When Isaac pulled away his hands were shaking, and he felt a familiar rush of panic run up his spine. His body hadn’t seemed to catch up with his head, it didn’t seem to know that he wasn’t in any danger. His stomach lurched as he steadied himself on the bar, and he watched as a look of concern crossed Harry’s features.
“You okay?” he asked, his hand reaching out to rest on Isaac’s arm lightly.
“Yeah, fine, just think maybe I had one too many,” he tried to laugh it off, but his heart continued to pound. And when he looked across the bar Parker was suddenly gone, which only made his heart pound harder. His body was screaming at him to run now. This was all wrong. It wasn’t safe. “I’m just going to get some air,” he said, trying his best to keep his voice from shaking. He gave Harry a reassuring smile before making his way outside on wobbly legs, closing his eyes and letting his back rest against the cool brick once he was outside.
When he blinked his eyes open Parker was standing in front of him, and he silently cursed himself for not realizing that, that must be where he’d gone. “Hey,” he said quietly, avoiding making eye contact, “Didn’t expect to see you here.”
Parker leaned against the brick wall of the alley, eyes facing up to the heavens and the flickering fluorescent bulb of the street light as he willed himself to make sense of what he’d just seen in a way that wouldn’t make him cry. It shouldn’t have been that difficult, and yet everything with Isaac always seemed to be.
Maybe this was his retribution for being an awful person. What else could he be when he secretly relished the fact that for once he was the one doing the denying? He hated to admit it to himself, but that day in the bookstore, when Isaac had admitted to still wanting to be together, a part of him felt powerful in being the one who got to say no. Felt validated. It was the same ugly, bitter place that had him wondering if maybe he had wanted to out Isaac just a little, just to be spiteful.
But life had a way of tugging him back, putting him back under its heel and twisting any time he let himself feel just a little bit big. Isaac didn’t love him. Didn’t miss him. Why would he? It should have been an inconsequential fact and yet... it wasn’t.
The sudden crescendo of sounds from inside the club alerted Parker to the door opening, no doubt depositing another patron in need of a smoke, or else a discrete place to puke. The din lowered back to a burble, indistinguishable and almost pleasant, but he heard no click of a lighter, nor any retching.
Isaac. By this point, it seemed almost cruel. Unluckily, Parker could be cruel, too.
“Can’t expect you’d see much of anything with your tongue jammed down some guys throat...” It was useless to deny that he’d seen it, and he wouldn’t have wanted to even if he could.
