a melancholy journal.

i always find my way back here, eventually .

[patchesofclovers]

it was good to spend time with you.

to enjoy each other's company again, like we used to.

but something's different. he lingers in the back of my mind.

and now, as i look at you,

im reminded how lonely i am.

[patchesofclovers]

i always thought i would fear the end of this scene. the finish of this act, and the start of the second. its a moment ive waited for my whole life. we all have.

but im here.

and instead of feeling scared, of grasping every moment and missing the comfort of the seemingly infinite routine we've all been reared to accept,

i feel it coming. the change in the tide. it slithers up around my ribs and tugs me gently out to sea.

im waiting. patiently.

[patchesofclovers]

it feels almost as if

there's a hole in my head

like you plucked out the cork

and released all the dread

and as every night comes

and i crawl into bed

my brain trickles out

of the hole in my head

[patchesofclovers]

if only i could find her somewhere else. if there was a book, a song, a room, a time of day, a season, a movie, a place.

anywhere.

[thoughtkick]

“You’re not going to master the rest of your life in one day. Just relax. Master the day. Then just keep doing that every day.”

— Unknown

[patchesofclovers]

undone;

ive learned to bury cherished time,

to stop the chance that i unwind,

as gardens bait romantic thought,

and make me miss our days in court.

but you won't hear that, not from me,

i'll lie and rot in misery,

because my dear, you curse me still,

as i sit at my windowsill.

[patchesofclovers]

Sonnet Xxxix

Because thou hast the power and own’st the grace

To look through and behind this mask of me

(Against which years have beat thus blanchingly

With their rains), and behold my soul’s true face,

- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

found this in an old Alan Rickman film called Closet Land (1991). In it’s given context, it was quite grim, but standing alone, it’s a beautiful piece of work.

[patchesofclovers]

always;

- patchesofclovers

[patchesofclovers]

it was winter.

it was cold, and grey and the rain touched all.

we were in the park, on a swinging seat, sitting back to back.

we were alone with the world.

i miss it.

[patchesofclovers]

sometimes i feel the internet is sucking out my soul,

that it degrades any authenticity in my human experience and makes me numb to all of lifes exciting moments,

and then i wonder if its all just the magic of growing up.

[patchesofclovers]

stalked;

be kind, im new :')