PaperKid

Kid needs a fucking life.

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Richie: Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Richie: I had no idea you could milk a cat.

Ben: Oh yeah, you can milk anything with nipples.

Richie: I have nipples, Ben. Could you milk me?

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Richie: At what point do we come no different than the thing we're fighting?

Bill: We are w-way different.

Richie: How?

Bill: We only b-break the rules to h-help people.

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Ben: What is wrong with you? Is everyone in Derry in a bad mood? I thought Derry was supposed to be the fun one.

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Eddie: While I am more than happy to spend an evening watching old movies with you, Rich, do you not have your cousin's dinner to attend?

Richie: Yeah. I was gonna ask Beverly to come with me, but then I got a much better idea.

Eddie: Which was?

Richie: To not go at all.

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Richie: [about Bill and Beverly] You guys are like 10 seasons of Ross and Rachel, but just, like, smushed into one year.

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Bill: I promise I'll n-never be late a-again.

Beverly: My best friend is always saying that and he is always late.

Bill: You're worth b-being on time for.

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Richie: What exactly are we debating?

Ben: The average number of bugs a person swallows in a day of running.

Richie: I look forward to seeing you accept your Nobel.

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Beverly: Bill, truth or dare?

Bill: Uh, truth.

Beverly: How many girls did you date before me?

Bill: D-DARE.

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Bill: Okay guys, I k-know we can w-win this.

Beverly: How?

Bill: I have n-no idea.

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Mike: Don't you think laser tag elevates the mindless violence so prevelant in our society?

Richie: No, we think it's fun.

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Richie: The kids hate me.

Stan: Not just the kids.

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Richie: Hey, Ben... I went on a date with this geeky girl...

Ben: So?

Richie: So! I got her number for you!

Ben: Why can't anyone understand that I'm perfectly happy alone? CAN YOU NOT SEE HOW HAPPY I AM?!?!?!

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Bill: Richie we n-need your help!

Richie: Okay, step one: deny everything! Step two: if they don't believe step one, blame your friends.

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Bill: You can b-be a housewife.

Beverly: Can I be a mansion wife?

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Beverly: Richie's not your boyfriend. He barely remembers your name.

Eddie: He barely even remembers his own name!

[paper-kid-needs-a-life]

Ben: I just lost the most beautiful girl in the world.

Eddie: Maybe Richie and I could...

Richie: Stop volunteering me to help people!