It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life

Paige Dolian | Former Coalition | 25 | for @endurefm penned by rainy

[fcurleaves]

Why wasn't she denying it? Why wasn't she pushing back? Of all the things Lucky expected Paige to respond with, a quiet, wounded acknowledgement wasn't one of them. She didn't like the way it made her feel, the sudden tightness in her chest and the way her stomach dropped; she spun in another agonizingly slow circle, buying time. When the chair faced frontwards again she stopped, fixing Paige with a long, narrowed stare. It wasn't hard to believe, Nick lying, and perhaps it was that realization that softened her. Lucky huffed and rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands.

"Look, I...everyone's trying to survive. And when someone promises you something, it's nice. But you've got to understand that people here aren't gonna trust you, not so soon after. You were allowed to stay, though, so that's something."

Lucky tossed the book into the 'returned' bin behind the desk and kicked off, spinning quickly.

"Stars."

[paigedolian]

Paige listened, still and staring at the ground as lucky gifted her a lecture. it was a short one, and one she deserved, and Paige took it. "I know. good thing, too. I..." i like it here, I don't want to be alone, I'm scared of the coalition out there. "this is my home." she didn't know what she'd have done if she'd been made to leave. she wouldn't have made it alone.

the word hit out of nowhere, and Paige stood for a second, a small smile growing on her face. she was grateful for the suggestion, for the quiet promise that she might still be welcome in the library. it was one of the best places in the university.

"I like stars." thank you.

when she found herself a book, she came back, holding it out to be checked out. it was a good-looking one, with a silver cover and stories of constellations inside. She'd never read it before. "You know I didn't help the coalition, right? when it happened? They timed it to happen while I was out because they thought I wouldn't warn the university, but I did. I still did.

[iscbelshoward-deactivated202406]

she moves into the space paige has left for her, placing the thermoses on the console before them. ❝ good. ❞ there's worse ways to be than 'alright', isobel knows. she settles in the chair, eyes skittering over the radio controls before landing on her friend. it had been a strange but inevitable development, their friendship. isobel could only sit so many days in silence, listening for her son and ex-husband on the radiowaves, before giving in to enjoying paige's company.

❝ i hope so. i don't know what's going to happen ... what we're going to do if we don't. ❞ she takes a sip of her coffee, gut churning. ❝ they will. ❞ isobel sounds surer than she is. ❝ they're together, and they've got each other's backs. where i was before we had our families and that was it. the military seemed more annoyed by our presence than anything. people actually give a shit about each other, here. i think that gives us a chance. ❞

[paigedolian]

"we're a team." Paige agreed, letting her hand rest on the warm mug, before drifting over Isobel's, sharing the warmth. They all needed it. "Out there, and in here. it's what makes the university special." that was something she believed, intrinsically. it kept them safe here, and Paige was lucky to be a part of it. "How've you been? You look tense."

[fcurleaves]

Lucky often wondered what purpose a clerk actually had during the apocalypse. To make sure people didn't loot the shelves? To make sure books were returned? There was little she could do if people kept what she gave them - what was she going to do, chase them down? So what was the point? None of these were new thoughts, but as she spun lazily in the chair behind the front desk she found comfort in the way her muscles ached, tired from her first few bouts of combat training. Of course the purpose of a library post-apocalypse was a nuanced discussion; but now, if she did feel down about the importance of her job, she at least had another in the wings.

She was facing away from the desk when she heard the soft hiss of a book being passed across its surface. When her eyes landed on Paige, she dragged the book into her lap and continued her slow rotation, stone-faced. She had no idea why this mole was allowed to stay - like a post-apocalyptic library, the situation was likely more nuanced - but Lucky's feelings about the infiltration were black and white. She made another slow rotation before responding, allowing an uncomfortable silence to stretch between them.

"Not sure if I should let you grab any. For all I know you'll use them to plan your next back-stabbing."

[paigedolian]

Paige stepped back, feeling the weight of the words repel her away from Lucky. Lucky was a friend, they'd always been happy to see each other. but like so many other friends, Lucky had heard about what she'd done. or worse, she'd heard bits and pieces and assumed the worst in the gaps between them.

