Blog O’ Randomness

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More and More I feel like I understand why the MC made these seemingly dumb decisions like going on an island and near drowning or going to the N109 Zone and nearly dying or going to Skyhaven and literally impersonating an officer and nearly getting herself in trouble.

This is truly just a MASSIVE trauma induced crash out.

Cause like, when you think about it, this gal lost everything. Not including any of the memories, she lost her granny, lost her bestie and sure she has Zayne... in the sense that he is alive. He sure as shit ain't talking to her though. So now her closest friends are: Xavier, the boy that she barely sees, Rafayel, the boy she guards occasionally and Tara, the girl she doesn't know all that well.

Everyone that she has ever been close with is either dead, "dead", or not that responsive.

Of course the girl had a mental breakdown and did some reckless shit, she has no one. I would be tweaking too. But also girl, this is what we have therapists and anti-depressants for.

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Yknow, going back to this I realize something... How good would them therapists be at helping her though? Like, no shade to Chinese therapists, this would apply universally. They had like less than 2 decades to adapt to all the trauma that the opening of the Deepspace and wanderers and evols would cause. So imagine, they gotta deal with that plus the usual trauma and then this girl comes in like "Heeeeey. I think I'm crashing out after my house exploded and my entire family died." That plus the fact that she would 100% have to lie about the aether core stuff and the Gaia Project Stuff. Yeah, she was screwed.

We can't anti-depressants our way out of this one.

[pastelourple]

Sometimes I do have a scenario in my head that makes me go back to my "Papa Percent" post. Specifically, an AU where Sylus finds a random child in his big old house and where the narrative would go from there. As hard as I can be on Sylus, I don't think he'd abandon a child.

In this objectively terrible place to live, what would he do with a child?

I do think he would try to keep them alive but he's still a mob boss in hell on earth, there will probably be moments where he will or is forced to put the kid's life at risk just by way of the setting. Regardless, I can see this softening him as he tries to strike a balance of keeping the child's innocence alive while exposing them to enough of reality to keep them cautious.

It's an interesting thought piece.

[pastelourple]

Man, I realize my two protagonists would probably hate each others' mans.

Well.. hate is a strong word. Teresa doesn't hate Sylus but he makes her incredibly uncomfortable. She already has so much social anxiety, Sylus's generally aggressive attitude when you meet him would put her in a constant state of fight or flight.

Viola doesn't really hate Zayne either. She just finds him unbearably boring. Total white bread. She likes her men exciting. She doesn't know what Teresa sees in him.

...She straight up hates Caleb though. And the feeling's very mutual. He sees her as a nuisance trying to push him and Teresa apart. She thinks he's insane. A ticking timebomb just waiting to explode. She thinks Caleb is going to get Teresa killed if not kill her himself. It's just a matter of time.

Generally Teresa and Viola get along but they don't talk about their men for this reason.

As for the remaining two. Both are generally neutral. Teresa likes Xavier as he's the rare type of guy that never speaks so her anxiety isn't usually triggered as harshly. Like with Zayne, Viola finds Xavier very boring but... if for some reason they got to know each other (and she didn't know Sylus much) that could change. As for Rafayel, Teresa's social anxiety makes her want to avoid him and Viola finds him annoying.

[pastelourple]

Concept: A Swap AU

Mainly for one single event that I would argue would drastically change the story going forward.

What if MC was the one that entered the house when it exploded instead of Caleb?

That would completely switch MC (Imma call her Teresa for the rest of the concept) and Caleb's role. We are also assuming that the Farspace Fleet/Dr. Lucius's people found Teresa instead of Caleb. Starting with the more obvious character to be changed, Caleb. He would still be in Deepspace Aviation Administration though I'm pretty sure that means he would be in Skyhaven regardless. The N109 zone arc would either be skipped or Sylus wouldn't be involved. If we were following Caleb's journey, that also means that Gideon and Tara basically switch roles.

