paenguin.photo

keep looking. never settle.

[darklingpearl]

“I knew no end to desiring you.”

—Roland Barthes, A Lover’s Discourse

[themayonest]

one. the date that wasn’t.

It was supposed to be just one cup. I had agreed to meet for coffee. It was an odd decision coming from an introvert, and even odder that it never crossed my mind to cancel. Just one cup of coffee, I thought. And I had it all planned out. It wouldn’t be anywhere near my city, and I’d have to have another appointment. So after Friday night didn’t work out, I decided I’d finally try this treatment I’ve always wanted to try. I mean, I was on a roll feeling adventurous: I had just come from a weeklong solo trip to Hokkaido, was newly single, was meeting a complete stranger (just this once!). So why not finally get my face zapped, right? Right. But I digress.

August 11. Just before 10:30AM. I see the “old” guy (he wasn’t), smack middle (that’s a very middle middle), in a white/red shirt. I walk up to you and call you by the name you gave. You look up, say something, then seemingly go back to watching a video on your phone (to my confusion). You put away your phone and look back up at me, and tell me your real name.

I held out my hand to shake yours to establish that it was not a date. When you suggested that I had to get to my appointment (a little too early, I thought with a tinge of disappointment), I walked as fast as I could to get the door for myself. I purposefully scheduled an appointment one hour after our agreed meet-up so I would have an excuse to get away. Heck, I even wore the baggiest hoodie I could find! The only thing I probably didn’t plan out was how utterly boring my story was compared to yours. But all of these were for naught when you shared your life story with me (normally that would have weirded me out, but this time it amused me), held the door for me (yes, the door I tried so hard to get for myself), and walked me to the clinic. Like the way your advice struck me in an odd way, so did you. I didn’t know it then, but you struck me right at my heart.

It wasn’t supposed to be a date. But we now both know it’s the first of many. It was supposed to be just one cup of coffee. But I’ve lost count of how many more we’ve had together since then. You see, I was wrong. I thought I had it planned but I didn’t—God did. And truly, His way is perfect.

[paenguin]

It hurts me when you’re sad.

It pains me when you cry.

I wish I can be there to hold you,

To say everything is going to be alright.

I am sad to see the absence of your smile.

I am sad to see a tear drop from your eyes.

For whatever hurt that has caused this,

I wish I can wipe them all goodbye.

The mornings weren’t like this.

The sight of you under the sun wanes all worries for the day.

When dusk comes,

your gaze washes all the tiredness away.

Love finds a way to endure

But only when we want it.

I can only hope it’s the latter

Coz with you, life has been better.

[paenguin]

[paenguin]

Amidst being broken and wounded, it is our responsibility to pick up the fragments and pieces of ourselves.

It is better to be frail and fragile,

but whole,

than perfect yet incomplete.

[paenguin]

[paenguin]

done

i don’t know what to do anymore.

can’t my life be easy like everyone else I know?

i don’t know what do anymore.

it doesn’t make sense. i’m done.

[paenguin]

Always choose the one who wants to spend time with you. The one you won’t have to beg time from. 

[paenguin]

Jealousy brings out the worst in people. It is when we are jealous that we are at our lowest. Not because of other people, but because we doubt ourselves.

[paenguin]

In transit and in between places

[paenguin]

There be times when we wait until the faint light shines bright as the sun.

[paenguin]

"And I shall have some peace there, For peace comes dropping slow, Dropping from the veils of the morning To where the cricket sings; There midnight's all a glimmer, And noon a purple glow, And evening full of the linnet's wings" - W.B. Yeats #Yeats #TheNorthRemembers #Ressurection

[paenguin]

Senses of a solitary life: the mind, the eyes, the mouth and the soul. #TheNorthRemembers #OnTheRoadAgain #Solitude

[paenguin]

For when our fear of the deep is the strongest, and where the light shines its faintest, it is when we muster the courage we have left - even if it's only a pinch - to dive in.

[paenguin]

After the pause, we build again (or start anew).

[paenguin]

"Kumapit ka lang sa akin. Ako ang bahala sa'yo."

[paenguin]

What about lies? What about things that you swore to be true? What about you? What about you?

Last Five Years (2014) Soundtrack