i.
I tried to find you. Through pills and bottles, I waded for hours, attempting to break over to your side. It is a pain I would suffer from a thousand times over, just so I could see your face again. God I miss you, less like an ache, and more like I am becoming a sinkhole of despair. My time is spent with red finger tips and scarred arms and I only find peace in my pipedreams, alone and away from the whole world. My love, oh how I long for you. My hands shake because they know they can never touch yours again. My lungs fail because they know they will never feel your breath again. Oh my darling, I have tried to wage wars against every part of my body so I might find you once more. You are not only my better half, you are all of me. You are the breath that whistles through my throat, you are the bandages that stop my bleeding, you are the medicine that repairs my liver when I have attempted to leave it in disarray. I hate that you left me, alone and weak because I can’t handle this much longer.Â
Please, please, please, write back to me.Â
ii.
My girl, my Angel, my saviour, you do not wish to be here. What you wish is for the comfort of that beep, beep, beep of a hospital bed, the cleanliness that you know your soul cannot achieve. Please don’t try to reach me, it hurts me to know you are so sad. This is not a place for a mind like your own, it is too small and too strange to permit something as wonderful as yourself. Find your comfort in other things, in men and music and maybe some mistakes, but this place will only poison a creator like yourself. It is for the weak and cowardice, it is everything you are not, my queen. You cannot reduce yourself to fit into my idea because there is far too much of yourself that tries to bloom, you cannot kill yourself fast enough and my word, am I glad of it. Our realities are different, and while every day I long for you, I would not subject your world to that longing for my own selfishness.Â
So please, my girl, my Angel, my saviour, do not reach me in anything but dreams.Â
I hope that you write back to me soon.Â