a Psi Corps agent, trying to convince us all that you’re NOT a Psi Corps agent!”
“...That I’m not?”
And what the hell is a “Psi Corps agent,” anyway?
Button.
My friend thinks I should get a button that says, “I am not a zoo exhibit.”
Move along now.
(Mundanes aren’t that bad. OK, usually.)
