I have a concept for a new superhero comic.
It’s about a middle-aged teacher in one of those fly-over cities in the midwest. She wears glasses and cardigans, so you know immediately that she is boring and has no aspirations in life.
But behind her mild-mannered exterior lurks a secret alternative identity. Because when she reads the news, she manifests a completely different personality. It’s like the Hulk, but less physically imposing.
So, like in one episode, this teacher’d be reading about the President ridiculing victims of a natural disaster (while throwing paper towels at them). And suddenly a pimple would form in the center of her forehead. And the more she read, the larger and more swollen and red the pimple would get. Finally, the it would be the size of a kiwi, and as purple as a grape.
Then it would pop open and an adorable little purple fairy would burst out.
Screaming.
The little fairy would be screaming the foulest, most disgusting curses ever heard. She would mix that inscrutable Scottish slang you saw on twitter, with the coarsest biological references you’ve ever heard from a drill instructor.
Then she would zip off, through wires and wifi like a photon torpedo to find and excoriate the source of the offense. Her words would be as sharp as a Valerian steel. Her sarcasm would be as dry as a popcorn fart. The fairy would find and excise each untrue remark, and she would bind every logical fallacy, until the ground was covered with the writhing red remains of the perpetrator’s ego and arrogance.
Finally, the fairy would perch on his shoulder and shrill insults and derision in his ear. She’d use archaic and peculiar phrases, like ‘deranged dotard’, and 'festering, feculent moral shambles’.
(Because its funny to make them run for a dictionary while you’re mocking them.)
And then, in the last panels of the comic, it would return to the mild-mannered, bespectacled, cardigan-wearing teacher, again. She’s reading her news and quietly sipping coffee. She turns a page, and a pimple starts forming on the tip of her nose.
pixelskylines
origamiaround
gummygunk
baratheonpilled
titsay
2087
snowghoul
yousharknotpass