Let's be perfectly honest here, seeing how much Teresa spiraled after losing her entire family, Caleb is crashing and burning. Maybe he seems fine to his colleagues in the DAA but in his free-time, he is hunting down the person that turned his life upside down. Vengeance is all he seeks after losing Teresa again. And eventually, it takes him to the rival aviation organization: The Farspace Fleet.

And then there's Teresa. Assuming she had the same injury, she now has a robotic arm that she will have to manage. Like canon Caleb, she would probably be in a high ranking position but I would argue that it wouldn't be the exact position. Caleb only became a colonel because of his prior experience in flying. With Teresa having experience as a Deepspace Hunter, she would probably be whatever their equivalent is of a Chief of police. We'll just call her a chief. She handles more ground work against wanderers to keep Skyhaven safe.

But what happens when they get reunited? Honestly? While I can definitely see Teresa going in the same direction as Caleb in the whole possessive thing, that's boring. Instead I would say that she does the exact opposite. Vaguely aware of how shady Lucius is and how shady she's become, she wants Caleb to have nothing to do with it. She put in the effort for the organization to not know who Caleb is and she will not have that ruined. She comes off as cold and uncaring of Caleb's feelings in the beginning to try and get him to give up on her and leave but she heavily underestimates how insanely possessive loyal he is. He lost her too many times, never again. She can't even put her all into the act anyways. She misses him too much. Something in her desperately wants him to stay.

This did make me wonder if Lucius and his people would even be interested in Caleb. After all, we know that they're using canon Caleb as a stepping stone to their ultimate goal which is the protagonist. If they skip to her, would he be needed? And I have two possible answers for that. Yes or No.

In the case of no, maybe they're making slow progress on her using the toren chip and so Caleb's role as a stepping stone is not necessary. This would make him more of a nuisance, as he's actively trying to figure them out and take their plan apart while also destabilizing their star subject. He would need to be... "removed".

In the case of yes, maybe the Toren chip is just not effective. We never saw the effects of it on canon Teresa so, for all we know, her aether core completely overrides the mind control. But they don't know why so the best thing they could do is test on the next best subject to see what they can do to get the mind control right. They don't know about Caleb yet but if they learned about him, they may seek him out under guise of being one big happy family so they can experiment on him.

Either way, Teresa has a motive to not want Caleb to get involved.

And either way, Caleb will 100% be involved because when the obviously evil organization has his girl in a pseudo hostage situation he is coming to destroy them.

[wimze]

You motherFUCKI--

[pastelourple]

That's so wrong...

I felt this in my soul.

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Yknow I've been thinking (crazy, I know) mainly about Mortality's Tenderness. I got into a bit of a habit of using Caleb's Chinese name for that... AU I guess? Like a canon AU. This also is functioning as my way of trying to learn all of the boys' Chinese names. I don't know the others.

So first thing, I need to ask for help from the fandom again. What are their Chinese names? Like I know Caleb's is Xia Yizhou (dunno what it is in Hanzi, just the english alphabet spelling) but I don't know the others.

Secondly, I kind of want to give the MC a name like that too. At least my MC but the name I chose was kinda simple so who knows, I may just call the general MC that too. I chose Moli (茉莉 I think, I do not speak any form of Mandarin) it means Jasmine. What do yall think?

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The SkyHaven Disguise Question

Aka complete satire because I feel like bullying my MC.

How the hell did she think she could get away with impersonating an officer? Someone was gunna notice the difference eventually. Though it being Caleb was just bad luck. She didn't expect Caleb to be alive much less a prominent member of the Farspace Fleet.

And that is the only grace I can give my personal MC, Teresa. Caleb was going to spot her right off the bat. She could look like anything and anyone and he was going to clock her ass.

That doesn't excuse literally everyone else that should have recognized that she was off. Like regular MC I kind of understand because, and I mean this with peace and love, she is the most basic looking pretty girl alive. For as long as there are women in the Farspace Fleet, she will find one that looks close enough to her face to impersonate.

