dank dude

Frank Iero noticed me on twitter.

[buffylives]

you’ll never catch us, so just let me be

[nonamenonewhatsoever]

[juuliaroberts]

I’m Fiona

[2makeyewsmile-blog]

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one. Officer: Don’t have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Woman: I can’t do that. Officer: Why not? Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am? Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The first officer is stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

[hipster-trichster]

that was a wild ride

[floozys-deactivated20180908]

no offence but when girls stop you mid sentence like “okay sorry but… (insert compliment that makes you feel great all day) …anyway, continue!” > every single song a man has ever written about a woman

[mangalho]

[thedisneysupreme]

so my friend’s mom is a baker…

[tpt-moved]

[drhanniballecter]

I relate to the phrase “chillin like a villain” because it shows that I’m calm but also ready to sin

[submit4nova]

Thoughts on Aleks becoming a full time meme kid streamer on twitch?

Who?

[submit4nova]

you are my favourite dink

Thats offensive.

[mydogsnokes-deactivated20150723]

not gonna lie i’m pretty uncomfortable like all the time

[fobalerts]

Patrick and Pete perform on stage on Day 3 at Reading Festival 2016 in Reading, England - 08/28/16 // Source

[fobalerts]

Patrick and Andy perform on stage on Day 3 at Reading Festival 2016 in Reading, England - 08/28/16 // Source

[fobalerts]

Patrick performs on stage on Day 3 at Reading Festival 2016 in Reading, England - 08/28/16 // Source

[fobalerts]

Patrick performs on stage on Day 3 at Reading Festival 2016 in Reading, England - 08/28/16 // Source

[theballadofmonalisa-deactivated]

Patrick Stump

Reading 8/28/16

[trohmann]

s

[americanbeautyamericanpsycho]

It's not me 👦 it's you 👩. Actually it's the taxidermy 🐗🐑 of you and me 👫 untie the balloons 🎈🎈 from my neck 🙅 and ground me. I'm just a racehorse 🐴🐎🐎 on the track. Send me back 🔙 to the glue factory 🏢. Always 🕛🕟 thought I'd float 🎈 away ↗️ and never 🚫🕛🕧🚫 come back ↩️🔙. But I've got enough miles ⛽️ on my car 🚗 to fly ✈️ the boys 👦👦 home 🏡 on my own 🚶. But you know 💁 me. I like ❤️ being all alone 🚶 and keeping you all alone 🙍 and the charts 📊📈 are boring 😐 and the kids 👶👶 are snoring 😴💤 and the girls 👧 in a sling. You 👩 say you're not listening 🚫👂🚫 and I said I'm wishing 🌟💫 and I said... I said