"Okay." Paige muttered, looking at the ground as she grabbed her elbow. "I didn't want them to." she said louder, trying to explain herself. "I thought... I didn't know." she didn't know that the university was safe and kind. she didn't know when they were going to attack, she hadn't known so many good people would be hurt. "They lied to me."

[mommabcar]

@paigedolian

As a mom, stress never left Aurora but she became so used to it that it was almost a regular feeling. Underlying stress was normal for her; stress about the world, Hasen. When she had her whole family, it was something else. But now it was just Hasen, who was sitting in the corner of the communications tower. It was late & normally Hasen would be asleep but with the news of the Coalition camp and the missing member, the stress had come back and the momma bear had been too anxious to not keep her own eyes on him. He had been having a hard time sleeping peacefully and was actually bummed out that he couldn't experience all of Omar's birthday party.

"Mom?" Hasen called out, breaking his mother's train of thought. The room wasn't cold but he was wrapped in a blanket because he liked to feel comfortable. A SpiderMan comic laid open next to him, nearing the end pages. "Yes, baby?" Aurora looked away from her readings and at her youngest, eyebrows raised in concern. He looked outside and then back at his mom. Concern was on his face because he could read his mother like a book. He knew something was wrong. "What's going on? How come I can't sleep in my room?" Her lips pressed together and all she could do was look at Paige. Aurora didn't want to make her son worry again. He was only seven when the Coalition attacked and he was still scared of their return. She wouldn't dare put that fear in him again. "I just so missed you so much that I wanted you in here," she started. "And....maybe Paige & I need the company." Hasen blinked and shook his head, grabbing his comic book and laying back down on the couch that had been moved in here. Aurora spent nights in here sometimes; the couch was like a second bed.

Aurora cleared her throat and went back to her notes and readings, trying to find out when the storm was going to stop. She had no doubt the rescue team was struggling with how much it was raining outside. Could they see? Umbrellas were a waste to bring, too many supplies would slow them down. She looked up at Paige for a brief moment, remembering the possible rumor but most likely the fact that the girl had allowed the Coalition to sneak in the day of the attack. "Can I ask you something?"

[paigedolian]

"anything." Paige agreed, turning. her chair creaked against the floor as she did it, shifting with her weight. She kept her voice low, hoping that maybe Hasan could get some sleep. She'd missed him, let him entertain her with updates on his comics as she sat, one ear covered by a dead earpiece. but now, he was supposed to be off to bed, so she sat and let Aurora occupy her empty ear.

"Unless it's where I got my shirt, because to be honest, I do not remember." she smiled, trying to keep a slightly light mood in the face of all of it. she doubted it would stay that way, though. and that was fine too.

[iscbelshoward-deactivated202406]

closed starter for @paigedolian

isobel takes the steps up to the communications tower one at a time, focusing intently on where she places her feet. it's barely midday and she feels exhausted. she's been up since daybreak, moving her surgical equipment from her makeshift clinic at the farm to the hospital, cataloguing and sterilising it all just in case. she's yet to hear anything about the rescue team, but she supposes that in itself is good news. it's been less than a day since they left.

that's not why she finds herself at the tower, though — coffee and company is her current goal. isobel reaches the top landing and nudges the door open with her hip. there's a thermos in each of her hands, warmth radiating outward. she can already spot paige at the operation console, brunette hair peeking over the back of a chair, and she feels her spirits lift. ❝ hey ❞ isobel says softly, ❝ thought you might need a pick-me-up. how are you doing? ❞

[paigedolian]

"Hey." Paige said, looking up. she visibly brightened when she caught sight of Isobel, scooting over at the desk to leave space for her friend to slot in beside her. The coffee was welcome, but paige loved nothing more than seeing her friends happy and safe. Especially considering current events. "I'm alright." not great, not terrible. "I think they're going to get him back. coalition deserves to burn." It was terrible, what they'd done, what they kept doing. "I hope everybody gets home safe."

