the living canvas

[pan1cinlimbo]

⟫ an original dependent character for @ashfordhqs written by—gabby, 27, est, she/they

adem demirci, 27, tattoo artist at the inkspot.

one of the ashford five.

introduction. pinterest board. spotify playlist.

[esmexmaddox]

Kennedy shook her head quickly as he apologised, her fingers tightening around his wrist, almost desperate. “No… no, don’t say you’re sorry,” she struggled to speak through the tears and lump in her throat. Her other hand came up, covering his where it rested on her cheek, holding it there like she needed the warmth to steady herself. “You don’t have to apologise for surviving,” she whispered but hopes that he heard her and knew she meant it. When he mentioned being terrified they would take her next, another tear slipped down her face. “You idiot…” she murmured softly, though there was no anger in it and only humour. “I was scared too. But you’re here,” she said quietly, her voice trembling but steadier now. “You made it back.”

[pan1cinlimbo]

adem held kennedy close, as they both cried, in an embrace that he's thought about for years, one he never thought he would ever have again. in fact, seeing the people he loves and close with ever again. it felt strange, somewhat of a dream, a result of a what if. what if my mind already has given up and this is all what could've been? the only thing that snaps him out of it is the fact the emine didn't make it. he would never imagine a would without his sister in it. "i'm not going anywhere this time, kennedy, i promise, i go where you go, okay?" he says with a sad smile.

[luctusmane]

It was hard not to smile at the name Buster. It was a ridiculous thing to be called and it was more ridiculous on a girl that looked like Holly. It felt like an old timey gangster rather than the name given to a lonely little wallflower. But as soon as Holly heard it, she walked forward and pulled Adem into a gentle hug. “Missed you, Bucko,” she replied. After Adem said he failed Emine, Holly pulled back. The way he looked at her… Holly wasn’t sure if he was looking to apologize for leaving Emine behind. It hurt that Emine was dead, not that she would ever say it out loud and definitely not to Adem, but it made her confused. Holly tilted her head. A soft smile danced on her lips. “Do you think she’d be mad at you for surviving, Adem?” Holly asked. Her eyes looked up at him. They were wide with certainty.

[pan1cinlimbo]

"i just...wish i was able to save her, holly. i promised...i said she's going to be okay, i gave her false hope." and that's going to haunt him forever, the thought of him having the strength, the hope after so many years of whoever those people are making them only know suffering and nothing else. "i know she would forgive me in a heartbeat, holly. i know that...she's always done that." he wipes his tears away. "but...she never deserved to die. i don't understand why...i am trying to, but this...all of this is unfair. i wish she was the one saved instead."

[underwelmed]

thomas jaquet

[sweater-guys]

Emre Bey

[luctusmane]

@pan1cinlimbo

“Adem?” Holly paused. It was odd to see any of Emine’s siblings after her break-up with their sister. But Adem, Holly never really got any kind of time with. Emine and her dated, then she disappeared, followed by Adem. And it felt just as odd to ask where he has been, or how he was feeling, or what happened to him. Holly assumed he already had enough of it. Why should she add to reliving whatever it was that he went through? Holly offered a small smile and gave him a nod. “It’s good to see you, again.”

[pan1cinlimbo]

"hey...buster." he greets her with a soft smile, a nickname not making sense for holly yet it was something he blurted out many years ago that it just stuck with him. adem met holly and became friends with her when she and emine started dating, and he had been around them a lot whenever the two were together. "i...never thought i'd see you again." in fact, he never thought he'd seen anything or anyone outside the walls of the place they were kept in for so long. "i...i was going to come back for her..." he looks down, realizing, and feeling like he failed her, too. "i promised, holly. i promised emine i was going to get help...i...i failed her."

[belkismaddox]

He couldn't say that he didn't understand the way that Adem was feeling about right now. There were many times over the years when he left that he felt that way. Sure, it had never come from the death of a family or friend, but still he had felt that deep pain in his chest before too. "It was never your job to protect her. It was mine to protect you both." He took a breath to keep his emotions calm, keep the strong and hard face that he was raised to always show. He was the eldest boy, he was born to do this. "I know that I wasn't a good brother to you before, to Emine, but I'm not gonna let anything happen to you again. We will live and we will take care of each other, for her."

[pan1cinlimbo]

"taylan...i promised her, i promised emine i was going to come back. i should've just...i should've just fought." adem couldn't stop the tears from falling anymore as he recalls the last memory he had with emine, the hope in her eyes when he told her has was going to get help, that she was going to get out next, but he failed, he was too slow, too late, too weak. "i wish...i've always wished i was as strong as you." he says the moment he gathers the strength to speak. "but i can't, i tried, taylan, i should have fought for emine...she would've been here too with me, if i was just as strong as you, even a little bit..." the pain in his chest was slowly getting unbearable. "i'm sorry, taylan...i'm sorry i failed you..."