...Then there's my girl Teresa who isn't more noticeable because she's "special", she's noticeable because she's in futuristic China while being fucking brown with unusually long hair and a blue eye so blue that it is purposefully unnatural. Even if I make her specifically a brown asian (I haven't really chosen her race imma be honest) the other two factors more than make her stand out.

I'm not sure what's dumber, the fact that she thought she could get away with it or the fact that she nearly did. If Caleb wasn't there, she would have actually slipped past everyone and that speaks more to the negligence of the Farspace Fleet than anything else. Literally, it would have taken one small look at the ID of the gal she was impersonating to get her caught at the door.

[pastelourple]

I'm putting my mental illness on display... again.

Odysseus!Caleb and Penelope!MC.... I am becoming more and more mentally ill over them. Specifically the song "Would You Fall in Love with Me Again".

The yearning, the loyalty, that little bit of doubt before MC (Teresa in my case) proves that she earned her title as queen! I am SICK!

I made a draft of it. I'll clean it up and finish it someday.

[pastelourple]

Late Night Posting

I need to make official designs for these fuckers but sometimes before I give them big boy designs, I like to sketch some little concepts first. In this case, it's going back to the whole Succubus!Teresa/Wrath Demon!Caleb AU.

Fun fact: So due to me wanting to stay relatively true to their OG personalities, in this universe, being a type of demon or from a ring of hell doesn't really determine your personality. It can affect your emotions to things if your powers are connected to those but it's not in the way you might be thinking.

For instance, Wrath demons actually tend to be the most chill. Since their powers are powered by well... wrath, it's important to have a strong sense of conviction. Lest you be controlled by your emotions. This is to match Caleb generally chill persona but also allows some occasional wrath based incidents. In universe, Caleb's conviction is -of course- Teresa. He doesn't want to scare her.

Another example of a person's powers having little to do with their personality is Teresa herself. Sure, she's a succubus but she is deathly afraid of humans and can be quite scared of her fellow demons too. So while it's not for the same reasons as Caleb, she also tends to defy what her ring would say she's "supposed to be like". This, unlike Caleb, actually works against her as she doesn't have as much experience with using her powers.

...Although, there was that one time with Caleb. They don't really talk about that though.

[pastelourple]

Late Night Posting

I need to make official designs for these fuckers but sometimes before I give them big boy designs, I like to sketch some little concepts first. In this case, it's going back to the whole Succubus!Teresa/Wrath Demon!Caleb AU.

Fun fact: So due to me wanting to stay relatively true to their OG personalities, in this universe, being a type of demon or from a ring of hell doesn't really determine your personality. It can affect your emotions to things if your powers are connected to those but it's not in the way you might be thinking.

For instance, Wrath demons actually tend to be the most chill. Since their powers are powered by well... wrath, it's important to have a strong sense of conviction. Lest you be controlled by your emotions. This is to match Caleb generally chill persona but also allows some occasional wrath based incidents. In universe, Caleb's conviction is -of course- Teresa. He doesn't want to scare her.

Another example of a person's powers having little to do with their personality is Teresa herself. Sure, she's a succubus but she is deathly afraid of humans and can be quite scared of her fellow demons too. So while it's not for the same reasons as Caleb, she also tends to defy what her ring would say she's "supposed to be like". This, unlike Caleb, actually works against her as she doesn't have as much experience with using her powers.

...Although, there was that one time with Caleb. They don't really talk about that though.

[pastelourple]

Oh Gaming Attic. Sweet Gaming Attic. I hope both sides of your pillow are cold at night. For you alone have saved me from falling into FOMO and spending a ridiculous amount of money on gacha pulls for the silly space romance game.

[pastelourple]

Exes.

Teresa has had one ex in the past. He cheated on her. She will probably not bring him up anytime soon because she doesn't really know Tara too well, the conversation will never naturally lead to that with Zayne and somewhere deep in her mind she knows that Caleb would possibly consider murder.