[paigedolian]

November 3rd, 2022. @fcurleaves

it had been a week or three since the attack, and the whole world felt different. Well, Maybe not the whole world, maybe just the university. but it had been hurt, and now, she was one of the only faces of that hurt left behind. buildings were still in dissaray, and while she'd been reassigned to the communication's tower following ivy's... ivy... there wasn't actually a comms tower that was functional yet, although it would be within the week, apparently.

so she'd been reading in her bunk, avoiding people and avoiding looking at the vacant bunk above her head. Paws sat on her lap almost always, now. it felt horrible, she felt horrible, and nobody was looking at her the same as word spread. but eventually, she finished her book, so she made her way to the library, dropping it off with Lucky, a clerk who had in the last few months become more like a friend. "All done with this one." Paige said, a nervous smile on her features as she passed the book back. "do you think I should grab one about plants or stars next?" her two favorite topics, but she was always willing to let lucky decide between them.

[deadun]

⋆ CLOSED STARTER : for @paigedolian, in the radio tower.

therese had been moving between the greenhouse, farm and kitchens constantly since the group's midnight departure, taking inventory of what she could use to put warm meals in the bellies of those who remained and those who would likely return hungry. despite the raincoat she'd managed to claim years ago from the athletics department, once worn by a university of eastern colorado coach on the sidelines of soggy game days, the chill from the rain reached almost to her bones. " have you heard them on the line today ? " the question is accompanied by a thermos of hot tea, cobbled together by therese herself with mint leaves and lemon rind. it's an offering, a silent apology to paige for what was likely an inconvenient interruption. but therese had to know.

[paigedolian]

The coalition.

it was the goddamn coalition.

Paige hadn't moved from her spot, headset over one ear as she spoke to the scouts far away. what do you see? how many are there? and then, where did they take him? is he okay? Her eyes were worried, even when she looked over at the cook, who had brought her a tea. Paige accepted it, because the cold was eating into the buildings. once she was sure her comm was switched off and wouldn't pick it up, she spoke. "They still haven't found him, but there's chatter. a plan. nobody else has been taken." Paige wasn't sure how optimistic she felt, but instead of dwelling on that, she had to believe. "I fucking hate the coalition."

[mommabcar]

"Good," she mumbled as she tried to check her notes from her previous studies. As long as there wasn't anything Paige needed, Aurora wouldn't feel the need to make sure she was taken care of. Call it the mother in her but she never left anyone behind; despite previous choices. "Isn't it usually?" The older woman never really listened to what was going on with the radio. If anyone were to be heard, it's not like they'd get a response from the group. The gates were closed for a reason. "I'd advise against leaving but can't guarantee I'll be your best company."

[paigedolian]

"yeah" Paige agreed, sounding bored. the truth was, the radio almost never ignited. when it did, Paige carefully jotted down whatever had been played and the exact minute. her records were nothing if not dilligent, but that spoke more to her boredom and the rarity of it than anything else. she missed her old job, every day something new and the fresh air of the woods. still, it was an important one to keep the university safe, so she did try not to complain about doing it. someone had to. "I'm not going anywhere." she promised. "You're all stuck with me, dude. sorry."

[eclipt1cs]

❝       i’m not sure hitting forty - five in a world like ours counts as lucky.      ❞      well,   there goes her intention to keep the atmosphere light and breezy.    to maybe make some new friends.    she turns towards the other,   gifting the other a rueful smile,   fingers toying with the edge of her glass while she speaks.      ❝      sorry,   i swear i’m not trying to be a killjoy    —    maybe we should just avoid this subject.      ❞      easier said than done,   particularly when the main event is someone’s arrival to a surprising age.    zoya takes a delicate sip of her beverage,   wheels turning within her head as she thinks of a way to steer clear of that line of conversation,   but all she can produce is:      ❝      you’re paige,   right?      ❞         

[paigedolian]

"I am." She agreed, glossing over the idea that 30 more years in this world was it's own kind of torture. the truth was, she wasn't wrong. but also, if it was thirty more years in the university, there was actual joy here. love, safety. Paige relished in it, and she'd be lucky to be able to stay. but she didn't feel like arguing the point, so she took the topic change. "What's your name again?"

[mommabcar]

Aurora offered a shrug in response as she continued setting up. Being a meteorologist and having her survival-mind husband, she knew how to mostly prepare herself for the winter when it came. Of course, she didn't have her fancy, luxurious coats and sweaters anymore but she & Hasen would make do with what they had. "He has boots," she answered. The boy was growing and the boots were fitting almost too well. Aurora had already made a request for new shoes and clothes for the boy; it was now a waiting game for the right fit to be found. "Do you?"

