is your house in order?

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main—@crowshuh 18+ only

hi its wednesday of crowshuh fame this is my sideblog for wips, nsfw, irl stuff, and misc thoughts i dont feel like putting on my main.

main tags:

#wips #my writing #wens irl

#oc: dina al basri — poster girl of my account and my silly little rabbit. less a person, more a collection of minds wearing a pretty, if slightly unnerving face. lover of technology and the nervous system to an (un)healthy degree.

playlist / pintrest board / main tag / toyhouse

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i will finish one of my dinategan writing wips this weekend if it kills me btw (<- last words before it probably kills me)

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"It" ended up being the Sickness actually but hey i still finished it a week later🕊️

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(pacing around my cage) for all of dina's hangups around what she considers love and how it has to be neatly detached from external influences in order to be valid, i think hearing ortega say that he fell in love with this version of her all over again genuinely did a Lot for her mentally because atp she barely considers who she was as sidestep to even be the same person as he is now. like not only has she transitioned since then and become a lot more confident in those areas because he's stopped pretending to be someone else, but even before that he still felt like he was actively playing a character around people as sidestep. she just reutilized the persona that the farm made him perform in order to come across as non-threatening and friendly because that's what he thought he had to do to survive.

so cut to the game events and dina is involved with ortega again and is just kind of quietly seething to herself, convinced that there is this two-fold kind of ghost that ortega is expecting to see when he's with her... so the vindication of hearing ortega say that (even if she can't 100% trust it because she can't read his mind) is like...

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going back to Really Old Wips that i started before i made dina's hair properly curly is so scary like babygirl. yoyr curls what happened...

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original sketch from august 2024 woof… anyways crazy level of dead wife happening here 🙂‍↕️

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going back to Really Old Wips that i started before i made dina's hair properly curly is so scary like babygirl. yoyr curls what happened...

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Alright ! here's a short list of some of my favorite creative inspirations! if you're interested in any of the books here i have most of them as pdfs/epubs and threw them in a drive here

Serial Experiments Lain

A large inspiration for how I conceptualize the world of FHR. Techno and psychological horror show about a world simultaneously ahead of and behind modern technology. Deals with heavier themes of (un)reality, isolation in the face of technological advances, and an over-reliance on technology to foster human connections. As well as the divisions the Self can undergo in the face of all these things. It’s something I lean into a lot for more abstract imagery and that kind of depressed, retro-futurism that FHR dabbles in. Do read the label and check the trigger warnings beforehand though as it can be a lot if you’re not in the right headspace for it. There is a lot of references to suicide/suicidality right from episode 1 and it can definitely be hard to watch if you've experienced similar things (i know i had to take breaks when first watching it).

Crimes of the Future (2022)

Another FHR inspo of mine I’ve mentioned briefly. Sci-fi, body horror film about a future in which the human body is quickly evolving beyond what we know, physical pain no longer exists, and the government is desperately trying to maintain control over what the “standard” is by imposing restrictions to prevent further evolutions. Again, I pull from this because of the similar technological advances it shares with FHR, as well as having an interesting commentary on the policing of the body in the face of nature and adapting to your environment however “unnatural” that may seem.

Signalis

Sniles so sneetly. Everyone go play Signalis please and thank you. Sci-fi and psychological horror game that is Very similar gameplay wise to classic Resident Evil games and just as fun in my opinion. I think it compliments FHR very well in terms of touching on themes of the Self with multiple characters being fractured across different versions of themselves and the selfishness of love. Surreal and nonlinear in a way I adore. Also I save this until the end because it shouldn’t have to stand Solely on this fact, but Space Robot Lesbians.

The Southern Reach by Jeff Vandermeer

My favorite book series i’ve read recently !!! Annihilation is a wonderful book but please please also give the same love to Authority and Acceptance as well because as a trilogy they make just such a wonderfully, gut-wrenching story about human connection and the impermanence of life and the Self… Vandermeer has such a great skill for crafting engaging and deep characters with complex relationships with each other. The series as a whole is also just a wonderful example of horror set in the american south that uses the beautifully diverse environment to its advantage and does not use tired and classist stereotypes as shortcuts for its horror.

