Nikita

23/he/him 🍉🕊️ Old blog is deactivated :( Art + some cosplay

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Moral of the story - feed your fish or else evil Vincent Wittman will come to your house at 3 am

A little smth for my mermaid fic 🤠🤠🤠🤠

https://archiveofourown.org/works/83315266/chapters/219457511

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Oh my fucking god HOW MUCH longer will it take me to move on?? This is genuinely ridiculous, my friends are out there switching between their exes and I’m the one introducing them to new ppl because there is not a single part of me that wants someone new

I am so stupid for this im working 9 hour shifts in the clown delusion factory every day 😭😭 I haven’t been this pathetic even when I was 16 😭😭😭😭😭😭

It’s just why do I still feel it so deep under my ribs when it’s over, and I keep telling myself that it’s over and this person hates me over and over and it’s still here. I’m still so happy whenever I think about them

It’s so easy to like them for the little amount of time I knew them for, so easy to wish them the best but like what the fuck. Maybe irl we would’ve had zero chemistry, it happened to me on dates before many times

And every time I think that I’m better and I don’t even care, boom 3 days of anxiety and heartache, you’re welcome. Like what the fuck, even the last relationship with a REAL fucking giant horrible bearded man wasn’t this ridiculous.

It’s like the one time I want the person to reach out so we could talk it won’t happen and for a good reason, I hate myself for this but a part of me really believes they made the right decision to walk away. What I feel is so wrong, it’s so unrealistic and wrong why won’t it go away

I know how they perceive me, how they see me as someone who didn’t respect them and I wish I could take back everything I’ve said

I wish we’ve never met honestly I hate myself for how attached I got and how my stupid nervous system just couldn’t handle meeting someone so incredible

And like they’re not even that incredible bruh 😭 I’m just so enchanted by the small things by their stupid fucking groundness and masculinity and how much I wanted to be like them. I’m usually so fucking jealous of people better than me and this was the first time I truly just wanted someone to succeed. I was completely okay with being worse than them

I’m going to Europe this August and when we met in the beginning of a year I have to admit I thought we might met during summer like I’ve met my online friends last year. I thought by now we would be close friends, fuck if only I knew to just keep my mouth shut

There are so many more important things, so much shit I need to worry about but somehow every road leads me to them. I can tell my friends are looking down on me for this feeling bullshit, I have to keep this pain to myself and it’s so isolating

I’m not even drunk at this point, I’ve already cried to stupid sombr who I hate even more now. Some of his songs are fine but then he starts to sing and it gets ruined

I’ll probably delete this post tomorrow, I’m sorry for my muts who read this crap every now and then it’s just easier than finding my journal

I just wish they could see how much I’ve achieved, how much they inspired me to change. I’m so crushed by how they see me

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ARGHHH I am so mad I ran out of yarn working on this yellow vest (originally was a birthday gift but it’s too late so I’ll have to find someone else to wear it.. )

Anyway I got a new ball of yarn and it was a different batch so the color is a bit off and its whatever but it’s also thin af like the front part just doesn’t match the back now 😭😭😭

It’s already pretty cropped too so I can’t unravel it for yarn…I might unravel the ribbing and use a different color for it 😕…

Good news, I finished this bag + lined it. Not the most functional due to space but looks really cool

Since I’m basically out of town for the entire summer there is a demon inside of me telling me to pick up sewing.. making Valentino’s red robe would be nice 😭

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Tired of writing music I’ll just project my feelings onto porn I write but idk what’s less pathetic

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Idk something something about fem Val being the dominant one and Vox letting her do whatever she wants

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I used to have my own issues with Hazbin when season 1 came out but nowadays I’m so tired of the hypocrisy and negativity in the fandom or people who watch it just with the intention to hate and dismiss creators’ hard work I literally dgaf anymore im just happy this weird furry musical exists and Joel Perez is in it

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I am a gross disgusting pervert and I don’t even feel any shame which makes it so much worse but at least I’m minding my business 😞😞😞

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Average business partners activities

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horrible gross wlw smutt if anyones interested

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

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I want to post sketchbook stuff like I used to, but I’m grinding construction so I don’t have any pretty stuff in there

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Mean repressed ceo and her fun trophy wife

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I am such a perfectionist when it comes to my handmade stuff (crochet, knit, jewelry and etc) and I always feel this weird guilt feeling when I gift my friends things I’ve made bc in my head everything I touch automatically sucks but seeing some of them wear those pieces even after years >>>>>>

Best feeling in the world

I wish knitting was fast then I would make everyone in my friend group sweaters and vests and scarfs and everything

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There definitely won’t be a second date but at least he knows why Clark DIDNT kill his wife

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My babygirl, I can fix her

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Girlies

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Obsessed with this diva