THE MAGNET

my mother looks at me & sees my father’s mistakes ( plural noun; fragmented families don’t know how to coexist ). my father looks at me & sees everything i used to be ( noun: innocent & soft hearted ). my sister looks at me & sees the worst of my parents ( verb; shaking, hurting, burning ); he looks at me & sees the only thing in our family that might get out alive. i look at myself & see a monster ( noun; blood hands & a venomous mouth & a failing heart ).

[parkinsonolivia]

where do you go when you need some time to yourself?

            ❛   it  changes.  anywhere  quiet  ---  somewhere  calm.  somewhere  i  can  just  breathe  in  the  fresh  air  and  have  a  moment  to  pause.  lately  it’s  been  the  astronomy  classroom  ---  but  before  that  it  was  by  the  edge  of  the  forest.   ❜

[parkinsonolivia]

pancakes or waffles?

            ❛   croissants.  ❜

[descentts]

[dearmasdaily]

[parkinsonolivia]

                    olivia  wasn’t  one  to  cry  ---  but  that  didn’t  mean  she  didn’t  FEEL,  and  feel  deeply  at  that.  sometimes  olivia  thought  she  carried  the  weight  of  the  worlds  feelings  on  her  shoulders  masked  behind  a  perfectly  placed  smile,  and  yet  still  she  never  broke.  taught  perfection  since  she  was  a  little  girl  and  upholding  a  pristine  image  since  she  could  walk.  the  last  week,  however,  had  been  harder  ---  if  one  were  to  look  closely,  they  might  see  that  her  smile  was  just  that  bit  smaller,  her  shoulders  sunk  just  that  bit  lower,  and  her  words  were  limited  to  just  what  she  deemed  necessary.  cracks  were  showing  in  her  facade.  all  she  could  think  about  was  her  mother.  yet  still,  she  wouldn’t  let  herself  break.  at  least  not  yet.  she  was  strong,  but  pain  made  her  stronger,  especially  if  it  was  for  the  sake  of  her  family.

                    exactly  a  week  after  she  had  received  the  news,  stuck  in  a  routine  that  she  had  built  for  herself  in  these  last  few  days,  the  brunette  snuck  out  of  her  dorm  at  a  quarter  past  midnight,  coats  layered  upon  her  thin  silk  pyjamas as  she  moved  soundlessly  towards  the  east  towers.  she  needed  somewhere  quiet,  somewhere  open,  somewhere  isolated  to  indulge  in  a  habit  she  never  thought  she’d  have  to  tackle  ---  smoking.  once  settled  near  the  open  window  of  the  astronomy  classroom,  knees  tucked  up  close  to  her  chest,  she  wasted  no  time  in  pulling  out  a  cigarette  and  lighting  it  with  a  swift  wave  of  her  wand,  watching  the  first  curls  of  smoke  drift  through  the  window  and  out  into  the  open  air,  creating  patterns  against  the  backdrop  of  delicate,  black  waves  created  by  the  dementors  who  floated  miles  away.  she  was  nearly  halfway  through  the  stick  before  someone  inevitably  found  her,  her  eyes  still  glued  to  the  night  sky  as  they  entered  the  room.    ❛   can  i  help  you  ?   ❜    she  asked,  tone  laced  with  boredom  and  a  hint  of  annoyance  ---  not  one  bit  of  her  afraid  that  she  might  get  punished  for  this  dangerous  act.

[geltoothpaste]

me caring is a publicity stunt

[parkinsonolivia]

✧ doc

I would kill you. ✧ I would physically hurt you. ✧ I would attack you unprovoked. ✧ I would manipulate you. ✧ I dislike you. ✧ You annoy me. ✧ You scare me. ✧ You intimidate me. ✧ I hope I intimidate you. ✧ I pity you. ✧ You disgust me. ✧ I hate you. ✧ I’m indifferent toward you. ✧ I’d like to get to know you better. ✧   I’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ I’d like to be friends with you. ✧  I’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ You are my friend. ✧ You are my best friend. ✧ You are my mentor. ✧ I look up to you. ✧ I respect you. ✧ You are my hero. ✧ You inspire me. ✧ You are my enemy. ✧ You make me happy. ✧ I want to protect you. ✧ I would fight by your side. ✧ I consider you an equal. ✧ I think you are beneath me. ✧ I think you are above me. ✧ I would lie for you. ✧ I would lie to you. ✧ I would sleep with you. ✧ I would sleep by your side. ✧ I would hug you. ✧ I would kiss you. ✧ You are family to me. ✧ I would die for you. ✧ I would kill for you. ✧ I would trust you with my life. ✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ I would trust you with a secret. ✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ I love you (platonically). ✧ I love you (romantically).

