PastelCourage @pastelcourage - Tumblr Blog

I haven't been drawing much... so I guess a little ship art is fine. (Far right drawing is a scene from my fic "A letter")

hope this well received <3

pastelcourage

Colored the part from the fic...

#carl project hail mary/ryland grace #carl x grace #my art #fanart #project hail mary #colored sketch #fanart of fanfiction

I haven't been drawing much... so I guess a little ship art is fine. (Far right drawing is a scene from my fic "A letter")

hope this well received <3

#carl project hail mary/ryland grace #carl x grace #fanart #my art #sketch #project hail mary

Short oneshot posted on my A03

A Letter

Grace is going through everything that was brought down from the Hail Mary to his new home. He is unpacking into a quiet wide space. Feeling a bit nostalgic weirdly enough. When he finds a note pinched in the seams of his duffel bag.

The one that was DuBois but became his with a fabric pen and a piece of paper.

At first he's not sure it's his. Then he sees his name written on the front in tiny but neat handwriting. It’s meant for him.

Inside is a letter.

Dr. Grace,

I don't know when or even if you'll find this. I know you will be busy out there in space. Saving the world. I know you don't believe it but you got this.

You're by far the smartest person I ever met. If I could change one thing about all of this. It'd be that you would be coming home after.

Time spent with you was most enjoyable. That is to say. I really had a lot of fun–

I know it's not right of me, but I hope in some way you can find it in yourself to not hold anger toward us. For your sake more than ours. Despite what you think, I know you are the best person for the job. Always have been in fact.

I'm sure we could really use your brilliance down here on earth too. Especially with figuring out unique solutions to the new problems we'll be facing. However, with you out there, amongst the stars, I know we have a fighting chance now.

All three of you were our sacrifice to see the sun rise once again. I’m sorry it had to be you. I never wanted it to be you.

I am not religious but still I pray that your sacrifice is not in vain that you do not suffer in the end.

I wish we had more time. For everything.

Seeing you like that was one of the hardest things– I will never live down the cruelty I executed upon you. I will never–

You can hate me. I'm sorry.

It just stops.

There is no signature. Grace flips it over and... Nope, nothing on the back. Maybe it was from Stratt. Maybe… Grace blinks as a memory hits.

“Whoa, your handwriting is immaculate.”

It's small, but perfectly spaced and almost architectural in its structure.

Carl hums a bit. “I guess it's alright.” He hands Grace a bag of sour skittles.

It was a letter from Carl. Grace finds himself sitting on the floor just staring at it. It was strange. It was a letter to a dying man.

Even if Grace lived, Carl thought he was going to die. It was a goodbye letter.

It was way too much for the guy Carl had to basically babysit. Grace wasn’t even sure if they had hung out after he was fully initiated into the project.

A sensation of light tingling on his lips had Grace touching them. “You drive me crazy, you know that?” Carl's voice played in his mind, but it was quiet and low.

Wait. Grace blinked hard. He didn't think he and Carl were anything but friends. This was the first his brain had said anything otherwise! Carl had been but a background character in his memories. This made no sense!

The memorie hits him all at one. It had been a hectic week on Stratt's vat. It always was, if one took the time to pay too close attention to what was actually happening.

Ryland had joined some of the crew at the officers club on deck. The vodka flowed like water and Ryland was feeling loose by the time Carl showed up. “C man!” Ryland greeted him with a grin. “It's been a while! How you been?”

Carl just took a seat next to Ryland and ordered a drink. It was blurry after that. Ryland talked. Carl was there. Then he woke up.

To a bright stream of sunlight drilling into the hangover he'd procured. He hadn’t drank like that since his second year of college.

He buried his head under the pillows with a groan. Then something behind him moved. Ryland stiffened instantly. “You awake?” Carl's voice asked from behind.

Rigidly Ryland rolled over to see Carl's blank face looking down at him. He was standing with a glass of water in his hand. “You went a little hard last night. Here, drink this. It'll help.”

Slowly Ryland took the proffered glass. Never taking his eyes off of Carl's unreadable face. “Why are you…” he looked around and realized he wasn't in his usual sleeping quarters. “Why am I here?”