[pastelourple]

Caleb Headcanon

So, I've always had this question in my mind. How, in an explosion where the MC was not that far away did she walk out near unscathed but Caleb lost an arm and Josephine died? I believe it's said in text that Caleb had something to do with it as when they reunite and the MC asks about Josephine he says something along the lines of, "I'm sorry, I couldn't save you both" but what does that mean? Also how? If he was alive and conscious, couldn't he call out for help when the authorities found the MC? If the Farspace Fleet found Caleb before the authorities came along, how did they not find MC if she was in the vicinity?

Here's where I answer that with a little scene in my head.

Imagine, you're Caleb. Your house just exploded, you can't feel one of your arms, and you can't see Josephine but you can see her. She's unconscious. The rubble of your house threatened to crush her. So, you hold out your functioning hand and use your evol to slightly lift the rubble off of her. You can't lift it by much but you can do something. Surely, someone from the police force or the firefighters will come to save her.... right?

You can't hold on to your consciousness for that long as smoke inhalation makes it harder to breathe. You're losing faith in the authorities; why is it taking them so long? At this rate, all three of you will die here.

But then, she twitches. Not Josephine. Her. Under the rubble you're barely saving her from, she twitches, she shifts and then, she lifts her head. But something is different. From your blurry vision, you can see her effortlessly lift the rubble you were struggling to hold off herself. Throwing it aside like pebbles.

She gets up, brushes herself off, and as if she didn't notice you at all, she stares at the burning house. It's hard to see her expression but you've felt this presence before. All the way back to when you were little kids and she hit her head after falling out of a tree or back before you had a home and she would be so distraught after one of the "tests" that she would blank out. And in her place was a cold, silent being that never acknowledged you or anyone else.

She turned away from the house and walked away, not giving the other inhabitants a second thought. You couldn't blame her for it. You knew it wasn't truly her. You knew the real her would have disregarded all of her safety training and run into the house to save you. Getting herself hurt again for your sake. So, in a way, you had to be grateful for this cold other side as it will get her somewhere safer. Somewhere... better.

That's the last thing you could think about as darkness finally took you.

As for what happened to MC? Once out of harms way, whatever other side took her over deactivated and she actually passed out away from the smoke, fire and rubble. The Farspace Fleet, Ever, Dr. Lucius or whoever came to the house wouldn't find her, instead they found Caleb.

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More angst

Okay so headcanon. Sometimes as a child, MC would sneak into Caleb's room to sleep in his bed because she was scared of being alone. This practice continued into their older years first ironically then slowly unironically. And they always went on a particular side of the bed. MC on the right, Caleb on the left.

But then the explosion that separated them happened and they couldn't do that anymore. So some nights, either MC will lay on the right side of her bed or Caleb on the left side of his bed and they'll just reach out to the other side as if the other is there.

They let out a quiet "I miss you" not knowing that the other one said it as well.

Even when apart, they're in sync.

[pastelourple]

Woke up with romance on my mind.

So now I wanna do Zayne and Caleb pre and post sex. And while this whole thing can apply to any MC, I'm using my MC Teresa for this.

CW: NSFW... if the term "Pre and Post Sex" didn't make that obvious.

Zayne Pre Sex

Teresa is the instigator for the most part. Zayne's outer shell is controlled and contained. After everything Teresa has been through and seeing how skittish she is, he wouldn't dare make a move or push any pre-conceived boundary without her permission. She's comfortable with him, why ruin that? He needs her word, even a small sign like a nod would give him the permission needed to proceed with whatever is on his mind.

If given that permission, that outer shell is allowed to break before it builds itself again the next day. He allows himself one night to be rough and lustful; that is how he shows her all of his love. It's the only way he knows how.