[parkinsonolivia]

✧ jasper

I would kill you. ✧ I would physically hurt you. ✧ I would attack you unprovoked. ✧ I would manipulate you. ✧ I dislike you. ✧ You annoy me. ✧ You scare me. ✧ You intimidate me. ✧ I hope I intimidate you. ✧ I pity you. ✧ You disgust me. ✧ I hate you. ✧ I’m indifferent toward you. ✧ I’d like to get to know you better. ✧   I’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ I’d like to be friends with you. ✧  I’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ You are my friend. ✧ You are my best friend. ✧ You are my mentor. ✧ I look up to you. ✧ I respect you. ✧ You are my hero. ✧ You inspire me. ✧ You are my enemy. ✧ You make me happy. ✧ I want to protect you. ✧ I would fight by your side. ✧ I consider you an equal. ✧ I think you are beneath me. ✧ I think you are above me. ✧ I would lie for you. ✧ I would lie to you. ✧ I would sleep with you. ✧ I would sleep by your side. ✧ I would hug you. ✧ I would kiss you. ✧ You are family to me. ✧ I would die for you. ✧ I would kill for you. ✧ I would trust you with my life. ✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ I would trust you with a secret. ✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ I love you (platonically). ✧ I love you (romantically).

[parkinsonolivia]

✧

I would kill you. ✧ I would physically hurt you. ✧ I would attack you unprovoked. ✧ I would manipulate you. ✧ I dislike you. ✧ You annoy me. ✧ You scare me. ✧ You intimidate me. ✧ I hope I intimidate you. ✧ I pity you. ✧ You disgust me. ✧ I hate you. ✧ I’m indifferent toward you. ✧ I’d like to get to know you better. ✧   I’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ I’d like to be friends with you. ✧  I’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ You are my friend. ✧ You are my best friend. ✧ You are my mentor. ✧ I look up to you. ✧ I respect you. ✧ You are my hero. ✧ You inspire me. ✧ You are my enemy. ✧ You make me happy. ✧ I want to protect you. ✧ I would fight by your side. ✧ I consider you an equal. ✧ I think you are beneath me. ✧ I think you are above me. ✧ I would lie for you. ✧ I would lie to you. ✧ I would sleep with you. ✧ I would sleep by your side. ✧ I would hug you. ✧ I would kiss you. ✧ You are family to me. ✧ I would die for you. ✧ I would kill for you. ✧ I would trust you with my life. ✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ I would trust you with a secret. ✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ I love you (platonically). ✧ I love you (romantically).

[parkinsonolivia]

✧

I would kill you. ✧ I would physically hurt you. ✧ I would attack you unprovoked. ✧ I would manipulate you. ✧ I dislike you. ✧ You annoy me. ✧ You scare me. ✧ You intimidate me. ✧ I hope I intimidate you. ✧ I pity you. ✧ You disgust me. ✧ I hate you. ✧ I’m indifferent toward you. ✧ I’d like to get to know you better. ✧   I’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ I’d like to be friends with you. ✧  I’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ You are my friend. ✧ You are my best friend. ✧ You are my mentor. ✧ I look up to you. ✧ I respect you. ✧ You are my hero. ✧ You inspire me. ✧ You are my enemy. ✧ You make me happy. ✧ I want to protect you. ✧ I would fight by your side. ✧ I consider you an equal. ✧ I think you are beneath me. ✧ I think you are above me. ✧ I would lie for you. ✧ I would lie to you. ✧ I would sleep with you. ✧ I would sleep by your side. ✧ I would hug you. ✧ I would kiss you. ✧ You are family to me. ✧ I would die for you. ✧ I would kill for you. ✧ I would trust you with my life. ✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ I would trust you with a secret. ✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ I love you (platonically). ✧ I love you (romantically).

[parkinsonolivia]

is this a phase or something more?

    ❛  and what is ‘ this ’, exactly ?  ❜

[parkinsonolivia]

how do you think things are going to be with your mother being ill?

     ❛  different. she’s, well… she’s the glue that holds our family together. everything i do, i do for her. anything i say, anything i believe — it’s for her. and if she doesn’t make it, well… i’m not so sure who i’ll be anymore.  ❜

[parkinsonolivia]

favorite flavor pudding?

        ❛  french vanilla. the only acceptable flavour, really.  ❜

[parkinsonolivia]

self para 001

            ❛  how was the party ?  ❜

            ❛  it’s not important.  ❜

            ❛  but we just wanna know if you had fun.  ❜

            ❛  how did you even know there was a party ?  you’re thirteen.  ❜

            ❛  don’t be so stupid, livvy. the whole school knew.  ❜

            olivia merely sighed, flipping absentmindedly at the pages of her book as her brothers continued to badger her.

            ❛  did you drink ?  i heard there was alcohol. are you hungover ?  ❜

            ❛  don’t be so stupid, rhys. livvy wouldn’t drink.  — ooh, but were there drugs ?  i could picture you doing that.  ❜

            olivia simply ignored the twins, her mind buzzing with a hangover which they apparently had not yet noticed ( especially darcy, who was far more naive to her vices then she had yet realised ). they had been trying to squeeze information out of her all morning, desperate to have something to bring back to the rumour mills of third year slytherins, but olivia would still not budge, unsure of what it was they would even find particularly interesting, anyway. she was exhausted, and the twins were merely a blip in her radar --- she was far too distracted with the image of her mistakes made the night before.