[pan1cinlimbo]

adem demirci: task 002

instagram: ⟦ @ ademdemirci ⟧ tags: @kennedyxmullen, @taylandemirci

[parkerlevy]

She would be lying to say that it didn't sting to watch him go with the others 5 years ago, but then again it stung to watch him love Kennedy too. Parker was never happy to see Adem disappear from their lives, but a part of her could feel the guilt eating her alive that she ever had the sliver of pride against his girlfriend for losing him too. "How am I doing?" She wanted to be stunned at his question, though she had already felt that coming from him. "Only you would escape some psycho killers and ask me how I'm doing." A few steps into the bedroom were taken as she let herself relax a little bit. "I'm doing great, now can we talk about you? Where the hell have you been for five years?"

[pan1cinlimbo]

"i can't help it..." adem would be exhausted, life drained out of him, yet he would still put other people first. it was a quality that cannot be erased as it's etched permanently into him. regardless of how things have gone down with parker all those years ago, the man still cared about her, even from afar, even when the friendship they had ended—over his choice of being with kennedy. "i...i don't even know where to start." this wasn't the first time somebody asked him that question, yet adem still struggled. what he went through over time was almost like the only thing he knew, yet talking about it is a struggle. "there's these...people in black cloaks, they've put us in this room...me, emine, jae, yazmin, julia...they'd cover our eyes too, so i don't...i don't know who they are, or why...they did what they did." and they could still take him again, that...that terrified adem. "they would talk...but we couldn't make sense of the words they say. it's as if they're making sure we do not know a thing."

[junexcorrigan]

GOD, WHERE DOES HE even begin with everything that's happened over the past five years? his mother's battle with cancer, her funeral ( he had felt like he was dying ), parker's cheating -- the ring. god, the mere thought of how much time had passed without his best friend made him feel like he was suffocating. and yet, there is some comfort in the knowledge that they've been given back something that was taken from them: time. maybe they can't back every second, but there's more ahead of them.

he hadn't forgotten what his voice sounds like -- of course he hadn't. he had watched the video's enough on his phone to keep that memory alive. and yet, when he hears it again -- it's like a bullet to the chest. it sounds so different, hearing it live and in stereo. it's like he's listening to it through the radio -- like he was an intruder in the scene playing out before them. but, then there's the mantra in his head calling out to him. he's here, truly here. and yet, he can't help but wonder if he thinks too much, adem will dissapear.

" y'don't gotta tell me twice. " he nods quietly, approaching the other, weak smile breaking through the wall of protection he had set up for so long. it's as if his pace has never been this fast. it's then when he feels the other's touch that he finally finds himself crumbling. " it really doesn't feel real. thank god... " he whispers under his breath, eyes turning towards the floor for a moment. " y'don't have to apologize me for a damn thing, god damn it. y'came back. that's all i could possibly ask for. " after a moments pause, he continues. " i'm orderin' food, and we're gonna stay in. we have so much catchin' up to do. " not just with everything going on around them, but with themselves.

[pan1cinlimbo]

the feeling of home was something that adem has almost forgotten over the past five years, knowing only darkness and the cold, uncomfortable ground he has settled it with his friends, shackled to the walls, room either swallowed by the eerie quiet or the hushed words that sent chills down their spines every time the black cloaked people are in the same room as they are. it was weird, somehow a dream of what they have been wanting all these years, a memory of what could've been when life has already left their bodies.

but this is real, adem's home and his best friend is there to prove that this was all real.

he gives samson's hand a soft squeeze, looking up at him. "i never thought...i never thought i'll make it out." it was something he kept telling the people who have visited him over the past couple of days, it was the simplest of statement enough to describe the horrible predicament he has been in. "still, samson, i..." he wishes to take the pain away from the people he loves, ones who had searched, who had been worried, whose hopes almost dwindled over the past five years.

"there's...so much things we gotta talk about, man..." he gives him a sad smile this time. "i'm not goin' anywhere, and this bed is the first comfortable thing i've had in a while..." he admits to the other. "talk to me about anything, i'm listening..."

[esmexmaddox]

Kennedy’s lips parted the moment his hand touched her cheek and that was all it took for the composure she’d been holding together to finally break. Tears built at her waterline instantly, spilling over before she could stop them. She wasn't sure whether it was because she missed him, obviously, or if it was the description he gave, the fact that he keeps asking if anything happened.. which it did but how could she mention Taylan? For a second, she just stared at him.Then her hand came up, gripping his wrist where it rested against her skin. “I thought you were dead,” she whispered, voice trembling, the words cracking under the weight of five years’ worth of grief. A quiet sob escaped her before she could stop it. “I’m glad you’re here,” she breathed, another tear slipping free. “But I don’t understand… why would anyone do this?”