“You were wasted. I brought you here to take care of you.” A blurry memory of puking into a bucket surfaced in Ryland's mind.

He cringed. “Sorry about that.”

“Not a problem.” Carl sat down on the bed next to Ryland but facing away from him. “I don't mind taking care of you Dr. Grace.”

Ryland snorted. “After everything we've been through, you can call me Ryland.”

Carl turned slightly, just enough to give him a raised brow.

Huffing Ryland rolled his eyes and stood up. He could feel Carl watching his every move. “Is… something wrong?”

“No.” Carl looked away. Then he looked back, his brows scrunched. “I tried asking you last night, but you were really out of it.”

“Tried asking me what?” Ryland asked, turning to face the man.

“Would you be amenable to a kiss?”

Ryland blinked and Carl stood squaring up with Ryland. The man was being soft but he clearly needed practice in not being intimidating. Ryland swallowed looking up at him.

Carl leaned down and forward slightly. He paused a breath away from Ryland. “Can I?”

Ryland took in a shallow breath. “I… okay.”

“Is that a yes, Dr. Grace?”

Ryland felt a shiver run up his spine. He looked into Carl's beautiful brown eyes. He looked so serious, just waiting for Ryland's answer. With a whisper Ryland responded. “Yes.”

Gently, Carl leaned forward and their lips touched. It felt like electricity. It was warm and foreign and Ryland felt like he'd forgotten every other kiss he'd ever had.

It was also chased. Carl pulled back a moment later with a small smirk. “Been wanting to do that for months.”

Ryland felt flushed and a little light headed. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” Carl moved forward pulling Ryland closer to him and they kissed again. Deeper this time.

Grace blinks. Feeling tears run down his cheeks. He doesn't know how to feel. The letter is crumpling in his tight grip and he tries to undo the damage.

He doesn't understand. Those memories don't fit with the man who looked down at him in a detached manner and told him “You know who you are.” Like Grace had any idea what that meant.

He was just a science teacher. He was a coward, and he just remembered that he was not only betrayed by a woman he considered a friend, but by a man he had maybe loved.

With shaking fingers Grace folds up the letter and puts it aside. Maybe he'll revisit it later. Maybe not. It was a letter to a dead man after all.

Grace and Dr. Ryland Grace, as similar as they were at times, were two very different people. Ryland had died in a field under a cloudy sky on Earth. Grace had woken alone in the empty expanse of space.

Maybe he was being dramatic, but even now he struggled to recall who he was before the project. He had assumed that there just might not have been much to remember. He was just a middle school teacher after all. Now he wasn’t so sure.

Standing he dusts off his clean knees and steps outside. He closes his eyes and lets Ryland grieve for a moment all he was and all he lost. Then taking a deep breath Grace stands and smiles as he sees the familiar shape of his best friend walking toward him.

Grace had learned to live, despite the fear, and despite the hurt. Stepping forward, he left Ryland with the letter and let Grace move forward.

#ryland grace #carl phm #carl project hail mary/Ryland grace #carl x grace #fanfiction #my writing #might post some sketches based on this later #project hail mary

I wrote this thing, and I want to share it if Tumblr will let me! I'm sorry I can’t focus on one thing. I wanted to post this in hopes I could get it out of my head and come back to it later.

WIP

Working title: somewhere silent

Fandom: Project Hail Mary

He was too deep for his own good; he was the kind of person no one understood - Kacy Crowley, Blood

I had a job that had to be done. If it was not, millions would die. Dr. Ryland Grace was an odd human. I had spent my career maneuvering men or around men who all thought they knew better. After reading Dr. Grace’s paper and learning of his explosive exit from academia, I thought I had him figured out even before we met. Somehow, I was wrong. He didn’t drool with anticipation at the idea of proving himself right. In fact he seemed more exasperated by me when I tried to prod him with the temptation.

He seemed genuinely excited over his little discoveries. Exclaiming over every little thing.

Yet. Despite his denial of qualification and his insistence that there were better people for the job he made great advancements that others were struggling with. Yes the sample he was working with was un-touched by others and unopened but there had been three other container samples left with other groups. All working as teams.