Matrix by Lauren Groff

I’m attempting to keep these recommendations mostly secular since if I went into my favorite religious books this list would be twice as long but Matrix is the one exception for me since it’s a historical fiction. A story that follows Marie de France, a poet and noble who’s exiled to a dying, destitute abbey in 12th century England. At the core of the book is a very gritty and ephemeral kind of spirituality that develops as Marie ages and highlights women’s often undercut place and contributions to discussions of western religion and spirituality. Read if you like a main character with an unreciprocated, lesbian crush on the queen of France, girls who get ecstatic visions, and prose that drags you by the hair at times.

The Six Deaths of the Saint by Alix E. Harrow

This is a short story I read last year that I really enjoyed. Fantasy setting with a second person POV narration that works very well for the story. It’s definitely short enough to read in one sitting but it is one of those stories that is like an Inspiration Shot to me. A Creative Springboard if you will 🙂‍↕️

Asterios Polyp by David Mazzucchelli

Easily my favorite graphic novel Of All Time i think. Absolutely gorgeous art style I’m including pictures so you can see because Guh!!! I love it a lot. It’s a really tangible exploration on the messiness of personhood imo and how two vastly different people can still find a common ground and love for each other despite how they interact with the world. I first read it in a comic class in college and was so surprised when a majority of the people on the class did Not like the ending when it was one of my favorite parts. It’s devastating in such a mundane and emotional way I wouldn’t want it to end any other way. Recently started rereading it and it actually reminds me a LOT of Disco Elysium. Just really good…

Succession

Sorry. I legally have to put this here (I’m not sorry, Succession rules). Personally I owe Succession SO MUCH in terms of aiding my writing process because both the script itself and the actors are just so so good at making some of the most Bizarre Sentences sound normal in conversation. I honestly used to dread writing dialogue until I started studying scenes from this show and how the characters talked and it helped me write conversations that felt a bit more believable to my brain lol. Besides that Succession is just such a shitshow of awful and entertaining characters. Also everyone needs to experience Kendall Roy. Everyone…

Black Leopard, Red Wolf by Marlon James

A book I actually need to come back to this year because it is Quite Dense in its world building and pace but it is SUCH a refreshing breath of air if you’re bored of the typical Fantasy Europe settings. It’s a fantasy set in a pre-colonial mythic Africa and to make an easy, if generalized, comparison the world building and plot are on par with Lord of The Rings. Do look into the trigger warnings on this though if it sounds interesting to you. It does get pretty dark and graphic in its brutality at times and does not shy away from making you watch along as they happen.

Resident Evil 7: Biohazard

Ah my beautiful wife Resident Evil 7 Biohazard… this was my first true introduction to Resident Evil (because no watching minecraft resident evil mod review videos in like 2012 does Not count). And honestly it kind of spoiled me for the rest of the series because goddd it is just such a good story and game (hasn’t even played it because i’m too scared). The horror of it is just so damn effective it keeps you on your toes until the end. I love Ethan and Mia Winters as characters so much they are such a great doomed couple that make me pace in circles. Also please watch/play this game so you can experience Jack Baker as an antagonist because he is literally my favorite horror antagonist, he’s just SO Fun (and also later devastating but that’s later okay)

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okay yay i managed to finish my inspo. recommendation blurbs i just want to add some pictures and do an intro for it which i can do in the morning and then i shall share it.

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that lrb reminded me i still need to share my like top 10 creative inspirations when it comes to writing/story telling in general. i just lost steam bc i wanted to Also write little blurb pitches for all of them so if anyone wants to know what theyre getting into they will... my weekend plan perhaps.

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i had some nice and coherent thoughts about dina and gender and her connection to her femininity last night and intended to get them out today but then i woke up sick feeling like my brain is cooking in its own CSF so instead im just sending out my Beams

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so long Dina bug icon got served me well but it’s time for lesbian robot with a gun icon now. 🕊️

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very fun and silly to me that in 99% of the aus i put dina in where there are vampires, she is the unethical and codependent vampire in a vampire/human relationship. and it usually goes just about as well as you'd think!