[paigedolian]

"I got everything I need." Paige said, which was a lie, but it was fine. this was just small talk, she didn't need to complain to Aurora. Nobody had been able to find her a spare pair last winter, and this winter, she doubted anybody would bother trying if she brought it up. she wasn't exactly on the nice list this christmas. "it's been real quiet today." on the radio, she meant, pointing lazily at it. "Part of me wants to go home, but at least you're here." and abandoning radios, even if she never spoke on them, was a terrible idea.

[ofherbalisms]

   𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑹𝑬 𝑾𝑨𝑺 𝑺𝑶𝑴𝑬𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑵𝑮 to be said for the salve-like nature of wandering the forest, and Reuven thought it was a human right to experience. To be deprived of wooded habitat and soil teeming with life was to be metaphorically locked in concrete cage and, although he was sure the greenhouse had some of the earth's natural charms, the man would be fooling no one to claim anything but its mimicry, which could never match up to the real thing. See, even if he long ago relinquished ideas of gods and soul-makers, Reuven respected the earth more than anything else in his existence. With that respect was the understanding that no man-made cultivation of ecosystem could come close to that which existed without prompting, and with only the maturation of centuries of life beneath it. His little greenhouse with its basil and lemongrass could not sing with the spirituality that the forest could. It could not soothe in the same way.

   And he thought of the grief, so unending and compounding, and how Paige existed in wonder of the world despite it, and he understood that if he served any role in her life it would have to be to foster that. To keep that alive. That twinkle of elation, so accepting of the world for what it was, straight down to her core, when speaking of even the least opportunistic of plants... Reuven, truthfully, he envied Paige. But more than that he respected her, and her desire to know, and her desire to experience. It reminded him a lot of himself at her age. It reminded him a lot of his daughter. So this was not really a hard choice for him. Not at all. They would pick berries and explore the forests and be enraptured by its beauty and he would protect her from the horrors that threatened along the way. "I know a path not too far away. Bit up the mountain and then it winds down to a river. Bet there would be so much byrum down there," he enthused, lips lifting over defined canines. "Maybe some steppe screw. Maybe frogs, too. There's some real interesting species of frogs out here." A harmless lie of omission, he left out the part about that river being attached to a some seventy-foot tall waterfall. He wanted to surprise her; wanted to see that wonder in her features in all its authenticity. "I'll sneak into the kitchen tonight and grab some snacks to take with us. Any requests?"

[paigedolian]

"don't I know it." thinking of frogs, she was thinking of one of those paths she and ivy had taken that followed a delightful little creek full of frogs and dragonflies. it had been a sticky summer's day together, the two of them watching the sun dance across the shallow water and listening to the buzz of insects in their ears.

it was a good memory.

all of this to say, although she'd been on a scouting mission to the falls once, she was thoroughly not expecting that to be what he had in mind, and it would certainly be a surprise for her. not knowing that, though, she blissfully answered the next question. "I don't know. I do like crackers. but we're going berry picking, and that's plenty a snack right there, isn't it?"

[mommabcar]

Aurora glanced at Paige before she sat down, putting a 'good morning' smile on her face. What she would do for some form of caffeine to help put some energy in her. She only needed it to actually carry a conversation with someone she had less interest in. Had the younger not made such malicious decisions that put Hasen and all of the university in danger, Aurora wouldn't need the energy. She could always spare some energy and love for those she cared about. "None," she answered. "But who knows...it's getting colder already."

[paigedolian]

"Hope it stays dry for awhile longer." the air had been flirting with freezing for weeks, and it had her stressed. even the rain was cold, she didn't need snow or slush. Paige wished this was before, when snow only meant more time with her parents and cocoa and a day off from school. but that wasn't the reality of it. hadn't been for a decade. "does Hasen have boots in his size?" there were some kids older than him. at least, more older than younger. hopefully, someone could pass down a good pair. "don't want him getting cold."

