Before I knew it, you were become increasingly more important to me. Day after day, you were there. As I grew to know you, I envied how apathetic you could be to mostly everyone. Mostly-- I say carefully. I found it just as you said the first time we spoke-- if I approached you, our conversations would never be awkward. Right you were. We spoke day after day, our conversations dragging from night to day. ( As I had often fallen asleep. ) As time passed, my schedule got busier, and so did yours. But, we still talked a little here and there. I would send a message when I fell asleep and received one during my slumber. Then I would wake up and reply and so on. Eventually. I found you starting the messages. You told me you prayed for me often-- and that's how I knew you cared about me.
One time, I got lost telling you all about my passions-- my aspirations. I thought I had bored you. I had revealed to you one of my biggest insecurities... and I had believed you would find it laughable. Instead, you patted me on the back and smiled. Telling me it was okay. You told me all the things I needed to hear, in the most raw and honest way. You had given me something I hadn't received in forever. The understanding-- the words that hit all the way to home base. That smile as I drawled on and on-- I remember it well.
I was reluctant. I was reluctant on ever putting you in the place I had sworn off to one person. I was reluctant to admit that you had become a cherished person to me-- someone of importance to me. In my eyes, you were unbroken, un-flawed. I was the complete opposite. I believed I only matched with people like who were like me. Broken, scathed, wounded, scarred, torn, flawed. But, as I learned... I saw the reason to your apathetic ways. You were once broken, in fact-- maybe you still are. You had shattered to the point, that apathy was your defense from ever being hurt like that again.
As I got to know you more and more. I saw a different side to the un-serious, light-hearted you. Yes, I saw your childish little ways. But as we got closer, you showed me your sensitivity, your insecurity. You brought me to a place where I could see you entirely. From that place, I realized how treasured you became to me in a short time. Love is a word... I have always been scared of. A word I rather avoid, especially in a situation like this.
But as I saw it, without realized, you were taking his place in my heart. A place which collected much dust as it valiantly held onto one so dear to me. As the bonds had aged and become weaker and weaker.. you began to renew that part of me. You were taking the place of someone who I considered I had loved the most at one point. You were becoming the figure I could look up to and come to as someone I could always trust.
I became part of the few you had trusted and opened up to. The few you had sympathized with and kept closer than the rest. To me, so were you.
So here comes the statement from my heart. From my worn-out, rusted heart. I love you in a way that is past friendly, but lesser than lovers.
You've become him to me, and if not entirely, you are beginning to show me again what he had once... things I had learned and forgotten. But, am re-learning and remembering once again, because of you.
Though you remind me of him in a detached sense. Oddly, I'm not hurt and am not hindering away. Instead, I find myself drawing closer to you as days past.
Though you already have one in this role that I can never come up to par with, let me take on the role and bond that I had once give to him. Let me take care of you in that way.
Even if I have forgotten how to.
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