[pan1cinlimbo]

"i'm sorry, kennedy, i'm sorry..." it hurt him seeing the blonde break like that. adem knew it was beyond his control, yet he wished things would be different, that he was able to think of a plan earlier...be able to get home, and maybe he would still have time to save emine, the others, but he buries this thought for now. "i never thought i'd make it out..." he says with full honesty, recalling how his hope almost diminished as days went by of him being abducted, not really understanding the reason why people would do such sick things like they've done to him, to jae, to yazmin, julia...to his sister. all that time he was away wasn't enough to comprehend it all. "i kept...asking myself the same question, ken...i...i was terrified, so terrified of them doing the same to the others...to you." he starts. "every day that has passed, i was so scared to see them take somebody next...so scared that it would be you, and i couldn't be there to stop it..." tears starts welling up in his eyes. "i'm here now, ken...i promise i'm here now."

[junexcorrigan]

FRANKLY, SAMSON FELT LIKE he lost the ability to breathe when he learned that adem was alive. it was a combination of relief and disbelief after seeing those three girls, the color drained from their faces. the world had played enough cruel jokes on him before -- enough to render him a skeptic even in the most hopeful of times. and yet, he's up before the average human being can even blink. his best friend, his brother is still here. still breathing. he needs to see for himself -- or he just might fall apart.

he knows the trip to adem's place like the back of his hand, even after all these years. the reflexive pattern is quickly absolved of its dust -- but he can't help but hesitate as he stands on his doorstep. he can't be fooled again. his heart can't take it. but, as he enters -- and he's there, the relief consumes the cynicism just as quickly as it entered. he's here. he's really here.

" nah, don't you dare get up. not for me. y'need yer rest. "

samson is not a crier, at least not a frequent one. some tears were shed at his mother's funeral ( he didn't know what he would have done if sav hadn't been there -- in all honesty. she was the one that kept him together ), but what's collecting in his eyes is different. it's all the anticipatory grief that had held him down for the past five fucking years -- coming to the surface.

he approaches slowly, taking a seat beside him on a nearby chair that he positions so they can be close. a shaking hand comes to rest on the other man's arm.

" i thought they were lyin' t'me... " he admits through a shaken breath. " holy shit, dude. " where does he begin, when it comes to expressing how much he's missed him?

[pan1cinlimbo]

looking at samson, it was safe to assume that so much change has happened over the past five years ever since he's disappeared. in fact, there's been a lot of changes that occurred that adem is yet to process. ashford looked and felt different, there were new faces and faces whose memories are a blur for him now. his best friend was one of the few that...even though in his eyes, five years had changed him, that was still the best friend he remembered.

he hears his voice and somehow it's one of the things that calms him even more, they were each other's shoulder to lean on, someone he had been able to share his unfiltered thoughts without judgements. people do say blood is thicker than water when it comes to family, but samson is someone who proves that wrong. he didn't need to be blood to be considered family. he is a brother to adem.

"come here, man." he says with a tired smile, noticing the tears welling up in his eyes. it felt like the first time he's seen him cry, given how few are the times when he did. adem hated seeing people hurting, crying, because of him, but it was something he couldn't stop right now. he's how going to stop samson from feeling what he's feeling.

"i'm here, samson. i'm here, i promise." he puts his hand on top of the other's, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "m'sorry it took me a while...but i'm here."

[belkismaddox]

He didn't expect Adems word to hit him as hard as they did. Of course he wanted to hear that his brother had a chance at being happy again, that he had someones arms to return to now that he was home. He just didn't want it to be with her. Taylan chose to stay silent in regards to those comments, afraid that he might slip up and hurt him more than he already was. He was a monster of a person, but he wasn't heartless completely. "Adem." Finally he broke the large gap that stayed between them and sat down on the other side of the bed that his brother laid in. He wrapped an arm around him like he used to do when they were kids, "She's not dead because of anything you did or didn't do. You were there for her, so much more than I ever could have been during whatever the fuck you two went through. That is what matters, you were there for her and you will live for her."

[pan1cinlimbo]

at the news of emine being dead, adem started to crumble in front of taylan. "i failed to protect her, taylan, i failed her, i failed you..." he could feel the pain in his chest, breath starting to get heavy whilst he remembers the last time he has seen their sister. he had given her false hope, he made her think she was going to be saved the second he got out, he made her think he was going to come back to her and now he's too late because she's dead. "emine's gone, i should've been there, it should've been me instead..." he cries out to his older brother. "i'm sorry, i'm so sorry taylan, i tried to get her out, i said i was going to come back for her, and now i'm too late and...and she's gone..."

