this blog is inactive, i literally only use it for archiving but I’m livid that it’s 2020 and white Jews are passing around my posts about Jewishness and whiteness. I became mutuals with a lot of popular jumblr profiles because I was groomed by at least two of them and they used me as their shield against criticisms of antiblackness and general arguments they had with Black bloggers on tumblr. I was a sophomore in highschool barely coming to terms with my own experiences with racism and intergenerational trauma and I wasn’t very well educated on critical race theory, anti-imperialism, and “leftist” lingo overall, and definitely not educated enough to realize I was being taken advantage of. I’m a csa and domestic violence survivor and at the time I entered these social groups I had severe RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) as well as co-dependency as a result of my attachment problems from constantly moving and being in hiding because of domestic violence. I wasn’t stable and I made a lot of rash decisions because I was clinging to people I thought were my friends. Instead of people people being understanding and sympathetic, I was met with a lot of vitriol and harassment, which was particularly antiblack. Last but not least, having been reconnected with my mom’s birth family, I found out I’m of Ashkenazi and Sfardi descent from my grandparents. I’ve chosen not to go through with conversion because I ended up becoming a syncretist (practicing ancestral veneration and using idols is עבודה זרה lmao), however, I still consider myself Bnei Anousim and regardless I’m zera3 yisrael. I’m really frustrated with how inappropriate so many of these adults were with me -- there was no accountability for their emotional/racial harassment and constant juxtaposition of myself and other minors to sexual content. I should have been treated better as a child and I’m irritated that a lot of my posts made during periods of extreme low points of my mental health and reflecting grooming/manipulation are being passed around still. That’s all I have to say.