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ni-kidaily

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ni-kidaily

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handlemehyuck

oh god, i want to be loved. i want to be seen and desired and chosen. i can tell you every place—every part of me that blooms love. i scatter seeds in my sleep—i go to work in my dreams. they’re all over my pillow, all over my carpet, and in my hair. they sprout beneath my feet. the blooms fall on my shoulders and sink into my skin. i embody love. i breathe it in, and it exists in every exhale, too. i can’t get away from it, and i’m not sure who i would become if i could. i’m not sure i would recognize myself without it on my face. it’s the curve of my lips and the brown in my eyes. sometimes i feel suffocated by it. sometimes i send it into the sky and pretend not knowing the place it lands doesn’t bother me. sometimes i wish i could place it directly into the right hands, like feeling my touch would convince them i’m worthy of their love because that’s the problem: i don’t think i am.