feel the despair of poison and sleep techniques

Passion Fanfare bandcamp youtube

[coldfishmusic]

[coldfishmusic]

Now I’m coldfish.

[passionfanfare]

My problematic fave. I mean, it’s not that problematic. He should have bought her flowers!

[passionfanfare]

[passionfanfare]

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(a draft)

There is really no way out of here, said the loser to the creep. You’re the story that I tell myself when it’s hard for me to sleep. I was silver-tongued, an ace attorney—I could gut you in my sleep—but I’m silent and I let you spurn me, ‘cause I know that I’m a creep. This requires faith and dedication—it requires quite a leap—and I’ve lost my knack for conversation, said the lion to the sheep.

If it’s true that you’re disintegrating, lying still with moving arms, that’s still no excuse for integrating with my questionable charms. Sit you down with all my plans unspooling, I could keep you safe and warm—my foundation cracked, my lipstick pooling, like in low-budget porn. I could catch your eye by compromising when I pass you on the street, but I’ve lost my taste for proselytizing, said the moron to the sheep.

I require your faith and full collusion—it would really take a leap. I would wrap you in a warm illusion. It would hold you while you sleep. I have seen some stupid dedication. It was beautiful to see, but there’s no excuse for expiration and there’s better ones than me. It’s a story of extreme devotion. It appeals to the naive, but surrender is a lazy notion. Going limp won’t set you free. And I could talk you into dedication, said the lion to the sheep, but we’d have to have a conversation. These days I only like to sleep.

[passionfanfare]

Note: I’ve removed all my covers after getting an email from tumblr saying one of my covers would be removed for copyright violation and there was a strike against the account. From the language of the complaint, which identified it as “a recording of an artist represented by IFPI,” it seemed a record industry bot mistook one of my covers for the original song since it was labeled with the song title and artist. However, even though this is a mistake, no one at tumblr responded to my emails, and obviously they didn’t check the post themselves before removing it and giving me a strike. Based on this experience, I could eventually get my account deleted if more of my covers are reported for being something they’re not. So, I will not be posting any more covers and am leery about uploading any audio files to tumblr at all. I’m planning on getting a new website soon, and among other things I will post all my covers there.

[passionfanfare]

[passionfanfare]

[passionfanfare]

http://passionfanfare.bandcamp.com I've been working on writing & recording this for the past 6 years and finally finished it. If you know me you know that I generally think everything I do is garbage but I’m actually...happy with how this turned out??? Whose hands are these?

Anyway, I put the whole album in this youtube video to make it easier to listen to and I hope if you listen to & like it you’ll consider reblogging it or otherwise sharing it.

1. Listen Up 2. To a Glorious Grave 3. Seals Coming Up 4. Endless Practice 5. St. George 6. Let It All Roll Off Me 7. You Can't Put a Sweater on a Panic Attack 8. Other Accidents 9. Goblins in the Castle 10. I Looked Better On My First Day 11. The Most Painful Things You Are 12. The Sound of My Gun 13. You Turn Me On (Casually) 14. You're Garbage 15. Subtle 16. Kind or Rational 17. Listen Up #2

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1)you turn me on casually (since I always thought the original recording was ugly) but it probably needs a little more work even though I have the basic idea down

2)I hope to never have any technical understanding of sound, production, or Gear besides wrapping and dangling the long suffering 7-year-old microphone until it cracks from the stress.

[passionfanfare]

Listen/purchase: Out of the Frying Pan by passion fanfare

I put some bad music on bandcamp just to feel like I did something. Of course I’m always “almost done” with my Unfinished Album, which is a lot better, but which I’m increasingly afraid is best described in the words of Marceline the Vampire Queen: “the most emotional album ever, so private and secret that I’ll never let anyone else listen to it.”

[passionfanfare]

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it’s a credit to me not to you that I’m doing better I can function through panic, the flu, and unusual weather I let it all roll off me (do do do do) I let it all roll off me (no thanks to you)

it’s a credit to me not to you that I never exploded all the trials that you put me through--well I’ve been fully loaded but I let it all roll off me (de de de de) I let it all roll off me (that’s all down to me)

so won’t you please roll off me?

