I’ve never been a big believer in the idea that you’re going to meet someone, and it’s just going to work. This is especially true if you’re accustomed to being alone. You have to make accommodations, some kind of effort to incorporate a person into your life. The time you spend together is time you might have previously spent doing something else. You might have to spend money on things like gas, getting back and forth to places you might not have gone previously. If you don’t have room to move, if you don’t have and can’t make space for someone in your life, it just isn’t going to work.
That said, almost everyone has some kind of immovable object. Things in our life that we either can’t, or won’t, change. It could be something like a work schedule, the amount of time that we have to spend on school, and school work, or a pet that simply cannot go. Fixtures, things that must either be accepted as they are, or things that must be worked around. These can pose some hefty early hurdles in compatibility between two people.
If you’re allergic to cats and can’t be around them, and the other person has a cat they cannot/will not get rid of, you either find a way to work around it, or you part ways. If your work schedules are fixed, and you can’t find time to spend together, it doesn’t matter how compatible your personalities are, if you can’t work around it, you part ways.
One of those big hurdles for me is health. Mental and physical. Health is paramount in long term happiness, and that means health comes first. If you can’t be good for someone’s health, or if they’re not good for yours, you don’t work. Even if they make you really happy when you’re together. Even if you both communicate really well. Even if you’re incredibly compatible in every other way, if one person is a detriment to the other person’s health, you part ways.
And to some degree, health can be driven by your immovables. If the amount of space you have in your life is small, swallowed up by immovables, then trying to cram something big and emotional into a small space creates tension, and stress. Things like work quality, grades, and as a result health, can take a dive. It’s not a lack of effort, not a statement about compatibility between personalities, not a lack of trust, or want.
Your closet is full, and you tried to hang just one more shirt in there, and the shelf fell off the wall. It’s okay. Mend. Come back to it when you can make some space for it in your life, where trying to fit more in doesn’t lead to the whole thing falling down.
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