I had to watch him because he was a risk I chose to make. I was allowing him access to a small sliver of the world's highest secured project and a significant amount of its assets.

There was little known of him. He didn't have a social media presence. His parents were dead. The grandmother who raised him was in a nursing home with dementia. Surveillance showed he visited an average of eight times a month. He had no pets. His last known relationship had ended a few months before his infamous blowout.

Stratt had tried to find others to work with Dr. Grace but they all failed the test she set up to prove they would not take over or fight him. There was no time for such things. Dr. Grace proved effective enough. Solving the question of whether Astrophage was alive or not and what it was made of quickly. And although he was upset he did not let his feelings on the matter delay his report. Nor did he waste time trying to make his theories fit. He took the evidence provided and accepted the conclusive facts.

He refused to join the project at first but then barked like an angry dog when I told him no. Not because he thought he could do better but because he realized he couldn't sit back and do nothing. Knowing that his studilents futures were going to be hell.

It was a spark of understanding between us. That something had to be done by any means necessary.

I gave him the bare minimum. I trusted his obsession with science and Carl would be enough to keep him out of trouble while I managed the massive collaboration effort between the countries of the world.

Then he surprised me by beating all of the many countries and teams to answer the question of how astrophage breeds. A task he wasn't even asked to do but just so happened to align with and answer the question he was asking. “Why travel to Venus?"

I think I knew when he came back after I told him we were done that he would join the team. This was the moment I accepted that he needed to be on the task force.

He was difficult to deal with at times.

He had that ego as most men high in any field do. Turns out it only comes out when around other scientists. He'd fight aggressively about his theories but almost exclusively in science settings. Otherwise he mostly talked about his students.

As the project moved forward he talked about how he couldn't sacrifice his life. How he couldn't even imagine. He often talked of others as though they were beyond his reach in intelligence. In honor.

The thing was I was relieved he didn't want to go. Undoubtedly he was the best candidate for the mission. He had something to fight for (his students) and he was the leading expert in Astrophage.

He was also one of the most qualified to stay on Earth. That knowledge and expertise could help save so many lives on Earth while we waited for the Hail Mary’s research to return.

Training up another biologist to send was the ideal outcome. Both of the best worlds. All of Dr. Graces knowledge in the hands of a willing participant. Who would not solve it the same way but would be more than enough while I took the fall for all my deeds and Dr. Grace the poor kidnapped school teacher could work on the outside to save more lives.

Fait had other plans though and I had no time. I fell on old tactics jabbing at a man's pride usually had them blindly rushing forward to prove you wrong.

All I did was cause him pain. I felt very much in the moment that he was being a coward but I think now if he had had time if he had a chance to see his students he would have come running back to demand he go.

He was brave to not only stand up to the most powerful person on Earth but the entirety of Earth knowing he'd be judged for it and spoke his truth.

I wish he had sat down and talked. I wish I could have told him my hopes of him leading the charge of innovation that would save the world. How it hurt but he would never forgive himself if he didn't go.

I fought not to fall apart as he ran. As I had him chased down and sedated. I knew he’d never forgive me and that he didn't know I was doing this for all of us. Even him. That he would never know this was the last thing I ever wanted to do. That I would go in his place if only I had that damn resistant gene.

It wasn't meant to be though.

I helped the crew strap him in. I kissed his forehead. I shook Yáo’s and Ilyukhina’s hands and they assured me that they and the international space crew would have Dr. Grace triple checked before the Hail Mary departed.

Standing next to Carl I watched the final launch from a distance. Outside of the observation deck. As the rocket curved and the clouds parted I let out a wretched cry. Carl caught me before I hit the ground as everything I was holding back. The grief and rage at the situation rolled out of me. The sound I made was horrid.

I knew that within the next 48 hours I would be detained for every conceivable crime… but I was not crying for that.

I was crying for the sacrifice I just made. Three lives for a planet. Three lives that had so much potential and there was no guarantee the sacrifice would bear fruit.

I took a moment to let myself feel, then I stood, wiped my face and nodded to Carl. My work wasn’t done yet. I had a planet to save.

#fanfiction #my writing #project hail mary #eva stratt #wip #i want to flesh this out but we'll see