As I scour my past,
the ashes of my soul,
sifting through memories,
that once made me whole,
I am starkly reminded,
that I was always alone,
that there were never friends,
just figments, bare bones,
who reflected emotions,
my mind sought to know.
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@passionofpoems
As I scour my past,
the ashes of my soul,
sifting through memories,
that once made me whole,
I am starkly reminded,
that I was always alone,
that there were never friends,
just figments, bare bones,
who reflected emotions,
my mind sought to know.
Poem of getting ghosted.
The ghost you left with me,
reveals more than you think,
of how your past still haunts you,
how youāve been pushed to the brink,
to believe love isnāt attainable,
it is merely a myth,
for the stories before,
have only proved this,
so you slam the book shut
whenever things seem too good,
because that happily ever after,
never lasts, it never could.
Breathe in as I count to 10,
Thoughts fade, and the fear sets in,
Trading blood for addiction,
Take it all so it canāt win
Fresh start, a new lease on life,
Tides turn, no more loaded dice,
Actions, only mine by choice,
Freedom, was it worth the price?
As I slowly slide,
out of my shell,
I begin to see,
all the scars,
that I hid from myself,
and for a moment,
I hesitate.
A blurb from my old journal
**// A little bit of an intro, I recently dug through some of my old journals, reading what I wrote. I found this little excerpt, for which I canāt remember why I wrote it,Ā but I did. It speaks to change, and why it is important to life. It is a little different than what I normally post, but I found it to speak true to how I feel in this moment as well //**
āI seek changeĀ like a miner seeks gold, like a lion seeks prey.Ā There is a hungerĀ in me to up and leave at a momentās notice, to become something/someone else. Life is meant to be chaotic, ever-changingĀ because when we become comfortable we settle for things, accept things wonāt change, whether out of fearĀ or apathy, who knows? Iāve learned from constant change that being comfortable is notĀ a good thing. Why seek out something better when you have all you need?Ā Itās not a matter of greed, as I am not talking about money. Iāve heard before that love is infinite, you can create as much as you want.Ā When we become comfortable, we stopĀ finding things and people to love.Ā Why pursue aĀ āhobbyā as a passion?Ā Why fight against all odds for your happiness?Ā What is happinessĀ against safety, security, or normalcy? Why do we all just want to be normal?Ā ā
My mother calls me crazy,
for my lack of love for money,
that this piece of ill-green paper,
somehow guides me to my calling.
In fact I think the opposite,
when it comes to my true purpose,
that sharing all the green I have,
will make the whole world flourish.
For some my grass is greener,
and I wish to see theirsā too,
as bright as mine, or more sublime,
than even I could do.
This doesĀ not take away from me,
or all that I have done
because as others stride ahead
the world moves ever on.
Iāve fallen deep,
into the pitfalls of life.
And all I do,
is find ways to stay put.
But there is a way out,
if I can clean up my act,
this first step Iāve taken,
I will not give back.
Cut out the parts,
that no longer define me,
to leave space for the ones,
that will make me whole.
No words can explain,
this story I have,
so I translate to music,
just so youāll understand,
for my brain thinks in song,
and my heart beats in rhythm,
in reaction to life,
every moment Iām living,
is a note on the page,
strung together in time,
just waiting to be played.
Forgiveness
Beat me to the ground,
Knock me to the sky,
Fight me to the end,
Yet still I will fly,
For I do not hold,
A grudge against you,
My heart remains pure,
All I speak is true.
For better or worse,
I do not feel hate,
We are just human,
We all make mistakes.
Lost in Another
Any excuse for you,
that keeps my mind at ease,
far away from the truth,
the tricks you play on me.
Because being lonely is hard,
and believing lies hurts less,
than to feel youāre not wanted,
by the one you so cherish.
But when I finally wake,
from this beautiful dream,
and realize you are gone,
what will become of me?
On the eve of change,
We dream only nightmares,
Hoping for the worst,
to protect us from the best.
This mindset of fear,
To maintain the status quo,
To never seek greener grass,
because this green is the
only one weāve ever known.
On the dawn of change,
We awake in a fierce sweat,
Holding shut our eyes,
But for just a moment,
as our eyes slowly release,
we are colorblind...
This idea of my reality,
shaped by expectations
too high to ever reach the ground,
haunts me daily.
Infused in every decision,
a drug slowing killing my happiness,
by stripping away my values,
patience, hope, trust.
Time becomes shackles,
The future becomes prison walls,
And the unknown becomes a nightmare.
So here I reside,
a prisoner of my own mind,
slowly letting fear turn to hate,
until I finally break.
Color by number
Predict my future,
guide my path,
mold my image,
donāt hold back.
Only you know best,
only you know how,
only you know nothing,
when it all comes down
to who am I,
to who I love,
to who I trust,
to what I put above, all else.
Say it comes from caring,
say it comes from life,
say it comes from wisdom,
say it comes from strife,
say all these things,
so you can sleep at night,
knowing your mistakes,
can be made right.
If only I would listen,
if only I would see,
if only I would follow,
what you want me to be.
But all in all,
all I want is to try
all I could ever imagine,
to make this life, mine.
The Cycle
Eagerness swells under the surface,
waiting to break the tension,
and burst through the seams,
but then at the crest,
when all seems to peak,
it becomes overwhelmed,
with all that it must accomplish,
so eagerness returns to the depths,
waiting for another day to come,
when the world seems a little
smaller.
Patience creates momentum,
even though it never feels like it,
you are merely containing energy
to be released later, to propel you,
into all that you have been waiting for.
Never doubt that even when it seems
like time has stopped in its tracks,
and the world has just continued
to move on without you.
Wait for your moment,
And then shoot for the stars,
because you will have enough,
to break the gravity holding you back.
If I never achieve greatness,
for lack of trying,
then am I truly not great?
Or can my imagination,
rise to the occasion
and fill in the gaps,
that I was too afraid to leap.
And may I sit content,
watching my life play before me,
knowing all the possibilities,
that could have been.
Stories are meant to be,
a reminder, a lesson,
but if they never leave my mind,
what good are they?
In a moment of hopelessness,
I reached out into the void,
trying to catch some sort
of cosmic energy to help me.
And when my hand returned
back to me empty,
I thought the universe had
abandoned me.
But energy is constantly shifting,
from one entity to another,
and I was surprised to find
the help I had asked for.
Not in the form expected,
as is the way of the cosmos.
So as I struggled with theĀ āhelpā
I realized the answer lied within,
that the universe had scaled down
this issue I felt was insurmountable,
to something that was achievable.
And with that, I felt the energy
transfer through me momentarily,
and in that moment,
I felt peace.