No one really knows what goes on inside a mother’s mind.
From the moment I open my eyes, my brain is running. Thinking, planning, worrying, remembering. Did they eat enough? Are they happy? Did I miss something? Do they need more from me? Am I giving them enough of myself? Am I doing enough?
And then everyone goes to sleep.
The house becomes quiet, but somehow my mind becomes louder.
I replay the day. The things I did, the things I didn’t do, the things I could have done differently. I think about tomorrow, next week, next year. Their happiness, their health, their future. Every decision somehow feels bigger when it belongs to your child.
Because when you’re a mother, there is no real off switch. Even when your body is exhausted, your mind is still on duty.
And then someone looking in from the outside makes a comment, forms an opinion, questions a choice without knowing the thousand thoughts that came before it.
Their opinion shouldn’t matter.
But somehow, it still finds its way into that already overcrowded mind and leaves another question behind:
And that's the exhausting part. Because deep down, I know I am giving them everything I have. But when you love your children this much, “everything” never quite feels like enough.
You always wonder if there is something more you could give, something you haven't noticed, another door you could open for them.
Maybe that is motherhood.
Carrying a love so enormous that even when you are doing your absolute best, you still lie awake wondering if your best could somehow be better.
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