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#hercreepyeye

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i will preface this by saying im saying the following entirely for myself and to attempt to hold myself to my goal of creating more original works in the future and it is smth i just thought of offhandedly from no particular prompt.

i appreciate fanfic and the reception ive gotten from my writing immensely. and have no doubt whatsoever that my writing skill would be significantly less honed if i hadn't gotten into a story that inspired me enough to churn out writing at a rate i hadn't done in years (its crazy).

but im also trying to be more conscious of how it might have limited my writing skills in other ways. like it or not we are living in a world where fanfic has breached into the formal literary world (and beyond), reylo and stucky fics can get their labels filed off and be sold to wider audiences with smash success... but one point i've often seen reiterated about situations like these is that no matter how well you file the labels off or change the characters names, there is usually always this unconscious Assumption that the reader already knows all the important parts and you can just jump immediately into the Fun Parts. you already Know these characters and the dynamics they have and the trials and tribulations they've endured (even if it's smth like an au, you Assume something of equal importance happened in its place). and the issue is mostly in the unconscious nature of this, because there's nothing wrong with framing a story element or character detail like its already Implicitly Known by your narrator and therefore the audience but not realizing you're doing so and then not knowing How to get across the ideas/information you're Assuming your reader knows definitely becomes an issue if you are seriously trying to craft a coherent story...

all this to say i think i need to push myself to write more original works going forward or at least to approach my fic writing with a bit more nuance towards what im taking for granted in terms of audience knowledge.

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hm... maybe for pride i should finally write the dina+anathema sidequest to get dina's ears pierced idea i've had in my head for months...

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it's interesting to imagine a scenario where chargestep are allowed to Actually Address the elephant in the room that is sidestep's tattoos because for dinaric my own in-universe explanation for dina's tattoos paralleling ricardo's mods is that the line down the spine is one of the few identifiers for telepath regenes and i think a part of dina wants ortega to know this and what it means for her being a regene... i dont think she's at a place now where she could earnestly tell him this without using it as a way to intentionally hurt him but i think she could eventually come around to it. a small exchange for knowing so much about his mods and her interest in them despite sensing that it's a sore spot for him.

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dina/ortega | 584 words | vague nsft

There's a brief lull. A shifting against bed sheets and skin and. The weight above her lays down against her, pushing one long, reedy breath out of his lungs. That seems to do something, jump-starts his brain back into semi-working, the clarity of drowning without the desire to resurface. Dina winds a hand against the back of his head, into the disheveled curls there, as Ricardo works a wet kiss against his neck with sole intent. Some much so that he's stopped, save for the shuddering muscles of his core and the crush of breath she can feel against her neck.

Dina turns her face towards his. Searching. Nose bumping an ear. "Need to take a break?"

The grin is open-mouthed, fingers making a fist. Enjoying the noise that creates. Ricardo turns, feels more than hears the words—the warm huff of breath—and chases the mouth they came from. The kiss is slow, languid enough that she feels the engine of her brain sputter out pitifully again under the drag of his tongue. Content to let him continue; to let the lines of herself blur against him. So easy to tell the brain that the heat and weight of another body is actually his own, the closest she'll get to experiencing it. One breath between two mouths.

Her taunt is long forgotten by the time Ortega pulls back, pulls away. The reaction is involuntary, a sucking breath as her ribcage re-inflates, flaring underneath brown skin. Ortega readjusts onto braced hands, watching the movement before his eyes meet hers again, an interrupting grin ruining the look of mock affront.

"Sorry, are you doing any work right now?" His voice tightens in the back of his throat, wrecked. Not helping his act much either. Dina lets her hand fall from his skull and feels it travel down his back.

"Just an observation," he says with a laugh that is closer to a sigh. All teeth and tongue. Her hands brush lower, following the arch of spine and mods as they become muscle and soft hair. Quietly delighted to feel his glutes tense and relax with the slow grinding of his hips. He has half a mind to just pull him back down, back in, especially when he snaps his tongue in a way that sounds dismissive.

"Mhm, sure. It's mountains and valleys, Dina," he says matter-of-fact, using a hand to draw a waving line against the skin of her side. Ribcage to armpit, following the momentum of it and letting it carry his arm under and around the back of her shoulders. Readjusting their position with ease and Dina frowns at the metaphor.

"What?" A laugh like a punch, hard and disarming. Nails digging into the meat of his ass. Unable to find the line between that and sex, especially not with that hand on the soft pit of her knee. The deep muscle ache and flexion it's sending up through strained nerves. Over her, Ricardo just hums, dropping to put a kiss on his cheek.

"Mountains and valleys," he repeats annoyingly, face snug back against where her neck meets shoulder. Words nearly lost between the heat of his breath, the smell of ozone. Dina shudders and tightens his grip. Come on.

She turns and finds his face again. Lips to ear. To soft skin and sideburns. And through will alone he manages a sneer that is more like a grin, more like a gasp. "Jesus, I was just trying to be considerate…"