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Product Placement
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cherry valley forever
KIROKAZE
@theartofmadeline
#extradirty
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
almost home
oozey mess
Mike Driver
Janaina Medeiros
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Today's Document
Three Goblin Art
taylor price
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hello vonnie
seen from Canada
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@pacemnobislucem
It is now an Officially Established Pattern of Behavior that when I try to float telling someone no, and it’s usually pretty subtle, and the person pushes harder after noticing my hesitation, I shut down and refuse to do what they want, no matter the merits.
Corollary: if that person and I talk about it and openly acknowledge that I shut down because they didn’t hear no, and the discussion is opened back up as a free choice on everyone’s part, I’m right as rain just about instantly.
Sorry for being distant.
I feel like I should explain myself, even though I don’t really want to because everything’s been hard lately. I was raped a month ago (if you know me, yeah, it was probably who you’re assuming, and no, he doesn’t know where I am now, I moved like a week after), and that’s been... hard? I’m student teaching now, and I can get through the school day mostly okayish, and the second I’m where kids can’t see me I’m a mess of tears and memories and feelings I don’t want. I feel like I’m drowning in pain, and I’m not sure where I’m at with the whole benevolent-God thing, which feels like a betrayal to a lot of people who love me (a lot of y’all included), and... I don’t know. I don’t know how to not feel like this. I don’t know how to not feel so disconnected from people. I don’t know how to be honest about the fact that there’s been a slow slide re:me and faith for a while that this just... I just don’t know how on earth God can be simultaneously good and sovereign in the face of all the absolute evil in the world. I can’t explain myself around that anymore. I don’t know how to get all of this fucking shit out of my head and act like a normal person. I wrote a term paper on trauma; of all people I should know what I’m doing, right? I can’t fall apart. That’s not an option. I might’ve torched one of the most significant relationships in my life because I couldn’t keep what happened to myself. Because I didn’t lock the stupid door. Because I didn’t see this coming.
Idk, Emily sent me a super sweet message and I feel like I’ve been really weird and I’m sorry and idk what I’m doing
Hey friends, my apartment was broken into today. Please pray for my roommate and I.
Sending emails to important people is the worst.
Miss Shelby: Can anyone tell me what trousers are?
Child: Boy's underwear!
The wisest of comforters, he did not seek to banish sorrow in forgetfulness, but to ennoble and dignify it with hope.
Victor Hugo, Les Misérables
Ya girl has a voice lesson and to sing in studio today... I might actually die. My heart might explode from the stress, leaving me a puddle of human with a gaping hole in my chest. I feel sorry for all the freshmen who will have to look at and circumnavigate my corpse, since it will likely be bloody from the heart exploding portion of my inevitable demise which will occur at some point later today.
@thegospelcoalition if ur song is too difficult for a college music ed major to memorize in 20 minutes, maybe it’s too difficult for children
Saw some cool fungi today.
All picardy thirds are awful and the picardy third at 6:26 is my least favorite of all picardy thirds to ever picardy third.
I FOUND THE OTHER HALF OF MY DEODORANT!! In related news there’s now a pair of shorts covered in deodorant residue, but you know what they say -- it’s better to lose half a deodorant than half an armpit.
Two things:
1) Today, a parent informed me that I’m her daughter’s favorite teacher, and that she was disappointed that I’m only there one day a week because I had to “go back to school.” My heart got really happy.
2) How do we teach self-awareness without self-consciousness? Where’s the line between the two? How do I teach for the former while steering as far away as possible from the later?
@thou-mine-inheritance: “I think 2 goes back to that post you made recently about being able to own not knowing things and just going for it, vs feeling like a fraud about to get found out. Too sleepy for a fully developed thought but I like the question”
I think that’s part of it; if I’m scared of someone else jumping down my throat if I do something, I’m going to be hyper-aware of it, but if they might kindly direct my attention toward it, without judgement, I might just find an appropriate and healthy awareness of it. It’s funny, I was thinking of the same thing when I wrote both of those posts; I guess they would have to be connected if you caught that too.
I’m thinking more about sensorimotor tasks (like those involved in singing, but in ESOL I’ve been thinking about how there has to be a supportive social environment before you begin to think about the academic side of language acquisition), and it seems like once you bring the body into the picture there’s a whole new level of difficulty. People already have a lot of experiences in their bodies, and can bring a lot of self-consciousness into the classroom already (I swear like 80% of posture is psychology and what mood someone is in), so not only do we need to think about how to not promote self-consciousness, but how to work around or against what’s already there.
I think there’s a lot to be said for the way we use language. There’s a difference between “Sit up straight” and “See if you can find posture that’s a bit taller”, and between “your back should feel longer” and “you might feel like your back is longer”. There are ways to talk that invite compassionate curiosity about ourselves, and ways to talk that makes people feel like you’re staring at them waiting for them to make a mistake.