[paigedolian]

@mommabcar

Paige looked up from the radio when she heard Aurora sit down at her desk in front of the radar. They spoke regularly, although paige knew she wasn't the most welcome person in aurora's life anymore. still, she waved, because she always would attempt friendliness. she did like her old friend and her son. and the best she could do was to be there. "see any snow?" she hoped not, she wasn't one of the survivors who was lucky enough to own boots. last winter, one of her toes had been lost to frostbite because of it, and she'd gotten quite used to the feel of cold, wet socks.

[paigedolian]

@spcindled

It was a sunny day out. a freezing cold sunny day. Luckily, Paige was viewing it through the window of the insulated building, because it was freezing outside. the university had been built to withstand Colorado temperatures, although designed to do so with the help of electricity. so while it was warmer inside than out, Paige was still in mittens as she leafed through her page on plants, book resting on paw's back as she read through it.

"Hey, Mila, get this." she looked over at the woman who was busy sewing away. she was always so hard at work, and while Paige didn't know much about sewing, she could help keep her entertained at least. "plants know each other. and they can tell when they're siblings. even prefer their siblings. like, share resources with them. Plants can have friends." she was summarizing, a little bit, the article that was written in much drier language. but she'd take it. it was interesting. "do you think they'd also have enemies, then?"

[paigedolian]

@eliixiirs

Hadley was an old friend, and a phenomenal cook, in paige's personal opinion. seeing her at the party had paige wandering over, wrapping a hand on her friend's shoulders. "hey hey hadley." she greeted, happy and loose with the light energy of the night. "did you try the cake? it's so good."

[deadun]

he offers but a dip of his head in response to paige’s thanks, a smile barely tugging at the corners of his mouth. her following statement is an obvious one, but one he can hardly fault her for making. pulling the brim of his cap to the back of his head as to not take her eye out in her proximity, he nods to answer her question. “ yeah, i guess so. i never went to bars before the outbreak, so. ” he had always been too busy, too young, too wary of what lay beyond their front doors that he may love or hate in excess, his mother’s warnings in his ears. “ it’s something new. ”

[paigedolian]

"I was fifteen, so, hey, me either." she'd been far too little, she'd never even tried alcohol before the world split. now it was both everywhere and nowhere, many people of age using it to fend off their own memories. it was nice to try it, to have fun with people, and to enjoy a sixtieth birthday. "New is good. especially happy new." it was rare, and paige loved it when it happened.

[ofherbalisms]

   A GENTLE CHUCKLE rumbled his shoulders at her comment. "Well, when you put it that way," he conceded, devoid of the usual seriousness that plagued his tone. "Thank you, for the cake, and the company." This time his tone softened into something more earnest. Whether he liked to admit it or not, Paige had been good for him. Too often did he isolate recklessly, and not challenge himself to meet the basic human interaction quota he'd need to keep himself from becoming a complete recluse. She had made that easy, by coming to him, and talking about things that he was actually interested in, and pulling both the fatherly and scholarly nature from him. He was grateful for her presence.

  One more bite of cake and Reuven realized he wouldn't win this fight of generosity. In much the same way he would appease his daughter when she'd adamantly make him breakfast for a change (which usually consisted of a bowl of cereal and juice in accordance with her six-year-old skill level), he appeased Paige's desire to do something nice for him here, and let himself finish off the cake. "Yeah, strawberries are all already picked," he confirmed and glanced off towards the gates. "More so meant wild berries... It's been awhile since you've been out of this place, hasn't it? Can't see them making too much of a fuss over a hike." He hoped a change of scenery would lift spirits. "Besides, I can show you all those mosses we were talking about Friday. I'd be willing to bet another slice of cake that we could find silvery byrum in like, ten minutes."

[paigedolian]

it's been awhile since you've been out of this place.

yes, it had. she'd been stuck here, barred from leaving the university. well, not explicitly. but it was clear they didn't trust her out there anymore, and she understood it. She shouldn't be in the same woods as the coalition. not when that was where the coalition wanted her.

but she missed it, and he knew that. she loved tracking, had loved exploring with ivy and coming back with a new type of flower or a new source of water. look, guys! we can eat this! she loved her discoveries. her heart leapt at the opportunity, but she worried. she wasn't supposed to, and she knew it. "It's been awhile since my last good hike." she admitted, entertaining the idea for a second. even though she should say no. "we could totally see some byrum. or some steppe screw."