[parkerlevy]

closed for @pan1cinlimbo @ adems place

She can't remember the last conversation she had with Adem or the last time she had even seen him around town before he went missing. Ever since the day that he broke her heart, picking her best friend instead of her, she had avoided the both of them as much as she could. She figured after everything he had been through now, he'd paid enough for what she felt he had done to her. "Uh, hey." She knocked softly on the bedroom door, looking back behind her for a moment before turning to face him again. "Your brother was on his way out and let me in. That's cool, right?"

[pan1cinlimbo]

it was his first time in more than five years to see parker, even before he was abducted, it was like the brunette had vanished first. yet, adem didn't question it, given the circumstances that have caused them to part ways. he learned that there was just some things that beyond control, and some decisions can cause pain to others. he hated it, hated losing people close to him when he only had a handful that he would consider the closest to him. seeing her now was a bit of surprise to adem, not thinking she'd show up to see how he's doing. "that's...cool, yeah, that's more than alright, of course, hey." he says in response, words a bit rushed as awkwardness started lingering in the air. "how are you doing, parker?"

[enzoxdiaz]

closed for @pan1cinlimbo

adem's home

"Can I VLOG this?" Jayce asked almost immediately as he entered the room that his friend was staying in. "It's cool if not, I just know this would do numbers." It wasn't that he didn't care about his friend, he definitely did, he just had no filter or a brain that properly computed the situations he was in. "How are you doing, bro? Did they feed you well?"

[pan1cinlimbo]

"no, jayce, you can't. we're not really sure...if i'm safe yet." adem knew how unserious jayce can be, but he wanted to make sure he knows. he was still terrified of those people who took him five years ago. "i feel...so fuckin' exhausted, still. people have been bringing me food here and there. i just..." he pauses, coughing a little. "i wish i'm not stuck here...like this."

[aselkaya]

She sat silently for a moment listening to him. Blindfolded and cloaked people? If she hadn't lived in this town for five years and hadn't actively been a member of the family to one of those that were missing this would all sound so fictional to her. It was the kind of docuseries or true crime podcast that you'd listen to and think 'this sounds fake' and nit-pick at. "We don't need to talk about it, Adem. If you're not ready we don't have to talk about it." She reassured her cousin. They had all the time in the world now that he was back.

"Emine?" Asel froze in place for a moment, with all the excitement of being back here with Adem she had forgotten Emine had passed. It hadn't dawned on her that he may not have known that. "Adem.." she felt her stomach sink into a pit, "Adem, she's dead.."

[pan1cinlimbo]

"adem, she's dead."

asel's words just starts ringing in adem's ears, it didn't feel real, he saw her alive before he ran out for his life, for help, to help the remaining three back whatever hellhole those people in black cloaks have put them in. for a moment then, he had hope, he was going to save his sister, he just had to run, especially with the little time he and jae had. "that can't be real, asel, that..." tears started welling up his eyes. "please tell me that's not true. i promised her, i was going to come back for her." he attempts to get up from bed, but failed, due to how frail and weak he still is. "i want to go back, i need to go back to her, she needs me, asel. emine needs me."

[esmexmaddox]

"Do you want to talk about it?" She simply asked, she wanted to know what happened to him all those years ago and where he had been however she did not want to push him if he wasn't ready. It was a sensitive topic and she knew when he wanted to talk he would, he brought it up slightly so she figured the right thing to do was ask.

His question throwing her off guard slightly. It was a simple question but how did she explain five years to him into a conversation. What did he miss? Just her sleeping with his brother.. twice.. nothing big... also Jason, Eddy... It had been five years, of course she hadn't waited around completely. "Missed? You really haven't missed much, I don't know you guys disappeared and well.. that was it. Some people left town, some came back, I don't know it's been kinda weird."

[pan1cinlimbo]

just recalling the things that have happened to him, his sister and their friends started to send chills down his spine, and he couldn't hide the fear in his eyes from the blonde. "it's...these people in black cloaks...they had us chained to the walls. i couldn't see their faces, i tried, but i wasn't able to." he starts, perhaps telling somebody he trusts and loves help, not only for himself, it was something that people should look out for, too.

"ken..." there must be something, he thinks to himself as he put his hand on her cheek, staring into her eyes. he could only imagine what has happened over the past five years. he could only assume how the blonde had handled everything, went through the things she's been through ever since he vanished. "i'm here now."