Post Sex

Zayne's version of aftercare can lean more on the medical side. His walls are rebuilding so emotions are not as easily exposed anymore. He'll massage her knuckles knowing how hard she had gripped his hair or the sheets. He'll get an ice pack—or just use his evol... probably just use his evol—for any part that's sore or bruising. When she goes to take a shower, he'll make sure that the bed is comfortable and cleaned from whatever mess they made.

At the end though, when they're both in bed, Zayne isn't too sure what to say or do or how to transition back to normalcy. That's when Teresa would reach out, tugging on the sleeve of his shirt. She, herself, isn't too sure how to end the night so she went with the first thing on her mind. She wanted to be held. And who was he to deny her? They spent the rest of the night in each other's arms.

How she felt about it

Teresa is comfortable around Zayne but there still is this air of bashfulness. There would be a decently long period of mutual pining before anything escalates. She also worried he would care that he isn't her first. He doesn't.

Over time, she would understand the dues and tells of when he seemed to want her carnally. From there, she would decide if she wanted to send signals back or if she wasn't in the mood. Their whole dynamic is based on learning silent tells and that's not always easy.

She understood his closed off emotions. She could relate far more than he thinks she can.

Maybe it's in poor taste, but she can't help but remember the days back when she was little and napped by Zayne's side because he was a walking ice pack and she liked the cold; that's why she often initiated cuddles after sex. Her childhood, past a certain set of events, brought her comfort and safety. She never fully outgrew her eight year old self.

Caleb Pre Sex

Caleb is the instigator for the most part. He prides himself on how well he knows Teresa. Every sign and expression, memorized. Even after her sharp personality change in her teens, he made sure to adapt to this new change. So, if anyone was to know how far they could take a situation, it would be Caleb. If she showed unwillingness, he'd back off; he knew that and she knew that. Plus, Teresa was incredibly comfortable with him. They were closer than any blood or marriage could be. So much so that she was willing to be less shy and more blunt with what she wanted.

His approach doesn't pull any punches, stalking forward and walling her off so that the only thing she could see is him. Predator and Prey with the added knowledge that the "prey" was in full control. If she wanted this to stop, it stopped.

Post Sex

Caleb's version of aftercare is very personal and tailored to the person he's having sex with. For Teresa, that comes in the form of helping her with her hair and cooking for her. Just as he'd done before all the Farspace Fleet and EVER nonsense started. He's the only one trusted with her hair and food anyway. Neither of them know why but after sex, he always braided her hair. It was habitual at this point and when they noticed it became almost an inside joke.

What neither of them consciously knew was that his subconscious was picking up on the hair styles she would wear back when things were safer, simpler. Before Ever, before the DAA or the Hunters Association. Caleb, like Teresa, never fully grew out of his childhood years. In hyperemotional situations like this, their childhood grounded him. Doing her hair in the same way or cooking old recipes that Josephine used to make brought stability and comfort to them both.

How she felt about it

Caleb is her favorite person. Her best friend. But that doesn't always translate to romance or sex the best. The lines of platonic, romantic, sexual and familial were all crossed and blurred and she's reeling over it. The post Farspace Fleet Caleb didn't help this. Every time they meet, they simultaneously grow closer and grow apart.

She wants to grow with him. She wants to grow despite him. Maybe she hoped to grow ahead of him and keep him under her grasp. Or maybe she hoped he'd grow past her and consume her whole.

They're both hopelessly codependent and until she decides to grow with or without him or she decides to accept his restrictive embrace, they'll remain stagnant.

[pastelourple]

Some things never change

And no the year isn't wrong. The first image is two years after the Catastrophe.

[pastelourple]

Tella being delulu again

Mia is not dead in my mind. Ever or Lucius or whatever the fuck yoinked her to mess with Kevi's mind. The ending to LADS is going to be Ever being exposed and burned, Caleb is going to be fine and he and the MC will adopt Kevi and Mia and give them the childhood that they never have.

I am manifesting this from my padded cell.