I don't know how to go back to God. I feel like I destroyed my soul
Allah said through a hadith qudsi “O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth..”
The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “Allah, Blessed and Exalted is He, says, ‘O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshipping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.’” [Tirmidhi]
Allah Subhanahu wa Taala says in the Qur’an:
1. Sura 25 – Al-Furqan (MAKKA) : Verse 71
And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds, then verily, he repents towards Allâh with true repentance.
2. Sura 7 – Al-Araf (MAKKA) : Verse 153
But those who committed evil deeds and then repented afterwards and believed, verily, your Lord after (all) that is indeed Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
3. Sura 25 – Al-Furqan (MAKKA) : Verse 70
Except those who repent and believe (in Islâmic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds, for those, Allâh will change their sins into good deeds, and Allâh is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
4. Sura 28 – Al-Qasas (MAKKA) : Verse 67
But as for him who repented (from polytheism and sins), believed (in the Oneness of Allâh, and in His Messenger Muhammad SAW), and did righteous deeds (in the life of this world), then he will be among those who are successful.
5. Sura 4 – An-Nisa (MADINA) : Verse 17
Allâh accepts only the repentance of those who do evil in ignorance and foolishness and repent soon afterwards; it is they whom Allâh will forgive and Allâh is Ever All¬Knower, All¬Wise.