And I think specificity of instruction comes into play as well; if I give a student an instruction, and they do it in a different way than I had meant, but they still put forth an honest effort to do the thing, I should validate what they did, own that my non-specificity is the reason for the confusion, and then give a more specific instruction. Or, if they’re moving in the right direction but aren’t all the way there, just prod them a little further in the right direction without mentioning it. But there are some teachers who don’t realize their student didn’t know what’s expected of them, and will call something out as wrong when there’s no way for the student to have known what they wanted.
I think the line between self-awareness and self-consciousness has to do with shame and fear, or, to put it in the positive, acceptance and bravery. Acceptance both on the part of the student and the teacher; as a teacher, I need to be willing to accept whatever my student has to give, and that there is a tremendous bravery in someone trusting me to teach them (especially with something as personal as a voice). As a student, I need to be brave enough to trust that my teacher won’t use their power over me (and there is a power difference inherent to the student-teacher relationship which is right and healthy and ought not to be misused) to hurt me, accept wherever I’m at and whatever I’m capable of as good, and recognize shame I feel when I haven’t done anything morally wrong as misplaced.
Two things:
1) Today, a parent informed me that I’m her daughter’s favorite teacher, and that she was disappointed that I’m only there one day a week because I had to “go back to school.” My heart got really happy.
2) How do we teach self-awareness without self-consciousness? Where’s the line between the two? How do I teach for the former while steering as far away as possible from the later?
God, give me the patience to love self-absorbed people. Give me the self-awareness to acknowledge that I too have been and am prideful, and that I have my own blind spots. Help me to see how you have loved me as I have been unlovely, and how people have been so patient and kind as I have been rude and arrogant. Help me to remember that there was a time before I know what I do, and that I’ve made some uncaring and unempathetic calls. Help me to do my job with integrity, and to bear in mind that I will be leaving soon and this is temporary. Help me to find moments of joy, places where You have given me grace and skill to love the work I do. Help me to follow in the steps of the people I have seen do this job to Your glory. Help me to love my boss at her most unlovely.
Lessons from a hurricane (profound and less so):
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mikestoleyobike replied to your post: Lessons from a hurricane (profound and less...
Wait how did you lose half of a deodorant
Wouldn’t you like to know... Also I would like to know. I’m not sure how it happened, or where the other half is, but the bottom part is safe back on my bathroom counter. The inside bits and the cap... no earthly idea. Maybe they went to be with Jesus idk.
Lessons from a hurricane (profound and less so):
I was ready for the apocalypse. I was ready to live in a post-electricity hellscape, with a stick of deodorant, a couple of t-shirts and some canned goods as my only possessions. I was emotionally prepared for my home and everything I own to be destroyed, or at the very least for the big windows in my room to get broken and water to ruin everything it could touch. I got there a lot more easily than I would have predicted, which is interesting, but even though I didn’t lose everything, or even lose power, it was work to find peace with whatever God would do. There’s a song we sing in preschool children’s church (here’s a link) that I kept repeating the text of to myself: “Whether it rains, or whether it pours, wherever I go I can trust you Lord. In the light of day, or in the dark of night, I can trust you Lord with all my life, for my hope is where You are.” If He takes everything I have, will I still trust Him? If He calls me through pain, will I still think He is good? Do I think that in the first place? I’ve been wrestling with the problem of evil lately, and am no closer to a resolution, but I think it comes down to this; is God Himself enough for me? Is He really? Because His existence is something I’m willing to assume, but His goodness is where I’m having an issue. If He allows so much suffering and pain and misery in the lives of those He says He loves, and in turn promises them Himself, then having God must be a profoundly good thing to overwhelm the evil. That’s probably not the way to word that, but it’s something the hurricane got me to think about.
Music students have no chill. We are a strange bunch. And the second the weather is clear enough to walk through, people showed up to practice. No. chill.
It is possible to lose half of a deodorant.
Trying to keep up to date on a forecast is an exercise in futility, even if you’ve taken classes in meteorology and earth science.
Sleeping on the floor for years prepared me well for a hurricane.
A hurricane is not the time to develop some kind of stomach flu/food poisoning/intestinal issue.
Also, no one asks any questions if you quickly excuse yourself from conversation every fifteen minutes if you walk into a bathroom. They don’t want to know.
Chick peas pair well with cheez-its.
There are enough dog videos on YouTube to last through an entire hurricane.
The campus police don’t give out parking tickets during a hurricane.
The weather feels like fall right now, and I know I can’t get attached but I am SO READY FOR FALL. And for sweaters. I’m all about it.
The aftermath could have been A LOT worse for my area if things had been different by a few miles. And things are A LOT worse in other places Irma hit. Which is crazy to think about, especially when thinking about the sovereignty of God.