‘cause I’ve been dropping it for years which doesn’t matter but every time I’m so patient I think I’m sadder ‘cause I can’t leave it behind--like does that seem right? that it’s all out of your mind and I still have to fight

like oh would you please roll off me could you please roll off me? won’t you please roll off me?

[passionfanfare]

I’m just fussing with this song from last year because I have to rerecord it

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Turn off the radiator that is clanking all night long Pick up your pins and needles cause this is a glory song Turn off the sin and rancor that is burning in your heart Because it tears you know it tears his ears apart

Turn off the pins and needles that are prickling through the ground Turn off your endless keening and emit a glory sound All bloody sick and lonely I have let myself get weak I need to change my sheets

Oh God I wasn’t kind or rational Oh God I couldn’t make it good Oh God I wasn’t kind or rational Couldn’t love you the way I said I would

What if my neighbor teaches me I don’t need light or sound And soon with gentle mentoring my senses all shut down What if my neighbor strings me up and no one comes to help I have to love my neighbor as myself

So God I wasn’t kind or rational Oh God I couldn’t make it good Oh God I wasn’t kind or rational Couldn’t love you the way I said I would

Soon with gentle mentoring my senses will shut down I’ll stay real quiet and patient when you put me in the ground

I’m going down

And when I look up at you you are curiously unlined I have to love my neighbor but my neighbor changed my mind

Change my mind

I have to change

You have to change my mind

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It’s a credit to me not to you that I’m doing better I can make it through panic the flu and unusual weather I let it all roll off me (do do do do) I let it all roll off me (no thanks to you)

Oh won’t you please roll off me?

It’s a credit to me not to you that I haven’t exploded All the garbage that you put me through I’ve been fully loaded but I let it all roll off me (de de de de) I let it all roll off me (that’s all down to me)

Oh won’t you please roll off me?

I’ve been dropping it for years it doesn’t matter but every time I am patient I just get sadder ‘cause I can’t leave it behind does that seem right that it’s all out of your mind I still have to fight

Oh won’t you please roll off me?

[passionfanfare]

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yeah I don't really like touch it just seems unnecessary like footsteps that are threatening and traffic that is really screams the shape that rises up from underneath things cause I can feel the patterns and I cannot make my body stop believing

like I'm trying to accept the placid meaning the surface that the world is wearing shooting toward my eyelids and I'm trying but it fails and I'm still catching on edges shocking out of sleep half building door connections

and in light of all the garbage I am really glad it's true that the last person who really touched me was you.

yeah I don't really like sex it just seems unnecessary it's an easy way to help somebody start pulling your strings did I cut off my nose to spite my face or did I chew off my leg to get out of the trap she built for me with kindness

and I'm trying to pull up some old reactions but I always get real wounded by the things that give me traction you would tell me it all has some deeper meaning but there's nothing good can come of it it's just another way to stop

you're breathing on my shoulder and I'm really glad it's true that the last person who really touched me was you.

hey listen up it's really hard to see you pulling all your punches it doesn't matter cause you think that it's your job to chew and swallow all my hunches guess I should have seen it coming with the numbing fog that's rolling in your structure was degraded from the bullshit you are always letting in

I'd be trying to pull up some old reaction but you always get so wounded by the things that turn you on you would tell me that it has a deeper meaning but the truth is I came into this with lots and lots of ways to screw you

over and I'm sorry but I'm really glad it's true that the last person who really touched me was you.

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I just don't care I really tried to care for years but it all just ran out on me one day it all just ran out on me

there was a big heart attack I really wish that I was sorry but wishing won't change a thing

and I know you were cold when I turned down the heat but I was sweating so hard that I couldn't see and you can't put a sweater on a panic attack oh no you can't put a sweater on a panic attack

would you just grow up cause I want nothing to defend and no matter what I try to keep you pull it out of me in the end

I'm getting really nervous I'd be doing it today but I'll just keep it to myself cause you need me to be okay turns out you can put a sweater on a panic attack oh yeah you can put a sweater and it's good to the last drop

I know you were cold when I turned down the heat but I was sweating so hard that I couldn't see and you can't put a sweater on a panic attack oh no you can't put a sweater on a panic attack

I'm so fucking sorry if I ever caused you grief but baby I quit you can't fire me turns out you can't put a sweater on my stuttering hip you can't put a sweater on my stuttering hip

and one day it's gonna come out of its socket