The saddest

[patroclus3]

Tell me what u think about ' shuggie bain ' ?

[patroclus3]

I have tried shuggie bain, the fisherman, demons , but It doesn't get to to.

So i'm gonna try the little friend this time .hope it works out .i mean hope it absorbes me

[patroclus3]

_ I don't wanna live anymore .

...

+ So don't .

[patroclus3]

But here , Life requires death in everyday . U sweet , u wanna trow up but you can't .

I never wanted this life, I'm living it cz i am forced too .it's exausting and shitty .

I never wanted to live this long , 22 years is too much , everyday is hot.

People are boring, the weather's just unbearable , things seems too much to bear.

Peale are gready, hateful , there's no desire left in me to tolerate their shit .

So i think this is the end

Not that fake end that i've tried to die .

Literally This is the end .

[patroclus3]

My book is publishing

[patroclus3]

A publisher accepted to publish my book .

#publishing #book #author

[patroclus3]

I have wrote a book, and i'm working on sending it to the publishers .

Wish me luck

I'm dying to see this book being published .

[patroclus3]

So , recently ,my life kinda sucks even more , i am disappointed at everything, and i wanna die . But i am alive and will soon read " The goldfinch"

#book

[patroclus3]

You have to konw that i think about suicide a lot , and i have tried so fucking hard to not to kill myself or trying to kill myself for the last year, i feel disappoitment a lot specially lately , and i'm sorry that i do not feel to be enough ....

I don't know what to do anymore , i like to be killed . To be killed by my hands ....

[patroclus3]

Not into vampire shits...but roman in hemlock grove is worth watching

[patroclus3]

What's the point of living????? I'm having a crisis crisis... everything is pointless ... so i'm gonna eat more chips...

[patroclus3]

I'm so damn depressed recently, i can't watch a movie in peace , i can't start a new novel, i can't go out ,i can't exercise and go to the gym, i can't be hopefull about future,about anything , i feel like dislike about myself , and i don't have any motivitations to change anything, i feel like completley lost, a total loser , i still can't get over jude st francis ,i somehow used to pain ,and you may not belive me , But STILL there is absloutly noone, NOONE, which i can relate with, more than jude , so yes , here i am again, depressed and disappointment again, lost and lonley again, and i just want to start a book or netflix / tv series which involves me like days and nights,which baffles me , which makes me like really involved ... BUT still can't find anything , So ...Any suggestions ? To help your poor friend?

[patroclus3]

As i was sitting there, listening to muse, i suddenly felt that i know how it ends , i saw my own death , i relized that i know the end , suicide will be my end.

[patroclus3]

Introduce to me a novel like " a little life " i desparatly need it .

[patroclus3]

I feel paralyzed, i feel like i need much time to handle The axiom of equality , to handle his final suicide , to handle his hunger, his silent anger , his refusing to eat the sandwich , his grief, his tears,his bones, crushing over a car , his broken soul, his his his ... i need much much time to handle you jude , i can't start a new book, i can't start a tv series , nothing ... pure emptiness after reading you jude....

I need a tato about jude st francis ... i feel like he's part of me .

Although i don't think about him anymore but i feel and that i don't need to think about him , cz somethings are part of you, and you don't think about those things regulary ... so here i am ... damaged , loner , outsider ... and sad, sad as fuck ... sad as fuck...

[patroclus3]

I feel so damaged , lonley and sad when i watch river phoenix videos , movies , interviews , anything about him ...sometimes i think that i shall just die soon , cz most things that i love are all dead , i shall join the death to feel peace

[patroclus3]

I'm sick of trying to put a label on myself .

The fact is yes , i become tired when i have to hang with bunch of pples for some time , the fact is i belive society makes us sick , interacting with others causes depression, low self esteem and lots of other mental shits .

The fact is i seem kinda weird to other ppl sometimes .

Cz sometimes i'm too tired of pretending to join a friendly party . Or even say hello to 'em.

And the sad thing is , because of this my very characterestic , i am trying to put a label on myself , to search on mental health sites to find a label , to think maybe i'm the schizoiid guy here , maybe i'm the one with serious mental problems here , but let me confess , i don't really think i am sick , i just think i'm rare .i'm one of rare ones , those ones who don't really like the society , who prefers not to talk, but to write , pple who don't enjoy things that most ppl enjoys

See ...we are not sick creepy ppl, maybe , probably we're just one of rares ..

So i really, desperatly want to quit this shit , this shit that pushes me to try to be not myself , to act like i enjoy shit i don't , To not being myself , just because i joined a company or any kinda shits that requies social ppl and social interacting , just because i can't find anyone who looks like me .

And that is okay , cz normally, ppl like me , they don't expose themsalves , they don't post their life on soical media , they don't try to start a conversation with you , they don't join the shits you join , so you never find 'em, and therefore you start to wonder maybe you are the creep here , who has nothing in common with any human being but that is absolutly wrong !!!

Don't let society ruins your perspective about yourself, don't let'em to decide for you wether you are acceptable or just the weirdo here .

Just bcz you're one of rares, doesn't mean you're sick or you don't deserve to have shits that social ppl have .