Logging Off

hi I'm Ben i am 25 and in my opinion dog. New York

[pajamaben]

if they don’t have diet coke in heaven when i get there, i’m gonna kill myself

[pajamaben]

when i die pour a white monster on my casket so hell knows that their savior is coming

[pajamaben]

“christmas is nearly over for you, but for my family, toyotathon has just begun. may the deals be with you”

[the voice in my head] and also with you

*my eyes begin to glow as as my family slowly levitates into the sky*

[pajamaben]

follow my new instagram where i will be posting my pokémon collection thank you god bless

Instagram: @gengar__gang

[pajamaben]

follow my new instagram where i will be posting my pokémon collection thank you god bless

Instagram: @gengar__gang

[pajamaben]

every novel is a mystery novel to me because i can’t read

[pajamaben]

You're saying all you need is a proper buoyancy and decent water displacement? I'm not sure what that means but whatever floats your boat

[pajamaben]

inflation is definitely not good............but that’s just my five cents

[pajamaben]

‪my little cousin is trying to “cancel” me because i clogged the toilet and told everyone in the family it was him‬

[pajamaben]

posting my nudes on linkedin in hopes of finally securing a financial analyst job

[pajamaben]

it may have taken me 40 years to become the Guinness Books heaviest man in the world but it was worth the weight

[pajamaben]

i smoked weed once in college which is the only reason i can think of for why i never won the tour de france 

[pajamaben]

listen, i'm very wealthy, i have like 4 different email accounts

[pajamaben]

me, a bad parent: rough 1st day at school?

my son, a crying loser: no one likes me.

me, after pausing for a long time so i can attempt to relate but after careful consideration i cannot because i was popular at all stages of my life so i instead decide to relay some sagely and timeless advice i once heard: hey, don’t write yourself off yet. it’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on. just try your best, try everything you can. and don’t you worry what they tell themselves when you’re away.

[destinationsquid]

Fuck you

[pajamaben]

thanks for your feedback on my good post

[pajamaben]

me, a bad parent: rough 1st day at school?

my son, a crying loser: no one likes me.

me, after pausing for a long time so i can attempt to relate but after careful consideration i cannot because i was popular at all stages of my life so i instead decide to relay some sagely and timeless advice i once heard: hey, don't write yourself off yet. it's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on. just try your best, try everything you can. and don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.

[lilcontinent-deactivated2015070]

[pajamaben]

i may have been sent to the principal’s office for filling all the school's toilets with sand, but what really matters is all the friends i made along the way