paige

27. married. plant mom. writing about my anxiety & other thoughts.

[nevver]

Happy Mothers Day, Joshua (@pants)

[anxietyproblem]

[paigifer]

Wow, I need to see my therapist.

I need to figure out why I’m feeling this way for the past few months. Why am I looking to change things? Why am I not completely, over the moon, happy with everything in my life right now? It’s not that I’m anxious/depressed/etc. But instead, it’s more like frustration and emptiness. It’s weird, because I feel so fullfilled in so many parts of my life. Why am I putting myself through something like this? Does this happen to everyone? I need resurance that I’m not wrong and that I can work on how to cope with these feelings in a healthy way...

[paigifer]

Thursday

I feel much better today. In a pretty good mood. Just a little bit anxious today. I want to switch up what I’m eating. I’ve been enjoying oatmeal for breakfast 5 days a week for the last 3 weeks. And I’ve been having either soup or salad those weeks as well. It’s just not satisfying anymore. I ordered a falafel veggie wrap from a greek place down the road because I just need to switch it up.

[paigifer]

My meeting went good

It was nice having the distraction. It was enough to get me out of full blown panic and back to my balenced self. I felt pretty good all day until a few moments ago when I layed down on my stomach and my left boob hurt / I felt a sharp pinch near “my heart”. Now i feel really anxious again and like I’m on the brink on a second panic attack for the day. I just want these to go away. I hate feeling like I’m having a heart attack or that I’m in danger all the time. I am completely safe!! It’s so difficult to talk myself out of these sometimes.

[msexplorer]

[flowerais-deactivated20211031]

things you will experience if you keep doing your best

actually looking forward to things and having enough energy to do everything you want to do 

the fresh feeling after cleaning everything and throwing away things that were piling up since forever, including mentally

realising that you haven’t thought about someone for three days straight when you’ve been sad about them for a long time

making a new friend who genuinely likes talking to you after feeling like you don’t belong anywhere or you’re better off alone

making more time for people that really matter to you and actually love you unconditionally instead of endlessly wondering why some people left you or didn’t reciprocate

not placing your entire sense of worth on someone else because you feel happy and whole by yourself 

an outward change in appearance, almost a kind of glow because you’re radiating warmth and strength from inside

good grades, making huge improvements and achieving whatever goals you have in mind

feeling calmer and not relying on external validation because you see your own worth, trust yourself fully and can accept imperfection, laugh at your own embarrassing moments, encourage yourself when you’re down and quickly forgive your own mistakes 

gaining enough respect for yourself to treat yourself gently and not tolerating anyone who treats you badly

realising that you feel lighter inside and nothing is as much as a chore as it used to be

feeling yourself become less unaffected by small things that used to ruin your day

realising that you can make any changes in your life if you stopped discouraging yourself so much

realising you don’t need many superficial distractions anymore because you actually feel okay

[inspirepositivity]

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.”

— Willie Nelson

[motivatingsuggestions]

Hold on. It may seem impossible now, but the end to your struggles may be closer than it appears. Don't quit before you get to see it.

[elrxssell]

[paigifer]

I’m at work

My anxiety has been pretty high these past few days and I’m having a panic attack right now. I don’t know why my anxiety has been higher than normal, but I have to get it together so I can go to a meeting in 15 minutes. Today was the first day I upped my daily meditation. I know I feel like things are pretty slow at work so my mind has more time to wander and go to bad places. I have to keep talking myself out of these negative thoughts. I keep thinking something is wrong with my heart. I’m going to do some self care and relaxation techniques. Hoping that helps.

[dribbblepopular]

[paigifer]

“We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”

— -Seneca- (via luvbugmama)

[quotespaper]

[yourdailydoseofcaffeine]

[paigifer]

Positivity

My therapist wanted me to practice saying positive things to myself, positive things to someone I dislike, and positive things to something else but I completely forgot what those last things were. Maybe the world? Idk. I am meeting with her tomorrow and I will have to write it down. I feel bad I didn’t practice that or the positive imagination where I image the best outcomes and actually see myself doing them. I’m trying not to feel guilty about it, but I cannot stop the feeling this way. I need to remember that it’s okay to feel this way and I’m human.

In other news, I’m trying to eat better with more nutritious foods and more calories. I realized that I don’t eat enough which is why I’ve been feeling like I don’t have enough energy. Meal prepping has been a lifesaver, but I realized this week that I need to pack one or two snacks for the day to munch on at work so I don’t end up starving by the time I get home. I’ll be sure to work on that next week.

I’ve been feeling my body fight a cold for the last week or so. I started taking Emergenc every morning and I’m trying to go to bed earlier this week. It’s 9:15 and I’m already in bed! I’m so worried about dying that it can get in the way of living. Am I the only one that feels that way? Is this my anxiety? I think so. But I feel like it’s also a human thing and I can’t be the only one to think this way. I feel worried about my body on a daily basis. I know somedays its better than others, but the bad days are hard. I’ll have to go back and reread some of my writings from when I had a good day.

Maybe I should start daily journaling again. I used to do it on paper in a irl journal, but tumblr/my phone is way more convenient. I’ll give it a go and at the end of my journal entry, I’ll try writing about those positive things I’m supposed to be practicing.

I’m a sweet and caring person and I wish positive vibes to my sweet & caring self.

You’re smart and I wish positive vibes to your smart self.

The world is beautiful and I wish positive vibes to the world.

[mitten]