            ❛  c’mooon, liv,  ❜   rhys droned, trying his best to get between her and her book with his mouth still full of bacon.    ❛  why can’t you just give us one little thing ?  it doesn’t even have to be about you. it can just be someth ---  ❜

            ❛  NOTHING HAPPENED,  ❜   she finally snapped, looking up and tossing her head between the two boys sat on her either side.   ❛  it was just a trip to hogsmeade, nothing more, nothing less. now would you please just leave me alone ?  ❜

            it was safe to say the twins were now sufficiently shut up. olivia never raised her voice, especially not at them, and their wide stares at each other clearly revealed that they were just as shocked as she was. she was just tired, and far too caught up in her own dramas to be concerned with theirs. with sheepish looks of guilt now tugging at their frowns, rhys and darcy began to make a move to leave just as the owls came screeching into the great hall. 

            olivia was too concerned with blocking her ears from the noise to notice when a letter was dropped on her plate, addressed ever so delicately to OLIVIA, RHYS & DARCY.

            the boys quickly settled back down into their seats next to their sister, pushing on her shoulders and annoying her enough for her to notice the envelope sat in front of them. before the twins could once again begin pestering her to open it up, she snatched it from her plate, running a thin nail through the parchment and gently tugging the letter out from the envelope. her eyes scanned the contents quickly, hyper aware of the eyes that were glued to hers waiting for an explanation of what could possibly warrant a letter this time of year.

                         and soon enough, her heart sank.

            ❛  liv,  ❜   darcy began, voice gentle to match the way with which his sisters face fell.   ❛  what’s wrong ?  ❜

            she didn’t even know how to begin. was she just to let them read the letter and wallow in the same pain she was feeling, or was she to break the news gently, calmly, the way an older sister is supposed to ?  it was all far too much responsibility for the girl who had made one too many drunken mistakes the night before, and as she read the letter once again, her head started to throb with a pain much worse then that of just a hangover. 

            ❛  it’s, um... it’s from carolina. her and cadmus have been spending the last two weeks with mother and father because, um... well, mother’s ill. they’re not sure what it is but it’s... it’s gotten worse, so they thought perhaps it was time we know. she, uh... she wants to make sure we come home for christmas, too, just... just in case.  ❜

            immediately, she could feel the boys shoulders slump. this was not just any letter --- this was not just any news. the parkinson family had always been so incredibly close, so wonderfully caring of each other’s needs, and luella was perhaps the one thing that kept that love together. olivia, rhys and darcy each loved their mother with a passion so profound that it felt like a part of their own souls was ill with the news. what were they going to do ?

            breath catching in her throat, olivia knew only one thing for certain --- she had to keep it together. because if she were to break, then what might happen to her brothers ?  she wanted to put on a brave face, to ensure that they knew everything was going to be alright, even if she knew in her heart that that was not something she could promise. biting down on her tongue to stop her chin from shaking, the slytherin leant back on the bench and wrapped an arm around each of the twins, pulling them close to her side and resting her chin on darcy’s head as it came crashing to her chest.

            ❛  it’s going to be alright,  ❜   she whispered, eyes glazing over and her breath shaking on the lie.   ❛  everything’s going to be okay...  ❜

[parkinsonolivia]

OLLIE.

she noticed the other girl bite her lip and step forward, and a tiny crease appeared between her eyebrows, although her voice remained as calm as ever. “ — and you’re just so drunk. ”

LIV.

❛  i’m not that drunk,  ❜   olivia protested, taking another step forward despite the already close proximity of the pair. she was walking a dangerous line in such a public space --- and yet she wasn’t ready to back down just yet.

[parkinsonolivia]

OLLIE.

ollie glanced up at her, startled not only by the sudden burst of words from the girl, but the admission that she had feelings towards ollie that reached beyond hate or indifference. she wasn’t quite sure what to say – that she defaulted to wry, sardonic humour when uncomfortable ? that she didn’t think she’d be anything special so she purposefully tried not to be ? she didn’t say any of that, though, instead lifting a shoulder in a casual, but not unkind, shrug. “ — it was just a joke, liv. ” 

LIV.

     the casual demeanour of the girl in front of her nearly infuriated olivia --- how could she always be so impossibly calm, so unbelievably cool, even as her own temper began to pick up ?  olivia parkinson was a match just waiting to be burned, but olivia baxter was as tranquil as the sea breeze. it meant olivia couldn’t even be angry when the nickname slipped past the ravenclaw’s lips.   ❛  i know, but it’s just... it’s so weird. you’re just so... different.  ❜   teeth biting down on her bottom lip, liv instinctively took a step forward, closer to the other girl.

[mikaeled]